Other - Entertainment - July 2006

Willys cynical thought for the day;

People always say, 'the Blues are simple.' Well, that's true 'the Blues are simple' if you ignore the freaking complexities!'

HOW TO SING THE BLUES  

1. Most blues begin "woke up this morning."  
2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line. Like;

"I got a good woman with the meanest dog in town."  

3. Blues are simple. After you have the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes. Sort of.  

"Got a good woman with the meanest dog in town. He got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and he weighs about 500 pounds."  

4. The blues are not about limitless choice. Blues cars are Chevies and Cadillacs. Other acceptable blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Walkin’ plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin’ to die.  

6. Teenagers cant sing the blues. Adults sing the blues. Blues adulthood means old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.  

7. You can have the blues in New York City, but not in Brooklyn or Queens. Hard times in Vermont or North Dakota are just a depression. Chicago, St. Louis and Kansas City are still the best places to have the blues.  

8. The following colors do not belong in the blues:   
a. violet  
b. beige  
c. mauve  
d. magenta

9. You cant have the blues in an office or a shopping mall, the lighting is wrong.  

10. Good places for the Blues:   
a. the highway  
b. the jailhouse  
c. the empty bed  
d. the corner of Elm St. & Vine

Bad places:   
a. Ashrams  
b. Gallery openings  
c. weekend in the Hamptons  
d. on a trip to disney world

11. No one will believe it's the blues if you wear a suit, unless you happen to be an old black man. Especially if you spent the night in the suit and it shows the fruppiness!

12. Do you have the right to sing the blues?   
Yes, if:   
a. your first name is a southern state, like Georgia  
b. you're blind  
c. you shot a man in Memphis.  
d. you cant be satisfied.  

No, if:   
a. you were once blind but now can see.  
b. you're deaf  
c. you have a trust fund.  
d. you're a teen-ager it don't matter how many men you kill in Memphis

13. Neither Julio Iglesias nor Barbara Streisand can sing the blues.  

14. If you ask for water and your baby gives you gasoline, it's the blues. Other blues beverages are:   
a. cheap wine not Chateau whatever
b. Irish whiskey or Jack
c. Muddy water
d. water down-stream from a toxic waste dump

Blues beverages are NOT:   
a. Any mixed drink  
b. Any wine kosher for Passover  
c. Yoo Hoo (all flavors)   
d. bottles water (Blues people drink from the freaking hose!)

15. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is a blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse or being denied treatment in an emergency room. It is not a blues death, if you die during a liposuction treatment.  

16. Some Blues names for Women  
a. Sadie  
b. Big Mama  
c. Bessie  
d. Little Girl

17. Some Blues Names for Men  
a. Joe  
b. Willy 
c. Little Willie  
d. Lightning  

Persons with names like Sierra or Sequoia will not be permitted to sing the blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.  

17B. Other Blues Names (Starter Kit)   
a. Name of Physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Asthmatic)   
b. First name (see above) or name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi)   
c. Last Name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)  

Okay let me try this; "One-armed tattooed Willy Cantelope Clinton..." Now let me know how that 'rolls off the tongue?'

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-07-13 05:11:40 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-13 05:11:33 · 8 answers · asked by Gordita1920 1

2006-07-13 05:11:29 · 20 answers · asked by lalala 2

Does anyone have any advice on how to win concert tickets??? Are there any special tricks to call in and win? It seems that the line is constantly busy and there is absolutely no way to win the tickets. Has anyone ever won tickets from a radio station? If so, how? Thanks for your help and advice :-)

2006-07-13 05:10:38 · 14 answers · asked by frogaholic2006 1

2006-07-13 05:06:20 · 1 answers · asked by Anonymous 1

I just recieved the answer to my prayer I won the lottery. Not so, some how I was randomly selected and won the international global lottery for a million bucks( what dreams we could have fulfilled )but hey the have websites real looking autehtic letters and they are frauds, with real address of attorneys,legal assistants you name they have the works to fish,hook line and sink you in. Don't fall for it they ask you for money to process you claim and then your out of time money and hopes these phirranas set up for innocent folk.

2006-07-13 05:03:52 · 8 answers · asked by Minerva I 1

Ladies, what do men do, that gets you extremely turned on.."? it coud be anywhere at anytime...

2006-07-13 04:52:23 · 7 answers · asked by mrcantgetenough1 1

Are they any good for fitness purposes? I know they can bring a little more fun in the bedroom.

2006-07-13 04:49:58 · 5 answers · asked by TheLight 5

2006-07-13 04:46:48 · 3 answers · asked by brwntkd29 1

2006-07-13 04:44:37 · 10 answers · asked by Bryce B 2

lets see how many of you can do this . It's simple. just make up a word. you can make up a meaning if you like


ok.... ill start with ~ GURTED ~ ' a fart the smells like yogurt "

2006-07-13 04:40:56 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-13 04:40:12 · 4 answers · asked by ncman372000 2

2006-07-13 04:32:50 · 12 answers · asked by bored at work too 1

uhhh........i dont know who shouldve won.....who do you think?

2006-07-13 04:31:57 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

Your boss wants to know???

2006-07-13 04:28:19 · 19 answers · asked by bone_daddys_waitress 2

Do you love Lost the show??

2006-07-13 04:27:17 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

Do you love Lost the show??

2006-07-13 04:26:52 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Is there something wrong with trying to put a smile on someone's face? Apparently so.

2006-07-13 04:22:01 · 12 answers · asked by jagerchick80 4

2006-07-13 04:11:19 · 20 answers · asked by Alie 3

2006-07-13 04:07:47 · 1 answers · asked by J C 2

borrrriiiinnnggg

2006-07-13 04:06:36 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-13 03:59:53 · 9 answers · asked by Alie 3

Singing

2006-07-13 03:56:25 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

As many as you can. The most can have 10pts.
Please
put
them
under
each
other
like
this.

2006-07-13 03:45:43 · 34 answers · asked by Lizard 3

2006-07-13 03:45:11 · 14 answers · asked by beccaboo 1

...on the other end???

2006-07-13 03:44:08 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

a guest arrive in your home and you are on the phone, it is ok for you to continue with your phone call while the guest is still present

2006-07-13 03:41:16 · 11 answers · asked by jenniene b 1

2006-07-13 03:41:15 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-13 03:38:14 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-13 03:36:10 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous