crippled with shyness?

Question

At home I’m just normal; I absolutely love football and normal stuff. But as soon as I walk through the school doors I change and rarely talk to many people. I want to. But I just think, what have I got to talk about? and I don’t want to make a show of myself.

The horrible thing is my classmates have probably, after about five years of secondary school accepted me as the quiet boy that never talks and maybe I’m too used to that. My voice seems to go lower in school than at home and sometimes I can’t stand it. I’m not even ugly, fat,or anything else, there’s no reason to slag me, and I never get slagged. It’s just built up over the years since I started school and I’ve never done anything about it, but now that I want to change. I go to bed at night full of optimism, that the next morning is the day I finally change, but in the morning I’m always tired and don’t have the energy for school let alone changing my life. I’ve considered smoking blow or getting pissed before school to lose my inhibitions, but I never do it.

The worst part of the day is at the break at 11’o clock when everyone goes out to the schoolyard. There are basically 2 groups. Group One is the cool (I can’t think of an other word) group and the rocker group (group 2). Basically I know beggars can’t be choosers but I would fit in much better with group 1 than the other group. But because of my shyness, nobody expects me to say anything so I just stand there in the middle trying not to look like a loner (I know I am, but I shouldn’t be). The thing is 2 groups of about 9 forms into separate circles closely packed and I’m left there with the 2 foreigners looking sad.

I’d rather have no friends than to be a geek when I know I’m not. I’m 16 and I should be enjoying my life but I can’t when I have no friends. I used to have them but we just lost touch and grew apart. I could join a club, but theirs absolutely nothing in my area.
I have low self confidence and am afraid if I start talking, I’ll be asked who I hang around with and I’ll say no one, looking like a sad retard.

I wish I went to a mixed school because things would be much better that way. Why did I have to be born shy?
Why can’t I be like everyone else? I’m going to counselling in a few weeks to try and sort some of my problems out. I’ve never been so lonely with Christmas coming up; I can’t bare a 2nd one in a row, alone.
I’m from Dublin, Republic of Ireland

Answer 1

Please don't go down the drink/drugs route, it will not solve anything & only cause you major problems later on in life & you don't need to do it.

You sound like a perfectly normal & intelligent guy who just isn't into pretending to be something you're not just to fit into a group. It's probably a shame you're not in a mixed school as it would probably be a bit less 'tribal' with the girls presence but you don't have that option so let's deal with your situation.

Jenny Ann's suggestion about getting a part time job in a local supermarket is a very good one as some of your peers might well work there & probably act differently under a different set of rules & it's a potential bonding situation.

If that isn't an option, all I can offer is that you work hard at your studies, do well at school & I promise once you leave & get into the real world through university/work whatever, you will be amazed at how many people will accept & appreciate you as a genuine person who believes in their own sense of self & your ability to be an individual rather than than a follower.

A lot of people who were cool in school end up being significant underachievers later on in life, the succesful people are those that never waivered from their own convictions of being themselves - it may be miserable now but you will get through it & fyi most of the successful people I know now were all unhappy at 16, hang in there, believe in yourself & in a couple of years you will be styling & loving life

Answer 2

First, it's not going to be easy. You're really going to have to put effort into it. I had this same problem and even though this might sound strange, I joined a small theater class. There were about 20 to 30 people in there and a very small stage in the center of the room. Once or twice a week we would get into groups of 2 or 3 and perform a small, 1 or 2 minute scene. This helped so many people in that class. Take baby steps. Go out to eat with someone you are comfortable with at least once a week(you have to sit down and eat. Fast food and take out don't count). Smile at random people as you pass them on the street or leaving a store.

Answer 3

Sorry to hear about your shyness. You need to join a karate or boxing club or something assertive maybe agressive. Also never let anyone take advantage of you and be very careful of what 'everyone' says to you. step back and think about what they say. What would make you choose one group over the other? Maybe if you found out where these groups hang out after school and started hanging out with them things might change,but don't let them initiate you into doing something stupid. Remember, whatever happens just be yourself. Good luck.

Answer 4

Well you shouldn't try smoking or drinking... this is not cool at all... and you will only hurt yourself... Your so called "shyness" is more based on your appreciation about yourself... As the "specialist" says it's all in your mind... In most of the cases this is how shyness thing works: I'm shy becase the other think that I shoudn't or I coudn't... (I let you here to choose the verb) and so on... You should be more confident in yourself and try to speak and act like you are at home. You shoudn't care to much about what the other people think about you... You should be a "fighter" and you should stand-up for yourself. In this shyness the parents usualy have a big role when you grow up... They must do one of the most important thing a parent can do, they must raise they childs and educate them as "winners"... Anyway this is only a "phase" of your "development", you are growing up and you will begin to understand the world arround you better. And you need to undestand that only you can "conquer" your shiness, the others can write or say just words...

Answer 5

My son is the same exact way he speaks confidently and he is accually quite assertive at home but the minute he walks in school he doesnt utter a word.Many teachers were concerned about him but with some research I found out he has selective mutism it is a social phobia (an anxiety disorder) and there is nothing wronge with it you will be fine.Sometimes you grow out of it ,or you may need a little counseling and sometimes although rarely you may need to be medicated either way there is nothing wronge with you. When you are ready you will talk.Check out this website it can help.

Answer 6

How about getting a part-time job in a store w/ kids your age? You'll meet people and be forced to interact. Stores are always looking for extra help around the holidays.

Answer 7

i'm like that too. it's annyoying, but i do have friends.

Answer 8

Try smoking or beer. I know its disgusting but it is vey social. Try it for a week, see how you get on. At least have a lighter with you....