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The death of a family member can alter a child’s life forever. The key is to give children the proper guide ness; they need from their parents, teachers, and other significant adults in their life. Children can learn to grief in a positive ways. For the child to cope with death of his or her love one, and learn to grief and express their emotions they need to understanding the cause of death, through their family communication structure.
A children’s age makes a differences when they are trying to grief and understand death, also their state of behavior and emotional state changes, children need to be helped when they are ready to talk about their dreadful experiences.
According to Ms. Mc Cue ( qtd. in Chira, Susan) “a child’s age makes a difference in the way a child response to the grieving process and understand death; a 3– year old may not talk too much about his or her feelings”. But children will talk about their loss to strangers. At this age the child may ask “When is mommy coming home?” despite having her or his mothers or fathers death explained several times. Ms. Mc Cue affirms that a 4- year old child may have little appreciation and understanding of the finality of death.
In other article by Perry, Bruce D. “Helping Kids face up to Loss.” insists that children of different ages have different ways of adapting abstract concept of death. However, Brodkin, Adele M. article “My Grandpa Died” say’s that a 4 – year old does understand the meaning of death, but it is difficult for any child to tolerant sadness for a long time, so their grief is intermittent. Equally important, by 5 or 6 these children, again according to Brodkin, Adele M children realize that everyone dies eventually, and by the time they are 8 or 9 years old a child knows that they too, will die. In contract, Grollman Earl, book “Talking about Death” p.35 says that every children of the same age differ widely in their behavior and development: some are mature and stable even when fell with tragedy; others are seemingly immature and may seem younger in relation to their years. Children should not be fit into a fixed age category.
Comparing to Grollman Earl, and Brodking Adele M. youngsters at age 5 are able to understand the meaning of physical death. Death is final; living things must die. But they may not think of it happening to them. At this age they may neither deny death nor accept it inevitability. This is why a child’s age makes a significant difference in the way she or he may response to the grieving process and understand death; the best way to respond to a child occurring to their age is simple, age-appropriate answers are best.
A child’s state of behavior and emotional states changes. Rephrasing the words of Brodkin, Adele M. a child’s change in behavior is not a surprise. Children can be sad for a few days and in no time at all, a child may laugh and a short while later the sad mood returns. Children’s moods become so changeable, a child’s may tell someone that their grandpa died and be sad and later skips off to play and acts as if nothing happen.
A child’s emotional stage changes, according to Perry, Bruce D. the primary emotion during this time if fear. Overtime, the child’s thoughts will be dominated by loss with the primary emotion being sadness. Also sleep, eating patterns, and interest in school diminish. Furthermore, the child’s sadness moods may float on and out of sadness and this is maybe enough to convince people that the children do not understand the permanence of death.
Next, children need to be helped when they are ready to talk about their dreadful experiences. When children ask for explanations about his or her loss according to Perry, Bruce P. the child is ready to talk an adult may help by listening and talking. They also seek for guidance, and comfort from adults. Children ask questions and expressed indirectly what they feel through play.
Karen DeBord and Nick Amann journal “Benefits of Play in Children” A child can express feelings and emotions through various types of play activities like art, and stories, far earlier than they can express them in words. Likewise, for older children, play may be the means through which they express emotions that they are either unwilling to share verbally or do not have the sufficient vocabulary to express. Through play children can be anyone, at anyplace, at anytime and easy express what they feel.
Finally, Perry, Bruce say’s that consoling a child who lost a beloved family member is a great challenge, because they may become from sadness to aggressive or withdrawal from play. On the other hand, Brodkin, Adele M. say’s that at school children share their thoughts at their own pace and through play like Perry, Bruce P. mention. But they start to express worries.
Brodkin, Adele M. suggests not avoiding the topic when the child brings it up. Be available when the child wants to talk, but avoid probing. Be prepared to discuss the same details again and again. Expect the child not to hear things that first time. Patiently, repeat facts for her or he, and always try to bring positive memories, images, and recollections in the conversation. Grollman, Earl A. p 41 say’s that an explanation might involve tress and leaves and how long that last. Step by step, in accordance give examples with the child’s ability to understand.
Thus, or therefore, when consoling a grieving child, we can do are best by following his or her lead when he or her expresses the need to talk, and let the child know that we understand her or him if he wants to play, seeming oblivious to the loss instead, we should go along with the mood.
In conclusion, a children’s age affects their grieving process when dealing with death. Their behavior and emotional state changes and they need to find support when they are ready to talk about death. I think that the best way to help a child go through grieving is by listening, being honest, talking, about the person who died, and creating an environment that is safe for grieving. Further examination should be investigated in the part of educators so we can help children cope in their best way they can.
2007-07-09
03:33:51
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7 answers
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asked by
Elisa O
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Mental Health