Entertainment & Music - 6 November 2007

two irish men in the pub chatting, paddy asks if i shag your
wife and she has a kid would that make us related?no says
murphy that would make us even=================You go in for routine surgery,
you come out with a tail.
You recognize your doctor as the kid who was mopping the
lobby as you checked in.
Instead of sponge bath, they send a St. Bernard to lick you.
As you are going under, your surgeon says, "Man, am
I hungover!"
In the operating room, you see a surgeon holding a sign that
says, "WILL DO SURGERY FOR FOOD!"
All the diplomas on the wall are signed by Dr Phil.
You and your roommate have to take turns on the I.V.
Through the fog of anesthesia, you hear the surgeon shouting,
"Bring the damn Scotch tape! And plenty of it."
Instead of "patient, " they use the term "plaintiff."

2007-11-06 21:37:22 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

An engineer dies and goes to hell. After
a while, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level
of comfort in there and starts designing and building improvements.
After a while, hell has air conditioning, flushing toilets,
water fountains and escalators - making the engineer a
pretty popular guy.
One day God phones Satan up and asks with
a sneer: “Hey buddy, how’s it going down there in hell?”
Satan snickered back, “Things are going
great actually. We’ve got air conditioning, flushing, toilets,
escalators and the works. Hell (no pun intended), there’s
no telling what this engineer guy is gonna come up with next.”
God replies, “What? You’ve got an engineer?
That’s a mistake - he should never have gone down there;
send him back up.”
To which Satan replied, “No way dude.
I like having an engineer on staff, I’m keepin him.”
God retorted, “Send him back up here or
I’ll sue.” Satan laughs loudly and answers, “Yeah,
right. And just where are you gonna find a lawyer?”

2007-11-06 21:37:03 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

2007-11-06 21:34:19 · 15 answers · asked by 1staricy2nite 4 in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-06 21:33:43 · 19 answers · asked by ? 5 in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-06 21:33:42 · 36 answers · asked by The Unknown Soldier 6 in Polls & Surveys

LOL..i am bored..how are you?

2007-11-06 21:30:49 · 19 answers · asked by RoChEr 5 in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-06 21:30:34 · 27 answers · asked by Buddy Hodor 7 in Polls & Surveys

I hate it sometimes coz its so hard but other times i love it! =)

2007-11-06 21:28:33 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-06 21:27:29 · 17 answers · asked by ? 5 in Polls & Surveys

A woman had been on the game for 4 years & woz worried about the size of her vagina on her wedding nite. so she decided 2 tell her husband she caught it climbing over a fence. After an hour in bed with her he said, just how far across the f***ing field were u before you realised it was caught ?

2007-11-06 21:27:09 · 14 answers · asked by stugale4 2 in Jokes & Riddles

If a man buys a sports car to make up for a small you-know-what, why do so many women drive about in a MPV?

2007-11-06 21:23:48 · 10 answers · asked by johnstonemac 6 in Jokes & Riddles

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the
time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is
yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the
toilet is?
2 People who are willing to get off their *** to search
the entire room for the T.V.. remote because they refuse
to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.
3 When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and
eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't
eat it?
4 When people say "it's always the last place you look".
Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking
after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where
are they? Gonna Kick their asses!
5 When people say while watching a film "did you see
that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and
stare at the damn floor.
6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't
really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

2007-11-06 21:23:46 · 10 answers · asked by little kitty 3 in Jokes & Riddles

A man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the
desk, the receptionist asked "Yes sir,may we help you?"
"There's something wrong with my d*ck," he replied.
The receptionist became aggravated and said, "You shouldn't come
into a crowded office and say things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you." he said.
"We do not use language like that here," she said. "Please go
outside and come back in and say that there's something wrong with
your ear or whatever."
The man walked out, waited several minutes and reentered. The
receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"
"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.
The receptionist nodded approvingly. "And what is wrong with your
ear, sir?"
"I can't p*ss out of it." the man replied.

2007-11-06 21:22:11 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

I was probably about 5 ft. and now I'm 6'1. and you?

2007-11-06 21:18:57 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

When the driver of a huge tractor-trailer lost control of his rig, he plowed into an empty tollbooth and smashed it to pieces. He climbed down from the wreckage and within a matter of minutes, a truck pulled up and discharged a crew of workers. The men picked up each broken piece of the former tollbooth and spread some kind of creamy substance on it. Then they began fitting the pieces together. In less than a half hour, they had the entire tollbooth reconstructed and looking good as new. "Astonishing!" the truck driver said to the crew chief. "What was the white stuff you used to get all the pieces together?"

The crew chief said, "Oh, that was tollgate booth paste."

2007-11-06 21:18:24 · 8 answers · asked by jake5282 2 in Jokes & Riddles

Next time you go a to Mcdonalds drive through and they ask you what you want, say no thanks just window shopping....haha

2007-11-06 21:17:43 · 21 answers · asked by Shredder 6 in Polls & Surveys

Two Rednecks went to a gas station that was holding a contest: a chance to win free sex when you filled your tank. They pumped their gas and went to pay the attendant. "I'm thinking of a number between one and ten," he said. "If you guess right, you win free sex."

"Okay," agreed one of the rednecks,"I guess seven."

"Sorry, I was thinking of eight," replied the attendant.

The next week they tried again. When they went to pay, the attendant told them to pick a number. "Two!" said the redneck. "Sorry, it's three," said the attendant."Come back and try again."

As they walked back to their car one redneck said to the other, "I think this contest is rigged."

"No way," said his buddy. "My wife won twice last week.

2007-11-06 21:17:31 · 9 answers · asked by jake5282 2 in Jokes & Riddles

Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with the lovely blonde, Jan, his regular sales woman.

As Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he asked to look around alone today before he needed her help. She obliged and let him do his thing.

Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, "Oscar! Oscar!

I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!"

"Dear God! Did you try to stop him?"

"No," she said, "I did better than that! I got the license plate number

2007-11-06 21:16:47 · 10 answers · asked by jake5282 2 in Jokes & Riddles

A man is dating three women and wants to
pick one to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives
each woman a present of $5, 000 and watches to see what they
do with the money.
The first does a total make over. She goes
to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up,
and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely
for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because
she loves him so much.
The man was impressed, yet felt something
was missing.
The second goes shopping to buy the man
gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos
for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents
these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money
on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed, but can't
put his finger on what's amiss.

2007-11-06 21:15:23 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

An Englishman, an Aussie and a South African are in a bar one night,
having a beer. All of a sudden the South African downs his beer, throws
his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces and
says: "
In
Sath Efrika our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from
the same one twice."

The Aussie, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his
glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces and
says:
"Well mate, in Straaaaailia we have so much sand to make the glasses
that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either.
The Englishman, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it,
throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun, shoots the South
African and the Australian and then says: "In London we have so many
f*cking South Africans and Australians that we don't need to drink with
the same ones twice.

2007-11-06 21:15:22 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

when you get your period, do you hate getting blood stains on your underwear/pants?

2007-11-06 21:14:01 · 13 answers · asked by -unknown- 1 in Polls & Surveys

Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, "You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?"
Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?"
Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity.
Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really ARE Einstein!" he says. "Welcome to heaven!"
The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials.
Picasso asks, "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?"
Saint Peter says, "Go ahead."
Picasso erases Einstein's equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk.
Saint Peter claps. "Surely you are the great artist you claim to be!" he says. "Come on in!"
Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head and says, "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?"
George W. looks bewildered and says, "Who are Einstein and Picasso?"
Saint Peter sighs and says, "Come on in, George."

2007-11-06 21:13:27 · 7 answers · asked by jake5282 2 in Jokes & Riddles

do you think this is healthy. just asking. another bored question.

2007-11-06 21:13:22 · 4 answers · asked by Sexy house music 5 in Polls & Surveys

....

2007-11-06 21:11:22 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous in Celebrities

Option A:::
Some one who is super attractive and can get anyone they want but has a bad personality like being mean to others and so on but nice to people u know

option B:::
or would you rather be not so attractive and who u can get is very limited but you have a good personality, like being funny kind and sweet hearted

who would u rather be?

2007-11-06 21:10:48 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

In a specific catagory,did it make you feel,..WHOA.......I'm so busted for spending WAAAAAY to much time on this site??

2007-11-06 21:09:19 · 7 answers · asked by FYIIM1KO 5 in Polls & Surveys

50000 ?

2007-11-06 21:04:09 · 34 answers · asked by Dave aka Spider Monkey 7 in Polls & Surveys

Mine's Virgo!

2007-11-06 21:00:36 · 40 answers · asked by Schumi 5 in Polls & Surveys

the later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.

if a dog is georgeous, other dogs wont hate it.

dogs dont notice if you call them by another dogs name.

dogs like it if you leave lots of things on the floor.

a dogs parents never visit.

dogs do not hate their bodies.

dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

dogs like to do their snooping outside rather than in your wallet.

dogs seldom outlive you.

dogs cant talk.

you never have to wait for a dog, they are ready to go 24 hours a day.

dogs find you amusing when you drink.

dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

another man will seldom steal your dog.

a dog wont wake you up at night and ask "if i die, will you get another dog?"

if a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

a dog will let you put a studded collar on them without calling you a pervert.

2007-11-06 20:58:06 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

That they like to curdle up together.

2007-11-06 20:57:59 · 17 answers · asked by elizadushku 6 in Polls & Surveys