Entertainment & Music - 29 July 2006

Memo to All Employees:
Due to the recent economic downturn, we have been forced to implement a new method of employee deductions to paychecks effective as of January 1, 2005.


*SICKNESS AND RELATED LEAVE* We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

*SURGERY* Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

*BEREAVEMENT LEAVE* This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements.
In rare cases, where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is enough to keep the job going in your absence.

*YOUR OWN DEATH* This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your replacement.

*REST ROOM USE* Entirely too much time is being spent in the rest room. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, those whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:10, employees who's names beginning with 'B' will go from 8:10 to 8:20 And so on. If you're unable to go at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your time comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees' supervisors in writing must approve this exchange. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm bell will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door open AND YOUR PICTURE WILL BE TAKEN.

*PAYCHECK GUIDE* The following helpful guide has been prepared to help our employees better understand their paychecks. This will apply in all cases per/$1000 earned:


Gross Pay $1,000.00

Income tax $244.40
Outgo tax $45.21
State tax $11.61
Interstate tax $61.10
County tax $6.11
City tax $12.22
Rural tax $4.44
Back tax $1.11
Front tax $1.16
Side tax $1.61
Up tax $2.22
Down tax $1.11
Tic-Tacs $1.98
Thumbtacks $3.93
Carpet tacks $0.98
Stadium tax $0.69
Flat tax $8.32
Surtax $3.46
Corporate tax $2.60
Parking fee $5.00
FICA $81.88
T.G.I.F. Fund $9.95
Life insurance $5.85
Health insurance $16.23
Dental insurance $4.50
Mental insurance $4.33
Reassurance $0.11
Disability $2.50
Ability $0.25
Liability $3.41
Unreliability $10.99
Coffee $6.85
Coffee Cups $66.51
Floor rental $16.85
Chair rental $0.32
Desk rental $4.32
Union dues $5.85
Union don'ts $3.77
Cash advance $0.69
Cash retreats $121.35
Overtime $1.26
Undertime $54.83
Eastern Time $9.00
Central Time $8.00
Mountain time $7.00
Pacific Time $6.00
Time Out $12.21
Oxygen $10.02
Water $16.54
Heat $51.42
Cool air $26.83
Hot air $20.00
Miscellaneous $113.29
Sundry $12.09
Various $8.01

Net Take Home Pay $0.02

*FINAL THOUGHTS* Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. All questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation's, consternation's, or input should be directed elsewhere. All comments and concerns should be sent to the company arbitrator. Costs for this service is $.02 per $1000 salary earned. Please pre-pay this fee with all correspondence.

2006-07-29 21:29:51 · 10 answers · asked by Woody 3 in Jokes & Riddles

Chevy or Ford?

OH YES I ASKED IT!!! let the mud slinging commence!

2006-07-29 21:27:34 · 31 answers · asked by ? 6 in Polls & Surveys

I simply love the collections of Buddha Lounge! I think they have abt 8 series now.. But i dun have time to go down to town to get the cd.. besides buyin the cd online.. where can i download the songs? for free?

2006-07-29 21:27:18 · 3 answers · asked by AR 1 in Music

ive been trying to find this song um its kind of an oldie.. the beginning goes......everyday my papa worked to help to make ends meet...to put shoes on our feet ...then i dont remeber the rest except for soemthing liek when mama died papa broke down and cried he said why take her not me..............

2006-07-29 21:26:44 · 4 answers · asked by Jenny 3 in Music

I think so

2006-07-29 21:26:13 · 2 answers · asked by gerbil31603 5 in Comics & Animation

2006-07-29 21:24:06 · 8 answers · asked by Ladies man 1 in Television

for the life of me i cant think of who done it yet it is stuck in my head i think it went something like hey there you with the sad face , come up to my place and live up, you beside the dance floor , what do you cry for lets live it up. please help

2006-07-29 21:23:43 · 15 answers · asked by simon g 1 in Music

Your input, serious question!
If any directors are in view, please take this incredibly fabulous idea into consideration

2006-07-29 21:22:57 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Celebrities

Note: It's played in the background on the first episode of that 70's show..
..its one of these tunes that just get stuck in ur head n u can't help hummin it..

2006-07-29 21:22:10 · 2 answers · asked by Sat 1 in Music

"I have two guns......"

2006-07-29 21:20:31 · 9 answers · asked by ? 6 in Polls & Surveys

2006-07-29 21:19:56 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous in Music

2006-07-29 21:19:23 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous in Music

What was (is?) your favorite episode?

2006-07-29 21:19:17 · 11 answers · asked by Lleh 6 in Television

Does anyone know any good movies that are really girly?

2006-07-29 21:17:41 · 24 answers · asked by bobatemydog 4 in Movies

After being interviewed by the school administration, the eager teaching prospect said:

Let me see if I've got this right. You want me to go into that room with all those kids, and fill their every waking moment with a love
for learning, and I'm supposed to instill a sense of pride in their ethnicity, modify their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs
of abuse and even censor their T-shirt messages and dress habits.
You want me to wage a war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, check their backpacks for weapons of mass destruction, and
raise their self-esteem.

You want me to teach them patriotism, good citizenship, sportsmanship, fair play, how to register to vote, how to balance a checkbook, and how to apply for a job.

I am to check their heads for lice, maintain a safe environment, recognize signs of anti-social behavior, and make sure all students pass the state exams, even those who don't come to school regularly or complete any of their assignments.
Plus, I am to make sure that all of the students with handicaps get an equal education regardless of the extent of their mental or physical handicap.

I am to communicate regularly with the parents by letter, telephone, newsletter and report card. All of this I am to do with just a piece of chalk, a computer, a few books, a bulletin board, a big smile AND on a starting salary that qualifies my family for food stamps!
You want me to do all of this and then you tell me . . .

I CAN'T PRAY????"

2006-07-29 21:16:24 · 9 answers · asked by Woody 3 in Jokes & Riddles

pl.reply

2006-07-29 21:16:16 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous in Music

im just trying to argue with my girl....lol

2006-07-29 21:16:00 · 4 answers · asked by blackgenius 1 in Music

2006-07-29 21:13:11 · 27 answers · asked by virgowiccangirl 3 in Television

I did when i broke up a 17 year relationship..

2006-07-29 21:13:01 · 42 answers · asked by ROCKER CHICK 4 in Polls & Surveys

2006-07-29 21:11:33 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous in Other - Entertainment

Arthur Davidson, the inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

Arthur thought about it for a minute, then said, "I want to hang out with God."

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?"

Arthur said, "Yep, that's me."

God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"

Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he said, "Excuse me, but aren't You the inventor of woman?"

God said, "Yes."

"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions;

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;

3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;

5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!"

"Hmmmmm, you have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."

God went to His Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.
The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

2006-07-29 21:11:10 · 3 answers · asked by Woody 3 in Jokes & Riddles

I don’t know what you call it in English. I just want to find conversations of films in English and what happens in written form. So I can watch my favorite films by” reading” them! And it can improve my English a lot. If there are such web sites please tell me. And if it is possible name some good films for me. You know I know names of films in Persian not in English!

2006-07-29 21:09:23 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous in Movies

Cash was and is a very controversial character. How come that he after his death hold so much sway over the American way of thinking?

2006-07-29 21:09:19 · 5 answers · asked by KirstenP 4 in Music

2006-07-29 21:05:35 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Music

2006-07-29 21:04:51 · 49 answers · asked by ROCKER CHICK 4 in Polls & Surveys

2006-07-29 21:04:39 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Celebrities

2006-07-29 21:03:17 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2006-07-29 21:02:41 · 6 answers · asked by Sonny M 3 in Music

One of my favorite songs and one of my all time favorite Idol contestants. Anybody other than me who knows the song Magic Power by Triumph and knows Diana Degarmo's voice and singing style, think she could really do a good job of this song?

2006-07-29 21:00:39 · 1 answers · asked by Sky 3 in Music

write as many as you can =)

2006-07-29 21:00:24 · 7 answers · asked by Jean G 1 in Music