Someone once noted that a Southerner can get away with the most awful kind of insult just as long as it's prefaced with the words, "Bless her heart" or "Bless his heart." As in, "Bless his heart, if they put his brain on the head of a pin, it'd roll around like a Basket Ball on a six lane highway." Or, "Bless her heart, she's so buck-toothed, she could eat an apple through a picket fence." There are also the sneakier ones: "You know, it’s amazing that even though she had that baby 7 months after they were married, bless her heart, it weighed 10 pounds."
As long as the heart is sufficiently blessed, the insult cannot be all that bad. I was thinking about this the other day when a friend was telling about her new Transplanted Yankee friend, who was upset because her toddler is just beginning to talk and hehasaSouthernaccent. My fiend, who is very kind and, bless her heart, cannot do a thing about those thighs of hers, was justifiably miffed about this. After all, this woman had CHOSEN to move to the South a couple of years ago. Can you believe it?" said her friend. "A child of mine is going to be "taaaallllkkin liiiike thiiiissss."
Now, do not get me wrong. Some of my dearest friends are from the North, bless their hearts. I welcome their perspective, their friendships and their recipes for authentic Northern Italian food. I have even gotten past their endless complaints that you cannot find good bread down here. And the heathens, bless their hearts, don't like cornbread, or know how to make a biscuit!
We have already lost too much. I was raised to say "I swaan," not I swear, but you hardly ever hear anyone say that anymore, I swaan you don't. And I've caught myself thinking twice before saying something is "right much," "right close," or "right good" because non-natives think this is right funny indeed. I have a friend from Bawston who thinks it is hilarious when I say I've got to "carry" my sister to the doctor or "cut off" the light. She also gets a giggle every time I am "fixin'" to do something.
And, bless their hearts, they don't even know where "over yonder" is or what "I reckon" means!
My personal favourite was my aunt, saying, "Bless her heart, she can't help being ugly, but she could've stayed home." She says the most beautiful women in the world are from the South. So if you see an ugly girl in the South, you know she is from out of town, or there is some "bad blood" in her family tree.
Southern girls know bad manners when they see them:
1. Drinking straight out of a can.
2. Not sending thank you notes.
3. Velvet after February.
4. White shoes before Easter or after Labour Day.
Southern girls always say:
1. "Yes, ma'am."
2. "Yes, sir."
Southern girls have a distinct way with fond expressions:
1. "Y'all come back! Now ya heaah,"
2. "Well, bless your heart."
3. "Drop by when you can."
4. "How's your mother?"
5. "Love your hair."
Southern girls know their three R's!:
1. Rich
2. Richer
3. Richest
Southern girls know everybody's first name:
1. Honey
2. Darlin'
3. Sugah
Southern girls know the movies that speak to their hearts:
1. "Gone With the Wind"
2. "Fried Green Tomatoes"
3. "Driving Miss Daisy"
4. "Steel Magnolias"
Southern girls know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
1. Hotlanta or Adlanna =( Atlanta as outsiders say)
2. Richmon
3. Challston
4. S'vannah
5. Birminham
6. Nawlins'
7. Naashvul
7. OH! And that city in Alabama ? It's pronounced MUNTGUMRY!
Southern girls know the three deadly sins:
1. Bad hair
2. Bad manners
3. Bad blind dates
G.R.I.T.S. = Girls Raised in The South!
Now you run along, Sugah, and send this to someone else Raised in the South, i.e., Southern Belles, or ANY females aspiring to be GRITS. Even the transplanted Yankees, "Bless Their Hearts".
However, remember, "Just because your children were born in the South does not make them Southerners. After all, if a cat had kittens in the oven, that wouldn't make them biscuits."
Bless Your Hearts and save the world, as it’s the only planet with chocolate
2006-08-19
09:12:36
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32 answers
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Anonymous