Entertainment & Music - 16 November 2007

your thoughts please

i hate them

2007-11-16 22:35:54 · 16 answers · asked by ATARI 2 in Polls & Surveys

SOCIAL SECURITY S*X
Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?" "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex." "Social Security s*x?" "Yeah, you know; I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"

LOUD S*X
A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell." "My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is." "The problem is," she complained, "it wakes me up!"

QUIET S*X
Tired of a listless s*x life, the man came right out and asked his wife during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?" She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!"

2007-11-16 22:35:38 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

Would you rather be a celebrity or live a common life?
And why?

2007-11-16 22:35:00 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

1.Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary,
we hear you coming."


2.Outside a hotel: "Help! We need inn-experienced
people."


3.On a desk in a reception room: "We shoot every 3rd
salesman , and the 2nd one just left."


4.In a veterinarians waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes,
Sit ! Stay!"


5.At the electric company: "We would be de-lighted
if you send in your bill. However, if you don't you will
be."


6.On the door of a computer store: "Out for a quick
byte."


7.In a restaurant window: "Don't stand there
and be hungry, come on in and get fed up."


8.Inside a bowling alley: "Please be quiet, we need
to hear a pin drop."


9.In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully,
we'll wait."


10.In a counselors office: "Growing old is mandatory,
growing wise is optional

2007-11-16 22:34:01 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

Stand there saying..... it wasn't my fault! or help me clean it up?

2007-11-16 22:33:43 · 22 answers · asked by ? 5 in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-16 22:32:17 · 15 answers · asked by ? 3 in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-16 22:32:08 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-16 22:32:01 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

One morning a local highway department crew reaches their
job-site and realizes they have forgotten all their shovels.



The crew's foreman radios the office and tells his
supervisor the situation.


The supervisor radios back and says, "Don't
worry, we'll send some shovels...just lean on each
other until they arrive."

2007-11-16 22:31:33 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

A cat and a horse are walking through the forest. Suddenly
the cat slips into a pit of quicksand. "Help me Ed!",
says the cat, "Quick, run home, get the ferari, cruise
back here tie a rope to the back and throw It in so you can pull
me out."


"No way.", exclaimed the horse, "There
isn't enough time. I'll back up, get a running
start, jump over the pit while my di*k drags in the quicksand.
You can grab it and I'll pull you out."


"That'll never work!", said the cat.


"Well dude, you're sinking fast, you don't
have much of a choice."


"OK, dude, go for it."


The horse backed up and ran toward the pit. At the last second,
he jumped and let his di*k drag in the quicksand. As it passed
the cat, the cat grabbed it and, miraculously, was pulled
out of the quicksand.


The moral of this story? If you're hung like a horse,
you don't need a ferrari to get a little pus*y.

2007-11-16 22:31:15 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

i never do!!

2007-11-16 22:31:05 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-16 22:30:52 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Country

An Egyptian man is walking through the Cairo bazaar, when
a stranger comes up to him and offers to sell Viagra (illegal
in Egypt) for 100 Egyptian pounds.


"No, not worth it!"


"OK, how about 50 Egyptian pounds?"


"No, not worth it!"


"OK, 20?"


"No, not worth it!"


"How about 10?"


"No, not worth it!"


"Listen, these pills cost US $10 each. How can you
say they are not worth it?"


"Oh, the pills ARE worth it. My wife is not worth it."

2007-11-16 22:30:51 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

I still think television is an addiction. I only use it for football games and dvds.

2007-11-16 22:30:45 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-16 22:30:23 · 8 answers · asked by Goddess of Grammar 7 in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-16 22:29:09 · 5 answers · asked by Goddess of Grammar 7 in Polls & Surveys

i spend by eating hot peanuts

2007-11-16 22:17:09 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-16 22:15:44 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

For some time many of us have wondered
just who Jack Schitt is. We find ourselves at a loss when
someone says "you don't know Jack Schitt!!"


Well, thanks to genealogy efforts you
can now respond in an intelligent way.


Jack Schitt is the only son of Ave Schitt,
the fertilizer magnate married O. Schitt, the owner of
Needeep N. Schitt Inc. and had one son, Jack.


In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt,
the deeply religious couple produced six children, Hollie , Giva , Fulla , Bull and the twins Deep and Dip. After
15 years Noe and Jack divorced. Noe Schitt later married
Ted Sherlock and because her kids were living with them,
she wanted to keep her previous name. She then became Noe
Schitt-Sherlock.

2007-11-16 22:14:40 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

like if someone said "do you like the band x", should you just say "yes" or "yeah, there great, i love there song xxx and i love the lead singer x"

OK, crappy example but you get the idea!!

2007-11-16 22:11:59 · 40 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

Answers at the end,read it all,not as dirty as some may think

1. What is it that a cow has four of and a woman has only two
of?
2. What can you find in a man's trousers that is about six
inches long and has a head on it? (Hint: Teenage girls love
these so much that they'll often blow them without
even thinking about it!)
3. What word starts with f and ends with u-c-k?
4. Name a four letter word that ends in u-n-t which may be
the name for a member of your family.
5. What is hard, six inches long, has nuts, and can make a
girl fat?


6. What four-letter word ends in i-t and is found on the bottom
of bird cages?


7. What goes in hard and pink and comes out soft and sticky?
8.A finger fits inside it, you might fiddle with it if you're
bored and the best man gets it first.





9. What is it that all men have one of; some men have longer
ones than others; the pope doesn't use his; and a man
gives it to his wife after they're married?

2007-11-16 22:11:58 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

Sarah Jessica Parker

2007-11-16 22:10:52 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

Just spend a whole weekend and do something positive for those who are down on their luck?

2007-11-16 22:10:28 · 6 answers · asked by Nunya Bidniss 7 in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-16 22:01:37 · 5 answers · asked by Alex 2 in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-16 22:01:18 · 24 answers · asked by Fox Paws 6 in Polls & Surveys

Little Johnny is constantly late for school and what's worse is that he always has a big lie explaining why. The teacher tells the principal that she has had it with his exaggerations. The principal tells her to send Johnny to him the next time he shows up late. He will tell Johnny a lie so big that he will never tell another one. Ever.

The next day, Johnny shows up two hours late. Johnny says, "I was two hours early today so I had time to fish in the pond on my way to school. I caught a 17-pound trout and had to take it home. If I didn't clean it and freeze it, my mom would've been angry. That's why I'm so late".

The teacher promptly takes him to the principal's office and explains the story to the principal.

The principal tells Johnny about his own trip to school that day. He says, "I was walking to school through the park on the trail today when I heard something behind me. I turned around and was shocked to see a giant grizzly bear behind me. He was 24 feet tall and had 6-inch fangs. He was going to eat me, Johnny! Just then a little dog ran out from the bushes, jumped up and attacked the bear. The little dog killed the bear and then ate the whole bear right there in front of me. What do you think of that, Johnny?"

Johnny replies, "Oh yeah, that's my dog Sparky. That's his third bear this week."

2007-11-16 22:01:00 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

Two cows standing next to each other in a field.


Daisy says to Dolly: "I was artificially inseminated
this morning."


"I don't believe you, " replies Dolly.



"It's true, no bull!"

2007-11-16 22:00:51 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

I used the old Horse-sounding Throat routine.
I know a guy, who actually said his car door was froze shut!!
(and no, it wasn't me, either!!)

2007-11-16 22:00:44 · 5 answers · asked by Nunya Bidniss 7 in Polls & Surveys

A company hierarchy is like a tree full of monkeys. When the monkeys at the top of the tree look down, they see only smiling faces.
When the monkeys at the bottom of the tree look up, they only see a$$h0les...

2007-11-16 21:58:33 · 8 answers · asked by Pixel 4 in Jokes & Riddles

Men are like newborn babies. They're cute at first, but you get tired of picking
up their crap.


Men are like coffee. The best ones are rich, hot and can keep you up all night.



Men are like computers. Hard to figure out and never enough memory.


Men are like coolers. Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.


Men are like chocolate bars. Sweet, smooth and they usually head right for your hips.



Men are like power tools. They make a lot of noise, but it's hard to get them to
work.


Men are like remote controls. Simple. Easy to use. And usually lying around a TV.


Men are like shag carpets. Soft, fuzzy and extremely easy to walk on.


Men are like vacuum cleaners. They're not much fun, but at least you get to push them
around.


Men are like road kill. They usually just lie around until they start to smell.



Men are like soap operas. They're fun to watch, but don't believe everything
you hear.

2007-11-16 21:57:28 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles