can you please help me this is a paragraph from a peice of coursework i'm writing(a novel opening) but it doesn't seem right i don't know what it is it just doesn't seem right can you suggest any way i might improve it or whats wrong with it. no nasty comments please thanks
I was sitting anxiously on my bedroom floor, the door locked from the inside and the music blaring. I sat there with my diary open on the night that it all went so, so wrong. The floor was vibrating and I felt my world spinning dangerously out of control and there seemed like nothing I could do about it. I looked up at the mirror and saw myself shaking uncontrollably, tears streaming mercilessly down my face like an overflowing river. I felt so pathetic, so trapped but I knew I had no right to feel like this, it was my own fault. I needed help and I knew who to call: Kady.
2006-10-17
06:57:11
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1 answers
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asked by
pritzy-fairy
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