Entertainment & Music - 17 October 2007

My Dear Wife,

You will surely understand that I have certain needs that your 54 year old body can no longer supply. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be perturbed - I shall be back home before midnight.

When he came home, he found the following letter on the dining room table:

My Dear Husband,

I received your letter and thank you for your honesty. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. At the same time I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, my tennis coach who, like your secretary, is also 18 years old. As a successful businessman and with your excellent knowledge of maths, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference: 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, I will not be back before lunch time tomorrow!

2007-10-17 11:07:53 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

which part would you shave?

2007-10-17 11:06:56 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2007-10-17 11:06:20 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend. They had sex for hours, and afterwards, while they're just laying there, the phone rings.

Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation. She is speaking in a cheery voice:

"Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called. Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye bye."

She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"

"Oh," she replies, "that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."

2007-10-17 11:06:15 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

Bebo
Flixster
MySpace
Yahoo! 360
Other

2007-10-17 11:06:07 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

i haven't had a bath in 5 years. [phew]

2007-10-17 11:06:06 · 35 answers · asked by don 6 in Polls & Surveys

I'll give you one clue and one clue only, i'm not going to eat it.
Well, unless the world runs out of food, then i would. x

2007-10-17 11:05:56 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

A driver tucked this note under the windshield wiper of his automobile. "I've circled the block for 20 minutes. I'm late for an appointment, and if I don't park here I'll lose my job. Forgive us our trespasses."

When he came back he found a parking ticket and this note: "I've circled the block for 20 years, and if I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."

2007-10-17 11:05:39 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

2007-10-17 11:04:59 · 10 answers · asked by KatGuy 7 in Polls & Surveys

that you'd be able to shake hands with him without laughing?

2007-10-17 11:04:46 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

Who do you think the most underrated guitarist is? The answer closest to mine gets best answer.

2007-10-17 11:04:36 · 29 answers · asked by BeatlesChick(♥'s music) 6 in Rock and Pop

Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?"

2007-10-17 11:02:47 · 13 answers · asked by Sparky 5 in Jokes & Riddles

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!

2007-10-17 11:01:58 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

2007-10-17 11:00:34 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

why do they put a limit on them?

Don't they know some of use are here long enough daily to find more than 100 interesting Qs?
Especially in P&S?

2007-10-17 11:00:29 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

it's rght at beginning of the episode, he says it crawls in and bites the inside of his ***??? please help im so confused

2007-10-17 11:00:25 · 5 answers · asked by Gina 3 in Comedy

2007-10-17 11:00:02 · 41 answers · asked by Buddie 7 in Polls & Surveys

2007-10-17 10:58:39 · 31 answers · asked by Heartbreak kid 5 in Polls & Surveys

When reading sheet music, what does the arched line that connects two notes together mean?
What symbols tell you to hit a black key?
How do you know which C you start on on the piano?

2007-10-17 10:58:26 · 5 answers · asked by techtonick.com 2 in Classical

2007-10-17 10:57:52 · 3 answers · asked by Misty0 3 in Polls & Surveys

2007-10-17 10:57:42 · 4 answers · asked by Isis 4 in Polls & Surveys

Eye Halve a Spelling Chequer

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rarely ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect in it's weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

2007-10-17 10:56:57 · 22 answers · asked by Sparky 5 in Jokes & Riddles

thumbs up to all your contacts answers?

2007-10-17 10:56:07 · 45 answers · asked by GOLDENFAIRY 7 in Polls & Surveys

what is the one thing besides my dog that I should grab before I run to the basement for cover?
1. Jewlery on dresser top
2. Family Photo Album
3. Lap top computer
4. A couple of paintings

2007-10-17 10:54:42 · 39 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

Politicians can twist any story to suit themselves. Judy Wallman, a professional genealogical researcher, discovered that Hillary Clinton's great-great- uncle, Remus Rodham, was hanged for horse stealing & train robbery in Montana in 1889. The only known photograph of Remus shows him standing on the gallows. On the back of the picture is this niscription: "Remus Rodham; horse thief, sent to Montana Territorial Prison 1885, escaped 1887, robbed the Montana Flyer six times, caught by Pinkerton Detectives, convicted & hanged in 1889. Judy e-mailed Hillary Clinton for comments. Hillary's staff of professional image-adjusters sent back the following biographical sketch:
"Remus Rodham was a famous cowboy in the Montana Territory. His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets & intimate dealings with the Montana railroad. Beginning in 1883, he devoted several years of his life to service at a government facility, finally taking leave to resume his dealings

2007-10-17 10:54:36 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

I liked will ferrell in,
Superstar
Blades of Glory
Zoolander
Old School
Anchorman
Wedding Crashers
Talladega Nights
i kinda liked him in the movie Elf
Night at the Roxbury
i also liked him in Dick
i want to see Semi-Pro that has Will Ferrell in it
and thats about it.

2007-10-17 10:54:30 · 12 answers · asked by jonesee95 1 in Movies

Amazing Anagrams

Dormitory == Dirty Room

Desperation == A Rope Ends It

The Morse Code == Here Come Dots

Slot Machines == Cash Lost in 'em

Animosity == Is No Amity

Snooze Alarms == Alas! No More Z's

Alec Guinness == Genuine Class

Semolina == Is No Meal

The Public Art Galleries == Large Picture Halls, I Bet

A Decimal Point == I'm a Dot in Place

The Earthquakes == That Queer Shake

Eleven plus two == Twelve plus one

Contradiction == Accord not in it

2007-10-17 10:53:54 · 11 answers · asked by Sparky 5 in Jokes & Riddles

Ross, Rachel, Joey, Monica, Chandler or Pheobe? Why?

2007-10-17 10:53:51 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2007-10-17 10:53:18 · 42 answers · asked by tirebiter 6 in Polls & Surveys

So, a cabbie is driving around NYC until the pope hails a cab... the cabbie is shocked and they have a nice chat. The ride is going smoothly until a lawyer is standing in the middle of the road. The cabbie had a huge grudge against lawyers, but he didn't want to go to hell because the pope was in the car. He swerved to avoid the lawyer, and they braked right near the curb. The cabbie said "sorry sir" the pope responds "its ok i got him with the car door."

Funny or not?

2007-10-17 10:52:55 · 4 answers · asked by fabregasfan 3 in Jokes & Riddles