At home I’m just normal; I absolutely love football and normal stuff. But as soon as I walk through the school doors I change and rarely talk to many people. I want to. But I just think, what have I got to talk about? and I don’t want to make a show of myself.
The horrible thing is my classmates have probably, after about five years of secondary school accepted me as the quiet boy that never talks and maybe I’m too used to that. My voice seems to go lower in school than at home and sometimes I can’t stand it. I’m not even ugly, fat,or anything else, there’s no reason to slag me, and I never get slagged. It’s just built up over the years since I started school and I’ve never done anything about it, but now that I want to change. I go to bed at night full of optimism, that the next morning is the day I finally change, but in the morning I’m always tired and don’t have the energy for school let alone changing my life. I’ve considered smoking blow or getting pissed before school to lose my inhibitions, but I never do it.
The worst part of the day is at the break at 11’o clock when everyone goes out to the schoolyard. There are basically 2 groups. Group One is the cool (I can’t think of an other word) group and the rocker group (group 2). Basically I know beggars can’t be choosers but I would fit in much better with group 1 than the other group. But because of my shyness, nobody expects me to say anything so I just stand there in the middle trying not to look like a loner (I know I am, but I shouldn’t be). The thing is 2 groups of about 9 forms into separate circles closely packed and I’m left there with the 2 foreigners looking sad.
I’d rather have no friends than to be a geek when I know I’m not. I’m 16 and I should be enjoying my life but I can’t when I have no friends. I used to have them but we just lost touch and grew apart. I could join a club, but theirs absolutely nothing in my area.
I have low self confidence and am afraid if I start talking, I’ll be asked who I hang around with and I’ll say no one, looking like a sad retard.
I wish I went to a mixed school because things would be much better that way. Why did I have to be born shy?
Why can’t I be like everyone else? I’m going to counselling in a few weeks to try and sort some of my problems out. I’ve never been so lonely with Christmas coming up; I can’t bare a 2nd one in a row, alone.
I’m from Dublin, Republic of Ireland
2006-10-19
12:01:32
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8 answers
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asked by
boh990
2