Polls & Surveys - 22 September 2006

2006-09-22 08:22:58 · 9 answers · asked by Naddo 3

2006-09-22 08:22:41 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-22 08:22:20 · 18 answers · asked by _chooly_ 2

my son does he went nutz when he seen the new elmo on the news its so cute and does more than the old tickle me elmo

2006-09-22 08:22:20 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

There was this giant tiger chasing me last night, and it kept changing colors sometimes it was black, sometimes white or orange, it was chasing me and It pounced on top of me, but it didn't bite me or anything and I think it was trying to hump me but only manage to scratch the hell out of me... What does it mean?

2006-09-22 08:21:21 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"

The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

2006-09-22 08:21:17 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-22 08:19:55 · 16 answers · asked by gene_harden2000 3

and told you that you were the most beautiful/handsome person they had ever seen in their whole life?

2006-09-22 08:19:35 · 20 answers · asked by munesliver 6

2006-09-22 08:19:18 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-22 08:18:38 · 4 answers · asked by chris 1

2006-09-22 08:18:22 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Keep it clean, people, lol.

2006-09-22 08:17:49 · 4 answers · asked by munesliver 6

2006-09-22 08:17:43 · 2 answers · asked by ? 2

2006-09-22 08:16:57 · 26 answers · asked by Joni J 6

why didn't anyone tell me?

2006-09-22 08:16:46 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-22 08:16:36 · 30 answers · asked by Joni J 6

This is hysterical! For all you would-be animal experts, which I'm not!


LIZARD BIRTHING:

If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet
syndrome including toilet flush burials for dead goldfish, the story
below will have you laughing out LOUD! Overview: I had to take
my son's lizard to the vet. Here's what happened:

Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was
"something wrong" with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room.
"He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious, dad,
can you help?"

I put my best lizard-healer statement on my face and followed him into
his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back,
looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do.

"Honey," I called, "come look at the lizard!"

"Oh my! Gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having babies."

"What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"

I was equally outraged.

"Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to
reproduce," I accused my wife.

"Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" she
inquired. (I actually think she said this sarcastically!)

"No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her, (in my
most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth together).

"Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.

"Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know," she
Informed me. (Again with the sarcasm, you think?)

By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on.
I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it. "Kids, this is going to
be a wondrous experience, I announced.

"We're about to witness the miracle of birth."

"Oh, gross!" they shrieked.

"Well, isn't THAT just great! What are we going to do with a litter of
tiny little lizard babies?" my wife wanted to know. (I really do think
she was being snotty here, too. Don't you?)

We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a
tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.

"We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted. "It's breech,"
my wife whispered, horrified.

"Do something, Dad!" my son urged.

"Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it
next appeared, giving it a gentle tug. It disappeared. I tried several
more times with the same results.

"Should I call 911," my eldest daughter wanted to know. "Maybe they
could talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with the
females in my house?)

"Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly.

We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap. "Breathe,
Ernie, breathe," he urged.

"I don't think lizards do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women can
be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one
thing, but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.)

The Vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little
animal through a magnifying glass.

"What do you think, Doc, a C-section?" I suggested scientifically.

"Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. And Mrs. Cameron, may I
speak to you privately for a moment?"

I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.

"Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.

"Oh, perfectly," the Vet assured us. "This lizard is not in labor. In
fact, that isn't EVER going to happen... Ernie is a boy. You see,
Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity,
like most male species, they um....um. ...masturbate. Just the way he
did, lying on his back." He blushed, glancing at my wife. "Well, you
know what I'm saying, Mr. Cameron."

We were silent, absorbing this.

"So Ernie's just...just... Excited," my wife offered.

"Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood.

More silence. Then my viscous, cruel wife started to giggle. And
giggle. And then even laugh loudly.

"What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the
woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless
manliness.

Tears were now running down her face. Laughing "It's just...that...I'm
picturing you pulling on its... its...teeny little..." she gasped for
more air to bellow in laughter once more.

"That's enough," I warned. We thanked the Vet and hurriedly bundled
the lizards and our son back into the car. He was glad everything was
going to be okay.

"I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Dad," he told me.

"Oh, you have NO idea,"

Closed mouth, my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.

2 - Lizards - $140...
1 - Cage - $50...
Trip to the Vet - $30...

Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's winkie... Priceless!

Moral of the story - finish biology class - lizards lay eggs!

2006-09-22 08:16:21 · 4 answers · asked by hlpz76 4

I'm a unemployed high school student and I might want to be a Music Producer or a Real Estate Agent

2006-09-22 08:16:05 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-22 08:15:50 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-22 08:15:15 · 15 answers · asked by _chooly_ 2

If your best friend, whom you loved did something horrific (insert worst thing you could imagine them doing here), if it wasn't to you or someone you loved? Would you avoid them, or try to understand and accept them?

2006-09-22 08:14:17 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

There will be blood!

2006-09-22 08:13:48 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-22 08:13:35 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-22 08:12:44 · 5 answers · asked by ????a?? ? 5

2006-09-22 08:12:06 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Can't anyone stand on their own two anymore?

2006-09-22 08:12:01 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-09-22 08:09:48 · 38 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-22 08:09:37 · 22 answers · asked by munesliver 6

orange
peach
lemon
lime
rasberry
pineapple
rainbow

2006-09-22 08:06:19 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

I used a coffee filter once.

2006-09-22 08:05:23 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous