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Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, "You know, sometimes I just forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.
A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn't really care.
They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body, how'd you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous toning?"
Clear as a bell my body said, "Listen witch... do it and die."
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.
I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are: eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.
Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
I gave up jogging for my health -- my thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.
Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes!
If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?
2006-08-08 20:04:36 · 12 answers · asked by Dew Drop 3 in Jokes & Riddles
2006-08-08 20:03:51 · 15 answers · asked by Nicki Lee 6 in Other - Entertainment
2006-08-08 20:03:18 · 8 answers · asked by justin o 2 in Jokes & Riddles
A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.
A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
AN AMERICAN REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
AN AMERICAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.
A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. They are mad. They die. Pass the shepherd's pie, please.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship both of them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported on them.
AN ISRAELI CORPORATION: There are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?
AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION: You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.
2006-08-08 20:01:14 · 7 answers · asked by Dew Drop 3 in Jokes & Riddles
2006-08-08 20:00:05 · 4 answers · asked by kruella 2 in Music
I don't watch TV often. But I do try to save my Friday nights aside to watch Monk and Psyche. I know the crimes are a little cheesy, but I enjoy the comedy of both shows. (I also have become addicted to The 4400). So have you seen these shows? Like 'em? Dislike 'em?
2006-08-08 20:00:03 · 16 answers · asked by scruffycat 7 in Television
2006-08-08 19:59:26 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys
A.F.I. A FIRE INSIDE...A BAND
2006-08-08 19:58:48 · 5 answers · asked by thecure_2_late 1 in Music
in my opinion, both are good.
2006-08-08 19:58:46 · 19 answers · asked by sreej 2 in Movies
Did she paid MTV to play her song over and over again
2006-08-08 19:58:02 · 42 answers · asked by Anonymous in Celebrities
2006-08-08 19:57:39 · 36 answers · asked by angelic 2 in Jokes & Riddles
No comments pls - juz the answer or they'll all cheat.
Best answer judged on neatness...
One more question to come - and that's it ... PROMISE !
2006-08-08 19:56:47 · 17 answers · asked by ozpianoman 1 in Jokes & Riddles
I know a few word"take me down to the paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty"
2006-08-08 19:56:12 · 5 answers · asked by mekeiferp3 1 in Music
+ tell me why
2006-08-08 19:55:50 · 19 answers · asked by 28love 2 in Polls & Surveys
The group came out late 70's early 80's. Again the chours of the song goes "Rind Ding Dong; ringada ding ding dong. Please someone help me figure this out, it's driving me crazy!
2006-08-08 19:55:26 · 3 answers · asked by pookie 1 in Music
I think that they decided to make a film about 9/11 too early. Many still havent healed from the day. I kind of have doubts that it would make it big since probably many are going to stay away.
What do you think? Will You watch it when it comes out?
2006-08-08 19:55:23 · 10 answers · asked by cady 2 in Movies
2006-08-08 19:54:21 · 15 answers · asked by angelic 2 in Movies
It was a show about a mom, dad, son, and daughter. The mom found out she was pregnant and then the 16 year old daughter found out she was pregnant too. then the mom got in a car accident and lost the baby and the daughter couldnt decide wether or not to have an abortion
2006-08-08 19:54:19 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Television
witch one gets to the ground first
2006-08-08 19:53:27 · 14 answers · asked by justin o 2 in Jokes & Riddles
What is every living thing all around the world doing at the same time? I'll give points to whoever figures it out first.
2006-08-08 19:50:18 · 13 answers · asked by mkimba22 1 in Jokes & Riddles
2006-08-08 19:50:03 · 13 answers · asked by LondonLou 3 in Celebrities
2006-08-08 19:50:01 · 50 answers · asked by Anonymous in Celebrities
Why?
2006-08-08 19:48:22 · 17 answers · asked by ? 5 in Celebrities
2006-08-08 19:47:59 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys
2006-08-08 19:47:56 · 17 answers · asked by 28love 2 in Other - Entertainment
2006-08-08 19:46:26 · 4 answers · asked by Raymond Hector A 1 in Music
2006-08-08 19:46:13 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys
Why did God give her so much? When she sings I turn up the radio!
2006-08-08 19:44:48 · 19 answers · asked by Fox Mulder 1 in Celebrities
What's up with that? You tell me!
2006-08-08 19:43:25 · 4 answers · asked by pickle head 6 in Polls & Surveys
My freind knows a site that has heaps of anime movies on it for free download, but he wont tell me, does anyone know?
2006-08-08 19:43:17 · 5 answers · asked by craig_ponce 1 in Movies
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