Beer is the reason you get up every afternoon.
The only drinking problem you have is the two-hands/one-mouth thing.
Your house is so messy because it spins like a top every time you lie down.
You drink to steady yourself, and sometimes you get so steady you can't move.
You never walk; you just occasionally stagger in a straight line.
You get angry because there's always so much booze left at the end of your money.
You think that drunks are a lot like chess players, only drunk.
You forgot your fishing pole on your fishing trip and didn't notice.
You've been laid out on more floors than Johnson's Wax.
Your liver has hired an attorney.
You wish all the world's parking lots could be somehow turned into lush rain forests, because, you know, it's hard to hide from cops in a parking lot.
Your favorite bar installed a seat belt on your barstool.
The glass isn't half empty or half full. It just needs to be topped off.
You don't fall off the wagon-you leap off it while chugging a bottle of cheap bourbon.
You have two personalities: Mr. Responsibility and Mr. I-Think-I'll-Call-All-My-Old-Girlfriends-While-I'm-Blacked-Out.
The word "rent" loses all meaning after your fifth drink.
http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/
2006-07-10
14:41:49
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10 answers
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asked by
Anonymous
in
Jokes & Riddles