Ok, so I lost my virginity when I was 17 (and yes I made the promise to stay pure but I broke it) and ever since then I have been quite sexually active, yet always feeling guilty for it, but i think "ive already broken my vow, what does it matter now?" Me and my current bf have had sex already, and I love him to death. But I know that even though i lost my virginity, continuing to have sex is still living in sin. I told my bf that we should stop having sex because it isnt right, (hes a christian too), yet he says its pointless cuz ive already had sex. He keeps pressuring me, and every time i tell him no he gets very angry. I tell him sex shouldnt have to be a part of our relationship, and i just get very upset. Please help what should i do?
2007-11-11 00:05:16 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
I can choose a best answer cuz there are so many great ones. im sorry guys.
2007-11-13 02:08:46 · update #1
and thank you for all your advice and help, it was much appreciated!
2007-11-13 02:09:10 · update #2
The purpose of virginity is not to be "pure," but to offer it to your husband as a gift on your wedding night...a gift that will make him respect you.
You gave your virginity up and have had sex with multiple partners. Now, you are in a situation where if you do not have sex with a bf, he will resent you. Instead of respect you have brougt resentment upon yourself.
The solution is to get married. You are having all this trouble because you are a single woman who is sexually active.
You must find a husband and rid yourself of this problem.
2007-11-11 00:11:57 · answer #1 · answered by Digital Age 6 · 1⤊ 3⤋
It is the driving force of all men to "have sex." It goes deeper than a physical act, though. Men are not very verbal and they do long for intimacy. Because men have a very hard time at verbalizing these needs and desires we find it easier to "communicate" through sex. This is how men gain intimacy. I know you (woman) would rather get this through a verbal avenue it has to work both ways to get it right.
This is the reason God makes fornication (sex outside of marriage) a sin. You are both trying to get to this "one-flesh" place the wrong way. This is why there is such emotion involved with this sex/sinning thing. Not only are you opening yourself up to all the dangers of STD's and such you are allowing yourself (and your bf) to be used for another's unrighteous behavior. This is the ultimate gift that you can give to your husband. You've already given it away.
You cannot ever go back. You cannot regain your virginity, but you can regain your purity. It's not easy (for both of you) and I would recommend you find this path through your local church. Abstaining right now is the best thing you will ever do. Do you think that marriage is based on sex? Wrong! Abstinance shows your future mate that you are trustworthy, confidant, caring and righteous. What do you want form your mate?
2007-11-11 08:34:45 · answer #2 · answered by craig b 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fornication -voluntary sexual intercourse between two unmarried persons or two persons not married to each other.
Read this:
http://www.bible.com/bibleanswers_result.php?id=256
Do a study on the word fornication in the Bible...(it's never good) if your bf cares at all about you he will understand...otherwise....move on.
With that being said; God loves you, he wants the best for you.
Reasons to abstain:
Obeying God above all others
Trusting in God to put a man in your life that respects you and your needs
This is a gift you give your husband
How many women are asked by the man who wants to marry them, how many men have you slept with, only to be embarrassed and ashamed…you may have to answer this question some day, can you imagine how you would feel…for some it will be a very bad experience, for others it will be a victorious moment, don’t give into every man who uses the L word…they say love, but they think lust more often.
Think of the STD alone.
You feel guilty because you know it’s wrong and it’s not good for you…God’s telling you something.
You have total control on this subject…your body…your decision…you have to set the bar, not the man.
I know it’s difficult…but set you heart to the Lord and let him strengthen you.
Love - a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
Lust - intense sexual desire or appetite.
God loves you, he wants the best for you.
2007-11-11 08:15:41 · answer #3 · answered by ' 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First off, he's wrong. It's never "pointless" to stop sinning.
Ok, that's out of the way...
You stated that you always feel guilty after sex. If that's the case, then you should, by all means, stop having sex. You may have to change several things about your life for that to work, but with help (God's and man's) you should be able to. Stick to your guns and make him wait. If he really loves you, he will respect your wishes. If not, then you may have to break up with him.
One last point. (And this is a bit extreme...)
Once you say "no" he legally has to stop. If he doesn't, then that is rape. Make sure he understands that. (BTW, the reverse is true also.)
Good luck and God be with you.
2007-11-11 08:14:59 · answer #4 · answered by King James 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You should break off with your so called "Christian" b/f and determine that from now on you are going to remain sexually pure until you get married. It's never too late for a Christian to turn from sin and do God's will for their life.
Your b/f sounds like someone who is a Christian in name only. Just because someone goes to church and says that they are a Christian doesn't make them a true Christian. A true Christian desires to live a life that is pleasing to God and they cannot continue on in sin because the Spirit of God won't allow them to.
Romans 8:9 You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him.
1 John 3:9 No one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for God's seed abides in him, and he cannot keep on sinning because he has been born of God. 10 By this it is evident who are the children of God, and who are the children of the devil: whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is the one who does not love his brother.
Your b/f is on very dangerous ground because Jesus said...
Luke 17:1 And he said to his disciples, "Temptations to sin are sure to come, but woe to the one through whom they come! 2 It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck and he were cast into the sea than that he should cause one of these little ones to sin.
You say that you "love him to death" but it doesn't sound like he loves you. It sounds like he is interested in satisfying his sexual desires at your expense and that he doesn't care if you live a life that pleases God or not.
Sex is part of the benefits package of marriage. Here's a simple test for you. Tell your b/f that if he loves you and wants to have sex with you then he can demonstrate it by asking you to marry him and waiting until the wedding night to have sex with you again. Be prepared for a hurtful shock when you tell this to him because if he is honest you may find out a startling truth. On the other hand, he might agree and then after a while start pushing you to have sex with him. There's an old saying that doesn't come from the Bible but it has proven true enough over the years.
"Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"
2007-11-11 08:13:48 · answer #5 · answered by Martin S 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You can be a Christian and have these sexual desires. God has not made you emotionless. Do you realize how much God loves you though? Do you realize how much worth you have in His sight. God gave us guidelines for sexuality because He loves us so much. His best plan for sexuality is this: one man + one woman for a lifetime. This plan gives emotional pleasure through a trusting, faithful relationship as well as physical well-being. Sexually transmitted infections can cause physical pain leading to death. Your boyfriends are actually "loving" you to death.
If your relationship with your bf is based on sex, it won't last for a lifetime. How can you think he has any respect for you? Does your bf love you? Does he think your worth anything outside of a sexual relationship?
Get back into having a passionate love for God. That will giveyou a proper perspective of how to really love others.
2007-11-11 08:18:45 · answer #6 · answered by bwlobo 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
girl, don't you dare marry this guy! Marriage is for two people who love and RESPECT each other. He doesnt respect you, at least not from what you've written. If he won't go along with the "no sex policy", then you guys weren't meant to be together. Find someone new, and start over with him. If you follow the advice folks are giving here about marrying him, you will end up being one of those divorce statistics.
2007-11-11 08:17:23 · answer #7 · answered by xmocannax 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you won't continue to have sex with him unless you get married. I doubt if he would like that. He's pressuring you into sex not because he loves you, he would marry you if he did, not because he respects you, he would respect your feelings and wishes when you said no. Bottom line, he's using you for sex and sex alone, he'll tell you anything you want to hear as long as you give him what he wants. So many girls have been engaged and never married because they were promised marriage as long as they agreed to have sex. They agreed but the promise was never fulfilled.
2007-11-11 08:28:30 · answer #8 · answered by purplepeace59 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop having sex until you are married. God will forgive you for what you have done in the past, and so you will have nothing to feel guilty about. If your BF is pressuring you to have sex, you may need to find another BF, because apparently he does not love you, for how you are.
2007-11-11 08:17:11 · answer #9 · answered by Messenger 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, you're the one who is right on this issue...
I had a similar experience.
He used to tell me "why do you always reject me?"
I just prayed about it, and what really happened is he needed to be very far away from me from for his job...the way it happened was almost weird...and I decided to let him go...I cannot say you should do the same because it was so painful, but at least you better not have sex with anyone until you get married.
2007-11-11 08:14:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋