If you are going to change something in my paragraph, please tell me what you have changed by notifying me with brackets. For example: He ran [like the wind]. I need to grab the reader's attention and set the scene with details, include sensory details that make the people, places, and events seem real, include at least on simile or metaphor, and use transition words. Thank you. Here's my paragraph:
The school bell rang and I dashed out of the gate. I waited outside of the school for my older sister, Michelle. Ten minutes later, my sister comes to pick me up from her school. She comes to me and asks,"Are you ready to go?" I replied,"Yes." Our feet were off campus and we walked across the street.
As minutes passed by, we almost reached our destination when my sister and I noticed a big black dog with its cherry beady eyes glaring back at us. We both stop quickly at the same time when I ask my sister,"What do we do now? The dog is blocking our only way to get in.
2006-11-25
15:12:18
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8 answers
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xxd3bbst3Rsxx
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