A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."
Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says "Huh. I lost 100 pounds!"
Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!"
bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
During the war an Italian girl saved my life. She hid me in her basement in Cleveland.
Why does the New Italian navy have glass bottom boats? To see the Old Italian Navy!
Wife Jokes
My wife is an earth sign. I'm a water sign. Together we make mud.
A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here." "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife." "So you're single…."
Take my wife, please!
I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife every finds out, she'll kill me!
My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food..... She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said, "Somewhere I have never been!" I told her, "How about the kitchen?"
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
2007-03-14
03:59:14
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14 answers
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asked by
Anonymous
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Jokes & Riddles