Should I do anything about this?

Question

My 17 year old son is a very emotional young man. He is very close to me and his dad and he's also very close to his grandma(my mom). What worries me is that he's the type of kid who is a little insecure and constantly needs emotional support and reassurance(which my mom can give him 24/7). Now I'm always there for him but he has this really strong bond with his grandma to the point where he feels the need to tell her everything. He calls her everyday and talks to her for hours. She loves him to death and is willing to listen especially because she's always home.My mom is 74 yrs old and ok as far as health but at this age their's always a possibilty of something suddenly going wrong and possibly losing her. I think if anything ever happens to her my son would be destroyed and I just don't know how I would handle it. I'm not jumping to any conclusions but just being realistic. BTW we do live a couple fo hours away from each other. Any advice pleaseeee.

tjnstlou: I'm sorry, I meant how would HE handle it? Would he be curshed?
He's definetly an intellectual and is not gay. He's worked before but he's now focusing on SAT's and college applications.
Although he doesn't date, he's had a couple of crushes. My son lacks social skills so he has a few friends and non are real close.(we've recently moved). I wish I knew why he's so insecure.
Yes I defineltly think my mom is being selfish and talking to her was useless.

Painfully shy.

Answer 1

I'm not sure what you are asking. Are you asking how to handle it if your mother suddenly dies? Or are you asking how can you handle your son if your mother suddenly dies? As far as yourself goes, I guess you will handle it like everyone else does when they lose their mother, you will cry and feel sad and then you will go on with your life and always remember her.

Frankly, I'm worried about how well you have prepared your almost 18yr old son for adulthood. He's going to be going on to college in a year or less and you are concerned with alot of "what ifs". You shouldn't think your son will be "destroyed" by the loss of his grandmother. That is unnaturally making him dependent on a woman who's years may be numbered. Not to mention a 17yr old should be dating, have a girlfriend or boyfriend and be spending his time figuring out what it means to be a man. Scouts, sports, part time jobs and friends should be his world as those things will prepare him for life on his own. You don't mention counseling. What is it that has made your son insecure, and needing constant emotional support? If I was his mom, I would want to find out and actually help him, not make him more dependent. I'm glad he's close to his dad, but I'm finding it hard to believe that he's encouraging this.

Not all boys have to be jocks, and your son may be artistic or an intellectual or a geek. All those things are fine, and it doesn't matter if he is gay or straight. What does matter is that his life is filled up with avoidence of the world he is going to have to live in, and he's not going to know how.

I think its wonderful that your mother is so close to him, but surely if she loves him so much, she must see that this isn't good for him. Sounds like a whole lot of selfishness going on and its your son that is going to eventually pay.

Whatever you do is your business, but you aren't going to be around forever, and then what does he do?

Answer 2

It is great that your son has a close relationship to you, his father, and your mother. Your concerns are very valid and I agree that your son would probably be very distraught if anything happened to his grandmother. I don't think you need to try and stop or control your sons contact with her, instead just let him make the best of their relationship while she is able to and is vital and there for him. Continue to make a conscious effort yourself to be there for him as much as possible so he knows that if anything happens to her you and his father will continue to be close and supportive for him. At 17 your son is at an age where his life is going to change a lot over the next decade, he may make many new lasting connections to people, form a serious relationship, or just mature and change in his own current relationships with the people he's close to. Just go with the flow and be there for him, the key is just to give support--any major loss/illness/issue that comes up with an older loved one is tough, and it will certainly take some time, but he'll get through it as long as he knows he's not alone.

Answer 3

Isn't it wonderful that your son has someone that he trusts enough to pour out his heart? We all are not given a time frame to enjoy our friends and loved ones. That is called life. The joy of life is to live it at its fullest and to reap every ounce of love from our loved ones that we can get. Sounds like your son is doing his best. Yes the time comes suddenly when that is no longer possible but he lived each day and Grandma gave each day her best. What more can we expect?

Answer 4

What a wonderful thing that your son has such a close bond with your mom. My opinion on this is that life is so so unpredictable. None of us knows what tomorrow will bring. I say don't sweat it. If, god forbid, something tragic should happen to your mom tomorrow you're son will know he had someone(besides his parents of course) who loved him and cared for him very much. It is a sad fact that all of us will have to deal with grief and loss in our lifetime.

Answer 5

Your 17 year old son is emotionally immature and you and your family have fostered this. This will hurt your son greatly.

He is 17 and should have been pulling apart from his family and asserting his independence.

He needs to be encouraged to spend more time with his friends than his family. He may need therapy to catch up on his social skills.

Answer 6

He will have feelings for her no matter what. At least by talking to her, if she passes away, he can say he had a good relationship with her.

Personally I wouldn't be able to do what he does but I know some people that are like that.