All categories - 17 October 2007

FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a bl*w j*b?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back.
My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY :
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
"If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard as the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch
in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean.
Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clean clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
So, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?"
This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled
"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An older couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:

This one had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow, but don't get any? We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, they were laughing so hard!

2007-10-17 15:05:21 · 12 answers · asked by paddlepop 3 in Jokes & Riddles

2007-10-17 15:05:00 · 6 answers · asked by PeguinBackPacker 5 in Health Care

can I get pregnant from sitting a toilet seat?
as I haven't gotten my period for about a month now and I had
sat on a toilet's seat in my bf house about a month ago

2007-10-17 15:04:58 · 18 answers · asked by hategreyhound 2 in Pregnancy

2007-10-17 15:04:52 · 37 answers · asked by throw_away_your_television_2 6 in Polls & Surveys

guys: do you prefer blondes or brunettes?
why?

2007-10-17 15:04:38 · 17 answers · asked by shalalablonde<3. 1 in Singles & Dating

2007-10-17 15:04:35 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous in Football (American)

2007-10-17 15:04:33 · 24 answers · asked by Nick E 2 in Football (American)

Some people truley love the music of such modern composers as Schoenberg or Stavinsky; others absoulutely _________ it.

In most respects she is a fine person, but excessive stubbornness is the one important ________ in her character.

When two players suddenly started to throw punches at each other during last night game, an ugly bench-clearing ________ ensued.

First and _______ among her many outstanding qualities is her ability to understand the points of view of other people.

word bank
---------------
brawl
detest
flaw
fluster
foremost


fill in blanks from word bank below

2007-10-17 15:04:33 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous in Psychology

hi everyone. whats your personal philosophy that you live by? i love to read these. coolest answer gets 10 points : )

2007-10-17 15:04:32 · 4 answers · asked by shittalkie 2 in Other - Social Science

My husband has a dog {Yorkie} and this dumb dog is constantly going after me if I get too close to my husband.He has bitten me at least 3 times.{He's a small dog,but those bites hurt badly}Anyway this morning I walked near my husband and the dog bit me on the leg ,and my husband done nothing.I told him that he needs to get rid of the dog because he has even went after my children.We got into a big argument about it and I told him before he goes to work he needs to take the dog somewhere else because I no longer want him around.Right now the dog is at his moms house and I'm sure on his way home from work he is going to pick the dog up,but I don't want the dog here.What would you do in my situation.Like I said anytime I go near my husband he goes after me and steps in between us to where we can't be near one another.Is it wrong of me to want him to get rid of the dog?

2007-10-17 15:04:29 · 32 answers · asked by flavagirl 5 in Marriage & Divorce

this guy in my class is dating my enemy right now but hes always showing off in front of me and i catch him staring @ me, and hes flirting w/ me.... but hes dating that *****. wats up w/ him? by the way.. i love him.

2007-10-17 15:04:15 · 20 answers · asked by iluvasia 3 in Polls & Surveys

is it just the variable of choice, that appears daunting but actually isn't? Thanks!

2007-10-17 15:04:11 · 2 answers · asked by Adhilia 2 in Mathematics

I feel like our gene pool wouldn't be as diverse as it is now if we were to actually believe the story of adam and eve

the only biblical explanation i can think of for a slightly varied gene pool would be Lilith having kids with Adam too but that is really not enough for a varied gene pool within 2 generations.

And I don't want to hear any of this "The bible says it, don't contest it" bullcrap.

2007-10-17 15:03:56 · 19 answers · asked by MathieuLePrince 3 in Religion & Spirituality

2007-10-17 15:03:52 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

Calculate the change in thermal energy of 30g of wood that cools from 100ºC to 30ºC. Um any help would be great.

2007-10-17 15:03:44 · 1 answers · asked by Red-Of-Color 2 in Homework Help

ok so I have this guy who I think likes me... I am not sure. He was in love with my best friend but she never saw him that way. I was always the third wheel, the underdog... then he started talking to me agian. I have known him for 3 years and have liked him for that long too. I just told him last weekend that I liked him and after a few confessions, he starts talking about kissing me. I like him and all but I think he has just gotten over my best friend. What is he doing?

2007-10-17 15:03:35 · 1 answers · asked by Anonymous in Singles & Dating

I'm not a prude but I get upset when it is done behind my back. Either he should be smarter about covering his tracks or include me in the viewing. I have voiced my opinion about how it bothers me so now I want to fight fire with fire and show him how this bothers me and makes me slightly insecure. I want him to feel that for a bit.

2007-10-17 15:03:32 · 28 answers · asked by tina m 2 in Marriage & Divorce

okay this is weird but on myspace i heard this song and i just cant find the name i remember parts of it

i want a girl who can **** me like a whore

make me [blah blah blah i dont remember if it said scream or beg] for more


and the person who sang it didnt have like a normal voice it was a chipmunkish voice...


any idea???

2007-10-17 15:03:32 · 1 answers · asked by lauren s 1 in Lyrics

EARL THOMAS CONLEY or JOHN CONLEE

2007-10-17 15:03:16 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Country

I just got out of a relationship a month ago, He crushed me and although it wasnt something like cheating or lying it hurt me alot. I was in love with him. I have met a few guys who seem interesting but it hurts to even think of dating them. Maybe I should be over my ex but I am not. I know he hasnt dated anyone either. How do I get back to dating?

2007-10-17 15:03:13 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Singles & Dating

Ok if you could list some good sounding girls and boys names. First, middle, and last. I'm writing a book and I need 4 names...2 boys and 2 girls

2007-10-17 15:03:12 · 25 answers · asked by Rachel L 1 in Polls & Surveys

2007-10-17 15:03:11 · 28 answers · asked by Heartbreak kid 5 in Polls & Surveys

How do you find the derivative of the squareroot of x?

2007-10-17 15:03:09 · 3 answers · asked by rainon_me 1 in Mathematics

2007-10-17 15:03:01 · 15 answers · asked by TheManWithaPlanNamedRy 3 in Movies

And that there's no one else above them?
Or would that be considered conversion?

Fill my heart with gladness,
Take away my sadness.
Join the Evil Atheist Conspiracy.
It's what we do.

*Huge tear falls*

2007-10-17 15:02:59 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Religion & Spirituality

http://powerballplace.blogspot.com/2007/10/pope-fire.html

2007-10-17 15:02:57 · 8 answers · asked by shiningStar 2 in Religion & Spirituality

For the psp, how far can you be from the wireless router to the psp to connect to the internet.
What I mean is that the nearest wireless router(the one I know of) is at school(and the wireless router is big) and from my house to it is about 2 miles away. Will it work?

2007-10-17 15:02:57 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Video & Online Games

what other colleges near chicago have good 6yr pharmacy programs?? Does Purdue have one??

2007-10-17 15:02:57 · 3 answers · asked by mrsmoan92 3 in Higher Education (University +)

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e215/xxs3xp1stolxx/Jazz%20303h/Picture7.png

2007-10-17 15:02:39 · 1 answers · asked by Anonymous in Mathematics

2007-10-17 15:02:39 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys