Single moms, do you think you spread yourself too thin? Dead beat dads not helping and the kids rely on you?

Question

My kids ranging from age 21-15 always call mom because they need something. I support my household alone and live pay check to pay check with every day struggles to make ends meet. Then one of my kids call and tell me they need minutes for their phone, gas for their car, extra lunch money. And, with the holidays I am strapped. I feel as if I am at a losing battle here. I would love to hear from the single parents who with me here... and how do you get by or deal with issues like this. At times I feel better off dead than dealing with these issues. My kids are drop outs, smoke pot, drink... and I did my very best raising them. They were spanked, grounded etc. I just don't understand. I just don't get it. What is wrong? Really

ryan's mom i love your answer! great advice. i am telling those sorry no good blank blanks

ty for your answers... I did however add single parents because I had realized I had left out the single dads. Also, I was married to my kids dad so keeping my legs closed was out of the question. Next time you read a question and decide to answer, read it again or read it all. Don't just assume because when you assume you make an ***.out.of.you.and.me. b.tch

Answer 1

I am a single mom of 2 girls (7 and 3). I understand that you love your children and you really don't want them to struggle but what you need to do is show them some tough love. They will continue to ask for help and they need to know how to take care of what they need by themselves. If they are old enough tell them to get a job. At 16 I was working 2 jobs. My mom was also a single mom and if I wanted something I would have get it myself.

Answer 2

Wow. Well I am a single mom and am having a totally different experience than you. I have a 7 year old and a 4 month old. My 7 year old is excellent in school and a grade ahead. She is respectful (abit of a diva, but generally respectful) and has an excellent work ethic. I am currently going to school because I also have no child support. In 4 years I will have LOTS of money, but on student loan, I have enough to live on and we are not in want. My kids never see their dad, and so they do not have broken hearts from inconcsistency and broken promises. They have a stable life. I have no family support, and so I do feel spread thin alot these days. But I know that once my son starts crawling and walking, I will have more time to accomplish things... at 4 months of course I feel spread thin. my daughter and I play and sing and do chores together and play with the dog and baby. We try to eat healthy and exercise and do yoga. I dont' spank though (I was spanked and I can't imagine hurting my child on purpose or even humiliating them taht way even if it doesnt' hurt). Not all single mom's have your experience, but all I can say is to just to keep going on. Things will get better. Yours are almost leaving home. So just keep trucking on and soon you will have some 'me time'. Maybe you need some family counselling? (I did some counselling and it is great for a single mom to have someone to talk to)

Answer 3

I dont think you did anything wrong at all. it sounds like you gave your kids the best that you could. I'm in a similar situation. I'm working fulltime while trying to successfully raise a 6 yr old on my own. My daughters fathers never been around and has never paid a cent in child support. I know what its like to live pay check to pay check and even then its never enough. I was also brought up by a single mother who studied and worked all our childhood. But as typical teenagers do my sisters and I all rebelled. Drinking, smoking pot and been little sh!ts really. But now we are all adults, all have successful careers and have an awesome relationship with our mum.

Hopefully your kids will also realise what a hardworking caring mum they really have.

Answer 4

Wait a minute! There are dead beat moms out there too. I am a single dad with an 11 and a 6 year old. Their mother has not seen them in 3 months, nor does she pay her child support. In fact, after she decided to leave, she made a loan for $5,000 and did not repay it leaving my paycheck to be garnished for 25% of my pay. I barely make ends meet from paycheck to the next. Also, my kids are involved in sports, great in school. I get involved with them by helping out with homework, PTA, giving 1 hour a week to their schools volunteering where needed, coaching their teams or helping where needed for their team. Getting the kids and myself volunteering in our community. I keep involved with them.

You do not have to be responsible for your kids that are over 18. Sometimes, You have to use TOUGH LOVE.

Answer 5

Single Mom ... you've done yourself proud and I, as the father of a single mom, know the struggle you go through. I think your older children - those out of high school - need to realize it's time for them to assume responsibilities to ease the load you've been carrying as you have helped them grow and develop. Sure you can help them in a real pinch, but you have to ask them if they will be able to help you should you ever get to the point that you're in a bind. Let them know there are things you want to do as you get out from under the yoke of being the parent. It doesn't mean you love them any less and they shouldn't fault you for asking for a little independence. Sit them down and tell them you want a vacation - your own vacation - on your own without them tagging along. They might be startled, shocked, and even upset to think you're going to go something without them. It's time to loosen up the apron strings, but let them know that they are still a very important part of your life. It will help them grow up too.

Answer 6

They keep calling you because you are their own personal bank. Tough Love. Cut the adults off. Only the minors should be getting support from you. If they drop out of school, they need to get a job and pay rent if they still live at home. They don't work you need to kick them out! Be strong. You did your job and it is time for them to stand on their own two feet. Tell them to straighten up because the bank is closed!

Answer 7

I, too, am a single mom and I definitely understand where you are coming from. I am currently having problems with my 13-yr old son talking back to me and having a total lack of respect. I can assure you that I didn't raise him to be like this. I know what you mean about living from paycheck to paycheck. It sounds as if you did all you could and I agree with one of the other users, that it is time to cut the cord with the adult children. You have raised them and now they need to take care of themselves. Children have to learn that they can't live off their parents forever.

Answer 8

I am not a single mom; I am married with a blended family, and that is hard in other ways! I have an ex that is not paying child support for my son and that causes constant conflict with my husband now (who does pay child support for his 2 kids to his ex). I am in an ongoing fight with my ex because he owes me over $20,000. My husband and I have a child, so we are supporting 4 kids. So just because I am not single the stress does not end!

Answer 9

you have performed your childs dad and mom her entire existence. you're continually there and, such as you reported, spend better than adequate high quality time together with her. there is not subject with you introducing a guy it quite is of great magnitude to you to her. each little thing has a real time and place to ensue. i don't think of he could introduce a female chum the 1st time he gets to be sure his daughter, interior the quantity of time that this is been. i think he's wanting to contintue his relationship along with his infant, so he will have time later for them to fulfill. i might recommend which you communicate with him and request that he plan on spending in basic terms father and daughter time on my own. tell him that she misses her dad and can't wait to be sure HIM. yet once you daughter did not innovations doing so, i might have her call communicate with him. tell him how plenty she is looking forward to in basic terms the two one among them haning out. That it potential plenty to her that this is in basic terms the two one among them.

Answer 10

Cut them off!