Entertainment & Music - 18 January 2007

A boy wanted to skip kindergarten so he could join the third graders. His teacher, shocked, took him to the principal’s office. The teacher and the principal decided to ask the boy a couple of questions as a test. “What is 3 x 3?” the principal asks. “9,” the boy answers. “What is 6 x 6?” the principal asks again. “36,” the boy answers.” The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, “I think he can go to the third-grade.” “Wait, let me ask him some more questions,” the teacher insists. The principal agrees. “What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?” the teacher asks. The principal’s eyes opened wide in horror. “Coconut,” the boy answers. “What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?” the teacher continues. The principal can’t believe his ears. “Bubblegum,” the boy replies. “You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do,” the teacher goes on. “Tent,” the boy answers. “I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.” “Arrow,” the boy answers. “Damn it, put him in the sixth grade,” the principal interrupts. “I got all your questions wrong myself!”

2007-01-18 22:19:43 · 11 answers · asked by Dr.90703 2 in Jokes & Riddles

2007-01-18 22:18:08 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

It is greater than God and more evil than the Devil. Rich people want it and poor people have it.

What is 'it'?

2007-01-18 22:17:56 · 8 answers · asked by Chrisssy 2 in Jokes & Riddles

2007-01-18 22:17:55 · 25 answers · asked by Raven 1 in Polls & Surveys

Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only.
Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.



Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000 . Now add 30.
Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000
Now add 10. What is the total?

2007-01-18 22:17:47 · 10 answers · asked by KATEL 3 in Jokes & Riddles

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. !
(YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my *hoo-hoo* and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. OH NO! What have I done???!!! Another deep breath and RRRIIIPPP!! Everything is swirly and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.
I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax.
WHAT?! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.
Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down. My LIFE FLASHES BEFORE ME!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door. *hoo-hoo*? Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut!

I penguin-walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!"
What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? WRONG!!!!!!!

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.
Now, the only thing worse than having your nether, regions glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!!

God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter - "So, my butt and *hoo-hoo* are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or *hoo-hoo*?" She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

YEAH!!!!! Right!! Like I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major dive and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.
My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works!!"

I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....

THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color......

2007-01-18 22:17:37 · 2 answers · asked by LunaFaye 4 in Jokes & Riddles

2007-01-18 22:14:52 · 13 answers · asked by turtle girl 7 in Polls & Surveys

I handed you a chance to show your shining talent and what do you give me in return? A pornographic representation of a royal court where the men only deal in buggery and the women's sole object of interest is the dildo!

2007-01-18 22:14:33 · 17 answers · asked by McAtterie 6 in Polls & Surveys

I'm currently on Volume 7, the part when Light/Kira/Raito has the DeathNote again. Will L/Ryuuzaki die? Will Misa die? It still seems to be a long read..............!

2007-01-18 22:13:39 · 3 answers · asked by rinkumi 4 in Comics & Animation

2007-01-18 22:13:31 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

Fifty sure-fire ways to detect paganism without having to resort to a
dunking stool or wart-inspection.

1) Never puts any rubbish out on refuse-collection day. I mean, re-
cycling and composting is fine, but you can take it too far.

2) You casually ask what phase the moon is in, and she tells you down
to the exact number of days, hour and minute of rising, position on
horizon, and current angle of declination.

3) All the stray cats in the neighbourhood tend to congregate in her
garden (and use your own as their litter).

4) A screech owl has chosen the lamp-post outside her house as its
favorite calling-post. That's just when it's getting warm at night
and you like to sleep with the window open.

5) Doesn't cut down the weeds in her garden; in fact it looks more
like she's cultivating them. Needless to say, you get the seeds
wafting over onto your pristine lawn.

6) Most of her clothes on the washing line are black.

7) The local kids talk in whispers as they go past her house, then
start running at the last moment.

8) Nobody trick-or-treats her house; not after the incident when the
kids' costumes were less scary than hers when she opened the door to
them. (She was embracing the Crone that year no doubt!)

9) Footprints on the roof. And the trees in her flight-path have been
pruned down. I swear it's true!

10) She can't even make a simple sandwich without adding fresh herbs
to it. And don't ask her for a cup of tea unless you want something
yellow coloured and smelling of flowers.

11) She hardly ever gets junk mail. You ask her what her secret is
and she confides that she returns it to sender after writing
something on in strange curly writing.

12) When you pop next door for a chat, the kettle is always already
on.

13) The Jehovah's Witnesses never call (not anymore; not after the
last time :-).

14) Keeps the local scented-candle shop solvent.

15) Has a pond full of frogs (and you haven't seen that bothersome
double-glazing salesman around for a while).

16) She's always smiling, darn her!

17) She goes dressed as normal to a Hallowe'en fancy dress party; and
wins first prize.

18) Her house always smells of incense.

19) Has named her four cats Hecate, Kali, Diana, and Moonbeam. (Or
her rats Devon and Cornwall)

20) Her bumper sticker reads "I brake for toads".

21) Frequently gets raided by the drug squad who confiscate large
amounts of dried green leaves; they always return them with apologies
after analysis.

22) At Christmas, it seems like half the garden has been moved into
the house.

23) You sometimes hear the sound of singing and dancing through the
wall. If you look out of the window, it is usually a full moon.

24) She was given a bodhram drum for her birthday. And she plays it
at midnight in the fields. And she's got a blasted tamborine.

25) You discover that her realistic resin skull ornament in her
living room, actually is real.

26) You catch her washing a crystal ball along with the dishes.

27) She wears a lot of silver jewelry, even when doing the gardening.
And bat ear-rings for goodness-sake.

28) You knock on her door and she answers it naked except for a
toweling robe. You apologize for disturbing her in the bath, but
notice that her hair isn't wet.

29) Irritating tendency to hum a lot. What's she got to be so happy
about, huh?

30) She has a tame robin that will eat from her hand in the garden.
That can't be natural.

31) Never catches a cold, even though she walks barefoot most of the
time. In the snow as well.

32) Doesn't kill spiders. Not even big hairy long-legged ones that
suddenly appear from the waste-pipe whilst you're having a bath.

33) She listens to what you are saying like she really cares.

34) She has lots of female friends who come round every few months.
When you ask what they get up to, she tells you that they just have
cakes and ale and a good natter.

35) You catch her hugging a tree.

36) Her dinner-set is decorated with Celtic patterns.

37) She has a mail-order account with a semi-precious gem wholesaler.

38) You notice that the parish priest crosses himself whenever he
walks past her house.

39) She never watches television. And she has shelves full of books
with black spines and silver-lettered titles.

40) To your certain knowledge she has never set foot in the local
church. In fact, you have heard rumours that she has been barred from
it.

41) She makes jars of quince and mandrake relish for the Women's
Institute coffee morning jumble sale.

42) You ask to borrow a pack of cards for an impromptu bridge
evening, and there are 78 in the pack.

43) You have never known her to visit her GP.

44) When you talk with her, she maintains eye contact all the time.

45) Expectant mothers are forever visiting her. Also women who become
expectant mothers a month after visiting her.

46) You ask her for suggestions for nice walks in the area, and they
all go by way of stone circles and strange earth mounds.

47) She only buys organic. And you just bet that she's a vegetarian
as well. (Well, maybe not stricly vegetarian.. ..)

48) When you ask her about her vacation plans, she tells you she will
be camping in a tee-pee in the Brecon Beacons.

49) There aren't any mirrors in her house. Or clocks.

50) She tells you that she is coming out of the broom closet, joins
Witches' Voice, and erects a stained-glass pentacle window in her
front door . Ooo what a give-away!

2007-01-18 22:12:45 · 2 answers · asked by LunaFaye 4 in Jokes & Riddles

Where lies the difference?

2007-01-18 22:11:14 · 20 answers · asked by McAtterie 6 in Polls & Surveys

that someone made and took the wind out of your sails?

2007-01-18 22:11:08 · 13 answers · asked by ♫Pavic♫ 7 in Polls & Surveys

Also, how does the voting system work? is it the person with the most votes that stay or vice versa?

2007-01-18 22:09:45 · 9 answers · asked by Honey 3 in Television

2007-01-18 22:08:58 · 6 answers · asked by fastfreedombailbonds 4 in Celebrities

she is such a two faced b*tch like when she was tlking to shilpa once she was out of the room she started slagging her off to jade, shilpa shouldnt be the 1 up for eviction, danielle should stupid scouse b*tch.

2007-01-18 22:08:55 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Celebrities

examples of lyrics include:

'Mother I can feel the soil falling over my head'
'Girlfriend in a coma I know, I know, it's serious'
Good times for a change, see the life I've had can make a good man bad'
'So you go to a club on your own, and you leave on your own, and you go home and you cry and you want to die'

Does any one else find some of these lyrics funny, or is it just me?

2007-01-18 22:07:50 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Music

blacks will vote for Obama and women will vote for Clinton...THEN, For whom will a black women vote...?

2007-01-18 22:05:52 · 13 answers · asked by adorable 4 in Polls & Surveys

2007-01-18 22:05:41 · 31 answers · asked by James B 3 in Music

I was just wondering. I mean the Bundys are cool and all but why are they all on Y!Answers. Besides Bud. Is Bud on Y!Answers? Do all the Bundy's have questions that are in need of answers???

2007-01-18 22:05:34 · 9 answers · asked by Barlow 6 in Polls & Surveys

My favourite is probably Chapter Four or Beast and the Harlot but I love so many others as well

2007-01-18 22:05:24 · 1 answers · asked by Anonymous in Music

I have TONS of minidiscs and I really just want to transfer them either to cds or onto my hard drive of my computer!!!! MD for short

Please Help!!!!

2007-01-18 22:05:18 · 4 answers · asked by M76 2 in Music

2007-01-18 22:03:51 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

It's for a birthday present. I wanna get him dj equipment. What are the basics u'd need if u wanted to be an ameteur dj? And can anyone recomend a good brand of decks?

2007-01-18 22:03:46 · 4 answers · asked by Fondie 1 in Music

2007-01-18 22:03:21 · 20 answers · asked by McAtterie 6 in Polls & Surveys

Which one would you choose...?

Holding hands or Hugs
To hold back a dark secret from your friends or To be opened with them
To hold in your feelings about someone or To tell him / her right away
To hold out in a difficult situation or To run away from it
No holds barred or Moral limits

Why?

2007-01-18 22:01:23 · 8 answers · asked by ♫Pavic♫ 7 in Polls & Surveys

Gorilla Removers

A man wakes up one morning and there's a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers." He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes.

The gorilla remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull. "What are you going to do," the homeowner asks? "I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, and then I'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball bat. When the gorilla falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his nuts and not let go. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van." He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.

"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner. "If the gorilla knocks ME off the roof, shoot the dog!

2007-01-18 22:01:17 · 6 answers · asked by Eye of the Beholder 4 in Jokes & Riddles

I am sure it stinks anyway! ssssh what a stupid name ..she should learn how to sshhhhhh herself first!

2007-01-18 22:01:13 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Celebrities

or weird being completely normal??

2007-01-18 22:00:33 · 17 answers · asked by S 4 in Polls & Surveys

2007-01-18 22:00:32 · 6 answers · asked by James B 3 in Celebrities