Smart Computer?

Question

One day, in line at the works cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind Him "My Elbow hurts like hell. I suppose I'd better see a doctor!"

"Listen, don't waste your time down at the surgery," Mike replies.

"There's a diagnostic computer at Tesco. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong, and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and only costs five quid.....a lot quicker and better than a doctor and you get Club card points".

So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Tesco.

He deposits five pounds and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks".

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and "pleasured himself" into the mixture for good measure.

Jack hurried back to Tesco, eager to check what would happen. He deposits five pounds, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:
1) Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2) Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3) Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4) Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5) And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.....

Answer 1

A lady at the far end of the bar waves her arm in the air to get the attention of the waiter and by doing that, exposes her hairy armpit. Down the other end of the bar is a very drunk man who says "Hey, get the ballerina a drink would you."
"How do you know she's a ballerina?"
"Well, no one else would get their leg up that high."

Oh John, do you remember, the last time we were up here was 25 years ago and we made love for the very first time near an old disused barn. I wonder if we could find it again."
"I shouldn't think it'd be here after all this time." he said, "but we'll go and have a look."
Suprisingly enough, the barn was still there. "Look Doreen, I sat you on that fence over there and we made love, let's do it again." She agreed and he sat her on the fence and began the business.
Doreen went completely wild, thrashing her arms in the air and waving her feet around. "Wow, Doreen, you didn't do that last time."
"I know" she stammered, "but it wasn't electrified then."

A distraught patient phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true", the woman wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so." The doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the woman continued, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious my condition is. This prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS.'"

Answer 2

SCOOP me of the floor worth reading this joke LMAO and a Big Thumbs up

Answer 3

Lmao i've heard it before but it still makes me laugh every time i read it the poor guy he really needs help

Answer 4

Wonderful ROFLMAO

Answer 5

you wasted all your time writing a joke that was horrible I would pay you 50 bucks to delete this crap

Answer 6

Heard it already.But it's great!!!!!! Keep them coming.

Answer 7

hahaha!!!
so u could save money by doing lot's of people at the same time.

Answer 8

Its a good joke.

Answer 9

THAT IS SO CRAZY!! GOOD JOKE!

Answer 10

never heard it b4 one of the best, thanks 4 sharing