>>You've Never Heard a Flight Announcement Like This - Wouldn't you love to
>>have this attendant on your next flight?
>>
>>
>>
>>Thanks to a retired West Jet Captain for sending this "paraphrase" of a
>>memorable safety PA public announcement from their Flight Attendants. In
>>his own words....
>>
>>
>>
>>"I was flying to Vancouver from Toronto this weekend, and the flight
>>attendant reading the flight safety information had the whole plane
>>looking at each other like "what the heck?" (Getting Toronto people to
>>look at each other is an accomplishment.) So once we got airborne, I took
>>out my laptop and typed up what she said so I wouldn't forget.
>>
>>I've left out a few parts I'm sure, but this is most of it."
>>
>>
>>
>>(BEFORE TAKEOFF) Hello and welcome to West Jet Flight 438 to Vancouver.
>>
>>
>>
>>If you're going to Vancouver, you're in the right place. If you're not
>>going to Vancouver, you're about to have a really long evening. We'd like
>>to tell you now about some important safety features of this aircraft. The
>>most important safety feature we have aboard this plane is, The Flight
>>Attendants. Please look at one now.
>>
>>
>>
>>There are 5 exits aboard this plane: 2 at the front, 2 over the wings, and
>>one out the plane's rear end. If you're seated in one of the exit rows,
>>please do not store your bags by your feet. That would be a really bad
>>idea.
>>
>>
>>
>>Please take a moment and look around and find the nearest exit. Count the
>>rows of seats between you and the exit. In the event that the need arises
>>to find one, trust me, you'll be glad you did.
>>
>>
>>
>>We have pretty blinking lights on the floor that will blink in the
>>direction of the exits. White ones along the normal rows, and pretty red
>>ones at the exit rows.
>>
>>
>>
>>In the event of a loss of cabin pressure these baggy things will drop down
>>over your head. You stick it over your nose and mouth like the flight
>>attendant is doing now. The bag won't inflate, but there's oxygen there, I
>>promise. If you are sitting next to a small child, or someone who is
>>acting like a small child, please do us all a favor and put on your mask
>>first. If you are traveling with two or more children, please take a
>>moment now to decide which one is your favorite. Help that one first and
>>then work your way down.
>>
>>
>>
>>In the seat pocket in front of you is a pamphlet about the safety features
>>of this plane. I usually use it as a fan when I'm having my own personal
>>summer. It makes a very good fan. It also has pretty pictures. Please take
>>it out and play with it now. Please take a moment now to make sure your
>>seat belts are fastened low and tight about your hips. To fasten the belt,
>>insert the metal tab into the buckle. To release, it's a pulley thing --
>>not a pushy thing like your car, because you're in an airplane -- HELLO.
>>
>>
>>
>>There is no smoking in the cabin on this flight. There is also no smoking
>>in the lavatories. If we see smoke coming from the lavatories, we will
>>assume you are on fire and put you out. This is a free service we provide.
>>There are two smoking sections on this flight, one outside each wing exit.
>>We do have a movie in the smoking sections tonight hold on, let me check
>>what it is. Oh here it is ... the movie tonight is "Gone With the Wind."
>>
>>
>>
>>In a moment we will be turning off the cabin lights, and it's going to get
>>really dark, really fast. If you're afraid of the dark, now would be a
>>good time to reach up and press the yellow button. The yellow button turns
>>on your reading light. Please don't press the orange button unless you
>>absolutely have to. The orange button is your seat ejection button.
>>
>>
>>
>>We're glad to have you with us on board this flight. Thank you for
>>choosing West Jet, and giving us your business and your money. If there's
>>anything we can do to make you more comfortable, please don't hesitate to
>>ask. If you all weren't strapped down you would have given me a standing
>>ovation, wouldn't you?
>>
>>
>>
>>(AFTER LANDING) Welcome to the Vancouver International Airport.
>>
>>
>>
>>Sorry about the bumpy landing. It's not the Captain's fault. It's not the
>>Copilot's fault. It's the Asphalt. Please remain seated until the plane is
>>parked at the gate. At no time in history has a passenger beaten a plane
>>to the gate. So please don't even try. Also, please be careful opening the
>>overhead bins because "shift happens."
2007-02-14
19:30:02
·
19 answers
·
asked by
Anonymous