Entertainment & Music - 3 November 2006

One day, in line at the works cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind Him "My Elbow hurts like hell. I suppose I'd better see a doctor!"

"Listen, don't waste your time down at the surgery," Mike replies.

"There's a diagnostic computer at Tesco. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong, and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and only costs five quid.....a lot quicker and better than a doctor and you get Club card points".

So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Tesco.

He deposits five pounds and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks".

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and "pleasured himself" into the mixture for good measure.

Jack hurried back to Tesco, eager to check what would happen. He deposits five pounds, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:
1) Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2) Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3) Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4) Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5) And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.....

2006-11-03 22:30:54 · 8 answers · asked by flicflac 3 in Jokes & Riddles

i need a cup bad

2006-11-03 22:29:44 · 29 answers · asked by hfroggie2005 5 in Polls & Surveys

I Used to fink Justin Timberlake was jus an avergae pop dude but lately his tunes have been really decent especially his new one 'My Love' - when he performed it on Parkison i was quite impressed lol... what everyone else think?

2006-11-03 22:29:34 · 6 answers · asked by a$#!£y 1 in Music

2006-11-03 22:29:22 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous in Celebrities

I was watching last night and the question was so blindingly obvious that I simply cannot believe the 20 or so people that got through live and answered incorrecly were genuine callers.

They had to be working for the company. No one, let alone 20 people, could be so thick as not to know such a simple answer!

Is there some kind of legal loophole that lets them pretend to take genuine calls?

I mean when the presenter says "the answers on the screen" and it is, why would anyone say anything different?

2006-11-03 22:28:54 · 4 answers · asked by Young Man 3 in Television

and after what, 4 seasons? wouldn't jack bauer have post traumatic syndrome or something?

2006-11-03 22:27:45 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Television

2006-11-03 22:27:34 · 6 answers · asked by Dez 2 in Celebrities

A friend said this was in a book but didn't remember the title; would be interested in that, too

2006-11-03 22:27:21 · 3 answers · asked by Bryce 7 in Horoscopes

2006-11-03 22:24:40 · 28 answers · asked by kdjcfc 2 in Comics & Animation

You know, the joke about the retired guy at Wal-Mart:

Went into a fitting room, shut the door
waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "There
is no toilet paper in here!"

I know someone who claims they really did this. I don't know if I believe he did it or not, he may just know this joke.

2006-11-03 22:23:33 · 9 answers · asked by Jaedyn=God has heard 2 in Jokes & Riddles

By My Chemical Romance. I personally found it mind-blowing stuff. I only bought it on thursday, and have persuaded myself to listen one song at a time to draw out the pleasure and suspense...
What do YOU think of it?

2006-11-03 22:22:03 · 17 answers · asked by Off-with-their-heads! 2 in Music

the BEACH???
(just ONE thing!!!)

lol, lets see the intersting answers... ;)

2006-11-03 22:21:43 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

1. holiday?
2. flavor of pie?
3. excuse (a lil white lie)

just a silly survey, thanx :) lol

2006-11-03 22:20:08 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

do you "do your victory dance"? "celebrate a little"? "brag a little" too? lol...thats what the yahoo people write...

*just a silly Q* lol

2006-11-03 22:18:28 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2006-11-03 22:18:24 · 5 answers · asked by rockey1011 1 in Television

Mine are Tattoos

2006-11-03 22:17:04 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

-can you go to yahoo.com
-horoscopes
-copy the horoscope and paste it here

Make sure the horoscope is for Saturday Nov 4th.

( Also indicate which state you are from.)

( I want to see if the horoscope in India for the 4th is the same as the horoscope in the US. )

2006-11-03 22:15:47 · 3 answers · asked by M 1 in Horoscopes

2006-11-03 22:14:00 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

I just had the ol jehovas witness knock on the door , he said would you have a few moments to spare to talk about god an all that stuff , i said yes mate come in , let me take your coat , sit down , would you like a cuppa tea and a piece of cake , he said yes so we did all that , then i said what happens now , he said , f*cked if i know mate i'v never got this far before !

2006-11-03 22:11:53 · 14 answers · asked by nicemanvery 7 in Jokes & Riddles

All 5 of them with an Album and Tour just like the old days.

2006-11-03 22:11:07 · 9 answers · asked by Jungle Luv 5 in Music

hot t/c?

2006-11-03 22:10:35 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2006-11-03 22:04:32 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Magazines

I love too many songs to specify-but my faves include
Oasis-Wonderwall
The Kooks-Naive
YeahYeahYeah's-Gold Lion
Siouxsie & The Banshees-Hong Kong Garden
Radiohead-Knives Out
The Shins-New Slang
John Mayer-Stop This Train
Smashing Pumpkins-1979

I'm charged a lot for rent but get unlimited downloads-so i've been downloading thousands of songs (in an attempt to justify the expensive rent) and,both music and movies are my life's greatest pleasures-so go ahead,tell me which songs you feel should truly be appreciated as the best of the best.

2006-11-03 22:04:21 · 10 answers · asked by al 2 in Music

This was a low budget film and when it was being made, John Carpenter sent someone out to grab a mask out of a dime store. This mask is an actor/character of a classic TV show. You know who ?

2006-11-03 22:03:28 · 6 answers · asked by elthe3rd 4 in Movies

2006-11-03 22:02:44 · 3 answers · asked by sk8erboy 1 in Movies

I live in the U.S.A Houston, Texas
The city is beautiful. There are things like the space center NASA- Galveston just a hour or less away. Plenty of things to do there. Moody Gardens, ,the ocean,.. wow, its hot most of the year. It is just finally reached one of the coldest times of the year at a LOW 53 degrees. The whole state is awsome.....TEXAS:-)

2006-11-03 22:02:17 · 19 answers · asked by inthrutheoutdoor 3 in Polls & Surveys

i think Robert de niro he is well better and fit aswell hes a more interesting actor and good to watch

2006-11-03 22:02:05 · 22 answers · asked by catherine m 2 in Movies

who do you think is better superman or batman?
my brother thinks batman is better cuz he is a good fighter ; has gadgets and weapons and batmobile......
but i don't think like that
i think Superman is better cuz he has natural powers ; he can fly...... and muscles!!!!!
and he doesn't need car ; weapons ; gadgets ; like batman .....
i am smallville fan by the way!!!!!!
on what side are you?
mine or my brother's?

2006-11-03 22:01:06 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Comics & Animation

Apart from the obvious things, like hurting a close member of your family or touching up a kid ect. Is there ANYTHING that you would'nt do for £1.000.000?
Try and think of the most disgusting thing you can think of, would you do it for that amount of money and when it comes down to it would you do that thing for less?
For example if no'one would ever know would you eat dog **** for £1.000.000 ....... Lets face it you could spend £100.000 on mouthwash and still lead a very comfortable life.
:)

2006-11-03 22:01:00 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

the Bethlehem job centre to see three men with parcels standing outside his front door. As he goes in Mary shouts any luck dear?. Don't give me that "dear" bulls**t he says, here we are with bleedin baby and Christ knows who the father is, there's no f**king work to be had anywhere at this time of year and there's three blokes outside with stuff from the f**king catalog.

2006-11-03 22:00:52 · 8 answers · asked by Shredder 6 in Jokes & Riddles