Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the
words back...
or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....
FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a ********?" I
turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say
a word... he knew better.
SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I
was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for
several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who
works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked
at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy
behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just
looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy
grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has
never let me forget.
FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amuck. I was finally able to grab hold of her
after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told
her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To
my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
"If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you
kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this
enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I
mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my
daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were
screams of laughter.
FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on
him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between
errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco,
I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old
daughter, she was clean. The realized that Danny had not asked to go potty
in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept
thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any
clothes with me." Then I said, Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an
accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,
because the smell was getting worse. ! Soooooo, I asked one more time,
"Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his
pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly
pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh
they'd ever had!
LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before
she speaks. What happens when you predict snow, but don't get any! We had
a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and
didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only
did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing
so hard!
2006-08-31
14:37:32
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7 answers
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asked by
AmandaB
3
in
Jokes & Riddles