Here's the deal....I have this crazy *** g/f who I made the mistake of letting her move in with me. She has a 3 y/o daughter who is a brat (of course all kids that age are to a certain extent I suppose), but she is to the extreme. Anyways, I've tried to get her to leave by:
1. Cheating on her (several times)
2. Getting an eviction order from the County Magistrate (although I went back and cancelled it b/c evictions stay on your record if a landlord does a background check....remember I am trying to get rid of her)
3. Acting like a complete asshole (ladies, I am really not one and I hate acting this way)
4. Refusing to be the babysitter
The problem I have is that she has no family and no other friends who are willing to watch her daughter. I am tired of being the babysitter because I am in need of a PT job and just want to go out with my friends sometimes. I am also a full time college student. She also doesn't pay any of the bills...
What else should I do????
2007-11-11 04:23:39 · 21 answers · asked by Wes 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Thanks for all the great answers! But, I have a few more details for you all to consider. I own my home, and I kicked out my brother so her and her daughter would move in (my brother and I don't talk to each other now). It was agreed upon that she would pick up where my brother left off with the bills and just pick up after herself and her daughter . Well, she still hasn't met her agreement and the house is always a mess. She also moved in from her grandfather's apartment so she wasn't giving up anything. Also, I am 28 and she is 22. Technically, she is still married although I am the one that hired a lawyer to finally get a divorce and a child support decree (he hasn't paid in 8 months). I know I've made my own mess here, but I tell her that I don't want to be with her, but she will not leave. I can't throw her stuff out because I actually tried locking her out one time. She showed up with the cops and they forced me to let her back in (something about SC's cohabitation laws)
2007-11-13 08:33:51 · update #1
Oh yeah, every time I try and tell her that I want her to leave, she starts putting the whole guilt trip on me about Scarlett and how she thinks of me as daddy now. Granted, I've bought it and that's why I really haven't done anything, but things are getting worse.
2007-11-14 04:23:40 · update #2
Why doesn't she move in with her mom or grandfather or dad or someone who is close to her? Or if she really doesn't want an eviction on her record maybe you should tell her that is an option if she doesn't leave.
If she doesn't take that option, then get the eviction b/c you tried to do the nice thing, and she still won't cooperate.
Also, if you are stuck baby-sitting, charge her. Explain that you are giving up your free time (that you could spend at a part-time job), and you could use the extra money for bills (ones that she is neglecting to contibute to) and Christmas.
Also, you shouldn't have to pay for the lawyer. That is her mess not yours. Hire that same lawyer to have her kicked out.
There should be a law that states if someone doesn't pay then....
You shouldn't have to rescue her in every aspect of her life.
She honestly sounds like she is using you and will continue until you do something proactive.
I do agree with the above comment to...you shouldn't sleep with her b/c sex is a connection b/w two people, and it maybe misleading to her (as in a relationship aspect)
Good luck b/c you need it obviously.
P.S. If you are not the dad then why let her put the guilt trip on you. It sounds like she is stuck and that you are stuck in a situation that you don't want to be in. Do you want to be with her? If you wanted to just break up with her then why cheat on her. Why didn't you just tell her your true feelings? It sounds to me that she is using her daughter against you, and it seems like you don't want to kick the daughter out. But you did say that the daughter was a brat. What about the family? Is she too proud to accept help from her family?
2007-11-14 02:09:33 · answer #1 · answered by Rach 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honesty is the best policy. If you have made promises to her and she has given up an apartment to move in with you, and now you have changed your mind about the arrangement, then you should discuss it with her. If she has few feelings for you, and is just free-loading this should come out in the discussion. If your apartment is leased in your name only then you would be within your rights to ask her to leave immediately, but it would be nice if you offer to help her find a new place to live.
Decide what to say before you begin the discussion, be firm and set a time limit, tell her what you will do to help, and insist on separate accomodations within the apartment in the mean time. Be a "broken record", keep repeating your points without discussion or arguing. If she brings it up again in the future, repeat your points. At the end of the time limit, bring boxes and help her pack, at that point it should be obvious to her she has to leave. It is not the best choice, but there are women's shelters where she could stay for a while.
2007-11-11 04:39:04 · answer #2 · answered by ScSpec 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a sad situation. You both jumped the gun with moving in with each other. You obviously didn't think that one through and she is probably looking for a home.
Here's what you should do:
1) Sit down with her and tell her that you don't feel there is a future for you as a couple.
2) Work out a timeline for her to move out and start being responsible for herself and her child. Does she get child support for her daughter? Give her 3 to 6 months to get herself on her feet
3) Stop sleeping with her, that only leads her on
4) Start being a man and taking care of yourself by getting a good job and being responsible.
Good luck to you!
2007-11-12 00:42:10 · answer #3 · answered by asldfkjdfj 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cheating on her is not acceptable you should just tell her you are not intrested in her anymore and that she has 30days to move (since she has a child) to insure she wont be back you need to be of assistance to her by helping her find a place of her own, and getting a job if she doesnt have one. Try to cut all tides w/ her slowly, romatic being the first, then babysitting and finacially. She will get the hint then figure out that youre just looking out for her and her childs well being but not as a romantic relationship......
2007-11-11 04:36:58 · answer #4 · answered by KAT 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you ever actually talk to his girlfriend and hear her say it was ok for him to sleep around without her present??? Guys are dogs and will do just about anything to get laid, especially if you’re hot. Seriously, a guy feeling guilty about having sex with a good looking girl is the oldest line in the book. It plays on the emotions of the girl and makes her feel in control of the situation. There’s even a ‘Friends’ TV show episode about it. If she’s ok with it and truly gave him permission then there is no reason you can’t verify it with her. If he gets upset that you want to verify it, then it’s a good indication he’s lying. Also, if he is lying, then are you willing to be “that girl”? You’ve already made up your mind whether you’re going to sleep with him or not, your subconscious is just looking for justification to do it regardless of what the girlfriend thinks. This isn’t a put down, it’s human nature.
2016-04-03 07:39:50 · answer #5 · answered by Tara 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U r a selfish type of a man,u have used her emotionaly and physicaly,now u want to get rid of her because u want to fool some other girl,u knew aout her baby when u started relation with her,u should have thought before inviting her to stay with u.
2007-11-11 04:32:42 · answer #6 · answered by prahlad d 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"3. Acting like a complete asshole (ladies, I am really not one and I hate acting this way)" ....uhm, you are if you've cheated on her.
Be a man, pack her stuff up, sit it on the porch and change the locks and if you can't do it by yourself, get police help to get her out. THE END.
2007-11-11 04:30:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow dude, either she really loves you and thinks that she cant have nobody better than you or she is just using you.
I dont think you had to go cheat on her cuz I dont think that is the appropriate answer but hey you did what you thought was right.
All I can think of is, maybe you can hook her up with someone who is willing to do all that.
2007-11-11 04:29:52 · answer #8 · answered by FK 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's best to be honest just tell her how you feel. That the living situation just is'nt working out and the responsibility for the little girl is just too much for you. Just tell her you need your space to calm down and decide about the relationship.
2007-11-11 05:59:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its easy, tell her that you don't want to see her anymore and I'm sure she has family somewhere. You're not her parent that needs to be supporting her (you're too young), plus you have your own problems. The thing is that you cheating her and treating her like crap makes you an asshole, just break it off ASAP.
2007-11-11 04:28:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋