Entertainment & Music - 2 December 2006

2006-12-02 14:56:13 · 7 answers · asked by ? 2 in Polls & Surveys

in. I sent one to my drunken B-I-L and he thought it was a letter asking for money and read it out loud to a bunch of friends. Boy was he pissed when they laughed at him.

REVEREND CHARLES BENNING
19543 S. BOSTON AVE.
WILSON, MASS.
97163


Dear Marty,

My dear Marty, your name was suggested to me by a mutual friend and this address given. I understand you are in need of a summer job and I am in need of an assistant. Please allow me to explain.
I operate a traveling revival show. Fire & brimstone and the like. I had, until recently, an assistant who was a most valuable asset to the intensity and content of the revival meetings, Mr. William Hope. After the preaching, praying and singing portion of the meeting, I do faith healing. This is where Willie was invaluable.
He was so very good at being one of the dregs of society. Everyone believed, immediately, that he was the worthless piece of society scum he portrayed. I would call out to the assembled if there was any among them who needed the healing power of the Lord. At this point Willie would come forward, staggering, drooling and muttering.
His hair was a filthy shamble and matted with urine and blood. His clothes appeared as if he had slept in them for a week. His stench could be realized for six full rows.
He would falter half-way down the center aisle, fall to his knees, pass gas and wet his pants. He would then crawl on his hands and knees to the stage. He had the unusual ability of making mucus run from his nostrils at will.
He would then rise up as I evoked the Power of the Lord and a miracle would occur. He could suddenly talk intelligently, control his bodily functions and the mucus would stop running. The crowd loved it.
It was after this performance I would pass the collection basket and the money flowed like water. I am sure you can understand the effect Willie had on these good-God-fearing people. Sadly, Willie passed away last month. Choking on his own vomit during a bout of drunkenness.
With summer and fall (pre-christmas) being my peak season I'm sure you see why I am in desperate need of someone to take Willie's place. I have been told you are that man. I am even led to believe you already do a lot of the things Willie did. Please contact me as soon as possible or pass this letter to a friend if you are unavailable. It is important to get started as soon as possible since summer is half over.

Waiting to hear,
The Right Reverend
Charles Benning, D.O.D.

2006-12-02 14:56:11 · 4 answers · asked by al p 3 in Jokes & Riddles

in bruce springsteen's "human touch," some of the lyrics go:

I ain’t looking for praise or pity
I ain’t comin’ ‘round searching for a ________
I just want someone to talk to
And a little of that human touch
Just a little of that human touch.

Does he say "I ain't comin round searching for a (crutch or crush)"?????????????

2006-12-02 14:56:08 · 6 answers · asked by christina rose 4 in Music

2006-12-02 14:55:54 · 40 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2006-12-02 14:55:36 · 27 answers · asked by Diesel Weasel 7 in Polls & Surveys

Doing what?

2006-12-02 14:54:54 · 7 answers · asked by listen68 3 in Polls & Surveys

I already have an Ibanez Tallman, doesn't cut it for me, and I just got a 1778 Ovation LX Elite, I love it, it just doesn't have that acoustic sound, and feel. Its great for sitting down, but is just uncomfortable standing up. Any suggestions?

2006-12-02 14:54:36 · 7 answers · asked by Lars 2 in Music

2006-12-02 14:54:36 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

where can i find kingdom hearts comics online for free? please give me urls!

2006-12-02 14:54:35 · 5 answers · asked by nobody 2 in Comics & Animation

2006-12-02 14:54:28 · 2 answers · asked by ? 3 in Polls & Surveys

I turn polar bears white
and I will make you cry.
I make guys have to pee
and girls comb their hair.
I make celebrities look stupid
and normal people look like celebrities.
I turn pancakes brown
and make your champane bubble.
If you sqeeze me, I'll pop.
If you look at me, you'll pop.
I got this from a myspace bulliten and i cant figure it out at the end of the bulliten it also said 97% of Harvard graduates can not figure this riddle out,
but 84% of kindergarten students were able to figure this out in 6 minutes or less. Can some one please tell me the answer!!! thanks

2006-12-02 14:53:19 · 16 answers · asked by bitty1992 2 in Jokes & Riddles

if you can can say what 3 movies, not including the 5th harry potter movie, will be coming out in 2007. i'll give 3 hints: sword, blue and red, and donky. good luck

2006-12-02 14:52:35 · 9 answers · asked by funky star 2 in Movies

I'm finding out that if you are and Aquarius, your favorite color most likely will be purple. I know 5 people who are Aquarius including myself whose favorite color is purple.

2006-12-02 14:52:07 · 17 answers · asked by smurfet0213 2 in Horoscopes

2006-12-02 14:51:29 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Comics & Animation

2006-12-02 14:51:17 · 21 answers · asked by HEY boo boo 6 in Polls & Surveys

2006-12-02 14:51:04 · 39 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

the song heaven help us by my chemical romance is a great song but wat freakin cd is it on?

2006-12-02 14:50:50 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Music

2006-12-02 14:50:42 · 12 answers · asked by Jessie 2 in Polls & Surveys

what is the three main part's of a wood burning cook stove

2006-12-02 14:50:16 · 5 answers · asked by vinel10 4 in Jokes & Riddles

a bottle of wine a rum and coke or what???

2006-12-02 14:50:04 · 25 answers · asked by sicilyuk 3 in Polls & Surveys

A guest with a reservation at our bed and breakfast had trouble finding us and went to the funeral home across the street by mistake
With his garnment bag over his shoulder,he walked in and looked around
Is this where I check in?he asked someone in the lobby
No came the reply...this is where you check out


A 6 yr old comes crying to his mother because his little sister pulled his hair
don't be angry with your sister the mother said she doesn't realize that pulling hair hurts
A short while later there's more crying and the mother goes to investigate
this time the sister is bawling and her brother says
now she knows

2006-12-02 14:50:02 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

2006-12-02 14:49:59 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2006-12-02 14:49:58 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

EXCEPT FROM EBAY!..THANKS

2006-12-02 14:49:53 · 3 answers · asked by Brookeee(: 3 in Celebrities

2006-12-02 14:49:44 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Horoscopes

My Humps Or fergalicious. Please answer the ? only

2006-12-02 14:49:01 · 14 answers · asked by Sexy Mama 1 in Polls & Surveys

2006-12-02 14:48:57 · 13 answers · asked by brownskin_283 2 in Television

Every lyric site I look at has the same copied lyrics from other sites. I know this because they all have the same mistakes! There's somem songs where literally EVERY lyric site has the same missellings and errors and not a single one has the correct lyrics. It's CRAZY!

2006-12-02 14:48:38 · 10 answers · asked by AmigaJoe 3 in Music

2006-12-02 14:48:03 · 37 answers · asked by ~SSIRREN~ 6 in Polls & Surveys

Put something funny down (please don't be a smart alek and say Mastercard, ok?)

2006-12-02 14:47:58 · 31 answers · asked by keybaordz 2 in Jokes & Riddles