Entertainment & Music - 14 August 2006

One day a little boy woke up and sat down at the table expecting breakfast. However, his mother says, "You don't get any breakfast until you do your chores."

A little ticked off, the boy goes out to do his chores. When he goes to milk the cow, he kicks it.

When he goes to get eggs he kicks a chicken, and when he goes to feed the pigs, he kicks one of them.

When the little boy sits down his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.

"Where is the bacon, eggs and milk?" asks the little boy.

His mother replies, "I saw you kick the cow, so you don't get any milk; I saw you kick a chicken so you don't get eggs; and I saw you kick a pig so you don't get any bacon!"

Just as she finishes saying this, the boy's father comes down the stairs and kicks the cat.

The little boy looks up at his mother and asks, "Do you want to tell him, or should I?"

2006-08-14 20:56:24 · 6 answers · asked by Woody 3 in Jokes & Riddles

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Taxi Driver in Heaven?

A minister has just died and is standing in line waiting to be judged and admitted to Heaven. While waiting he asks the man in front of him about himself. The man says, "I was a taxi driver from New York City."

The angel standing at the gate calls out "next," and the taxi driver steps up. The angel hands him a golden staff and a cornucopia of fruits, cheeses, and wine and lets him pass. The taxi driver looks pleased and proceeds through the gates into heaven.

The minister begins to think about the richness he'll get upon his entrance.

But instead, the angel hands him a wooden staff and some bread and water.

The minister is very concerned and asks the angel, "That guy is a taxi driver and gets a golden staff and a cornucopia! I spend my entire life as a minister and get next to nothing! How can that be?"

The angel replies, "Up here we judge on results. All of your people slept through your sermons. In his taxi, they prayed."

2006-08-14 20:54:04 · 6 answers · asked by Woody 3 in Jokes & Riddles

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Women Over 50?

As I grow in age, I value women who are over 50 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 50 will not lay next to you in bed and ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 50 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting.

A woman over 50 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 50 give a darn what you might think about her or what she's doing.

Women over 50 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

A woman over 50 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women.

Women over 50 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 50. They always know.

A woman over 50 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 50 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 50 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coifed hot woman of 50+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 18-year-old waitress.

For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free," here's an update for you: Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.

2006-08-14 20:52:44 · 8 answers · asked by Woody 3 in Jokes & Riddles

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The Condom Shelf?

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"

Dad, wanting to be an open, liberal, matter-of-fact father, replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."

"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"

The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys: one for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."

"Cool!" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"

"Those are for college men," the dad answers. "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."

"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, looking on the shelf more closely to see if there are any other options. He sees it: "Then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack.

With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March...."

2006-08-14 20:51:09 · 13 answers · asked by Woody 3 in Jokes & Riddles

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where is the best place to party on a thursday night in las vegas?

partying in las vegas on a budget

2006-08-14 20:51:05 · 6 answers · asked by diana s 1 in Other - Entertainment

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Do you hate Rap?

Rymes with CRAP

2006-08-14 20:48:50 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Music

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If water rides on Gold, what rides on silver?

2006-08-14 20:48:49 · 3 answers · asked by Michael 5 in Other - Entertainment

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When is your birthday?

2006-08-14 20:47:18 · 29 answers · asked by GrAcE 1 in Other - Entertainment

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how much is that doggy in the window?

2006-08-14 20:45:29 · 38 answers · asked by Anonymous in Music

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How do you fight everyday present injustice?

2006-08-14 20:45:05 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

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what kind?

i have been playing the acoustic guitar for about a year now and ive been thinking about getting an electric. of course i dont want to spend thousands on a new guitar but i dont want it to be a piece of junk either. any ideas? brands? good prices? maybe a good place to check some out? anything would help.

2006-08-14 20:44:26 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Music

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Who is your favorite rap artist(s)?

Not just who is out now but those from the beginning.

2006-08-14 20:44:11 · 17 answers · asked by Spiritoso 3 in Polls & Surveys

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Ever found your comfort level?

....was it behind a fridge or somewhere like that.

2006-08-14 20:43:42 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

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where can I buy secret smile dvd with David Tennant,?

ITV two part series

2006-08-14 20:43:30 · 6 answers · asked by teddytops 1 in Television

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what scares you the most? Cockroach or rats?

2006-08-14 20:42:31 · 26 answers · asked by GrAcE 1 in Polls & Surveys

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who here....?

likes placebo?

2006-08-14 20:42:08 · 9 answers · asked by whorehouse_revelation70 1 in Music

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does anyone else have song that calms them down but is in no way like there normal listening style?

i normaly listen to rock music and some country but the song that calms me is called tradewinds by kenny g just wonderd if any one else had one that was this far from there normal listening prefernces

2006-08-14 20:41:00 · 11 answers · asked by bigrigdvr 3 in Music

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Where U at???

well?
menally?
Physically?
c'mon.. where?

me. mentally.. content.
physically.. Cali coast.

2006-08-14 20:40:55 · 33 answers · asked by rcsanandreas 5 in Polls & Surveys

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if any one?

if any one haze some kool pics of eminem send them to me

2006-08-14 20:40:19 · 1 answers · asked by Anthony A 1 in Music

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Nickelodeon Versus?

Which currently running show is better, Sponge Bob Square Pants or Jimmy Neurton: Boy Genius? Yes, they have shown that 40% of adults watch Sponge Bob.

2006-08-14 20:40:06 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Television