Entertainment & Music - 23 September 2007

An Army captain calls his hard-as-nails sergeant major into his office. "Sergeant, I`ve just got a telegram that Private Jones` mother died yesterday. Go and tell him and then send him to me." The sergeant steps outside and has his men line up.
"Listen up men," he says. "Get your bunks ready for inspection. Oh, and Jones your mother died yesterday. Report to the captain."

The next day, the captain calls in the Sergeant and says, "Sergeant, that was a cold way to tell Jones his mother had died. And I`ve just learned that McGrath's mother has passed away. Tell him at roll call, but be more tactful this time."
"Understood, sir," the sergeant replies. He steps outside and brawls for his troops to fall in. "Everyone with a living mother, take two steps forward," screams the sergeant major. "Not so fast McGrath."

2007-09-23 00:34:34 · 10 answers · asked by Em x 6 in Jokes & Riddles

Unisex question!

2007-09-23 00:33:47 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

minus the sticky part

2007-09-23 00:33:38 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven. As she stood in front of Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. She asked, "What are all those clocks?"

Saint Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.
Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move.

"Oh," said Hillary, "whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved indicating that she never told a lie."

"Whose clock is that?"

"That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice telling us that Abe only told 2 lies in his entire life."

"Where's Bill's clock?" Hillary asked.

"Bill's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

2007-09-23 00:26:56 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

2007-09-23 00:25:01 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2007-09-23 00:23:00 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2007-09-23 00:21:37 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2007-09-23 00:21:05 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience.

Seeing God, she asked "Is my time up?"

God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"

God replied, "I didn't recognize you!"

2007-09-23 00:20:23 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

Guys. I'm working on a Dinosaur movie for the next 5 years. But the questions are as follows:
1. Would my movie, Dinosaurs be set in an aspect ratio of 2.35:1, shot on 24-P HD Digital Video, and made for a budget of $330 Million? Would it have a running time of 3 hours and 20 minutes when it'll ever be completed?
2. Would it blend CGI, Animatronics, A few live action characters, 2D hand-drawn animation (for a swimming pool scene extracted from Dexter's Lab: Ego Trip but with Adam the Iguanodon instead of Dexter, and Tearak the Troodon instead of Mandark, and also, Mandark in that Ego Trip caped outfit during the Hell scene), with VFX wizardry, Miniatures, and Digital Environments?
3. Will Skywalker Sound and Park Road Post provide the sound? Will Hans Zimmer, James Newton Howard, Mark Mancina and James Horner provide the music?
4. Would my movie, Dinosaurs launched the celebration of the original Jurassic Park movie's 20th anniversary though it'll be released on November 16, 2012?

2007-09-23 00:16:37 · 3 answers · asked by Timothy M 2 in Movies

I think I'll win the gold medal!:-)

What would you like included that you think you'd have a good chance of winning?

2007-09-23 00:15:16 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2007-09-23 00:14:41 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

A bloke walks into a pub with an octopus and says, "This is a very talented octopus. I'll give £500 to anyone who has an instrument the octopus cant play." A guy walks up with a guitar. The octopus takes the guitar and plays it like Jimmy Hendrix. Another guy walks up with a trumpet. The octopus plays the trumpet like Dizzy Gillespie. A third guy walks up with a set of bag pipes. The octopus fumbles with it, and then sets it down, looking confused. The guy says "Ha! you can't play it." The octopus says, "play it? As soon as i get its pyjamas off, I'm gonna shag it,"

2007-09-23 00:14:20 · 20 answers · asked by J S 2 in Jokes & Riddles

2007-09-23 00:12:36 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

the one (pharmacist) who invested £50k ...in his pursuit of his 'dream'... h really was dreaming..!!

he was really unbeleivable ...

2007-09-23 00:11:06 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Reality Television

hey ya'll. i'm 17 and from houston, tx. today my cousin who lives in london is in houston at hilton hotel. me and mom have got go see them but i'm a bit nervous because i've never really met them. i'm not sure if i have to act different because they are from london or not please help!

2007-09-23 00:09:18 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

Are you .. .
(A) A spur of the moment person
or
(B) Sit and ponder person

2007-09-23 00:08:37 · 65 answers · asked by MynameisShirl 5 in Polls & Surveys

2007-09-23 00:06:29 · 22 answers · asked by Tamara D 4 in Polls & Surveys

I had someone go totally off on me and call me everything but a good person. Then I get an email like "hey, how's it going, not much new here."
I was too stunned to reply, and still wonder if they have multiple personality disorder or what?

2007-09-23 00:04:07 · 42 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

I'm a straight guy but I love being treat like a girl and all my friends have been really surportive and have respected what I've wanted be treat like, especially my exgirlfriend who I can't get over. She dumped me way before I told her any of this, the reason she dumped me is because she thinks I'm too old for her, she's 12 and I'm 14.
But I'm just curious anyway.

2007-09-23 00:02:41 · 18 answers · asked by Lily R 1 in Polls & Surveys

2007-09-23 00:02:20 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

im on bebo, 360 and this

i know of someone thats on 6 different ones!!

what are you on?

2007-09-23 00:01:02 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys