should i eat fish even if my boyfriend is against it?

Question

ok, i have a small problem. i live with my boyfriend and we are both strict vegetarians (not vegan) of 7+ year. i've recently decided i'd like to try eating fish. my body feels like i need to eat something with rich protein. last time i mentioned this he gave me the "gross" look. i know he doesn't want me to eat fish. i was thinking of eating it and hiding it from him, but this doesn't sound like a good idea for our relationship.

anyone have suggestions? should i tell him i'm going to eat it and only eat it when he's not around? i would really like to cook it at home, but is that disrespectful?

I'm not sure what kind of answers i'm trying to get. maybe just another opinion than my own.

a lot of people seem to think my boyfriend is controlling, he's not at all!! we've both been strict vegetarians for over 7 years and i recently decided i wanted to try fish. so i'm sure most of you can understand he was in a bit of shock!!

Answer 1

easy. you're your own person. have a discussion with him. let him know you're planning on TRYING OUT eating fish. This way you can easily change your mind if you find it's not right for you.

i agree that it would be disrespectful to cook fish in a home you share. Using a grill outside will be a nice compromise. Also, only order it when you're with other people if he's uncomfortable with it.

I'm sure you will work it out. It's only food!!

Answer 2

You're right. Hiding it from him is not a good idea for your relationship. While it is your life and ultimately you who makes your decisions, you are living with him and sharing the same cooking and eating utensils so some "rules" might have to be "reinforced".

I could imagine if my husband were to tell me he was going to start eating fish again. I, too, would probably give him a *gross* look... and in all honesty, I would probably do everything in my power to convince him not to eat fish for the obvious animal, health, and environmental purposes. But if he is really set on it, then I would have to accept it and respect his decision. Support, compromise, and understanding are all crucial for a successful relationship.

Work out a cooking schedule with your bf. It sounds like a good idea to eat it only when he's not around, and it isn't disrespectful if you want to cook it at home. You live there, too, and have a right to eat whatever you want to eat.

On a side note, you say you feel your body needs some rich protein, perhaps it will feel better after eating some homemade chili with all kinds of protein-rich beans. Or maybe some BLT sandwiches with tempeh fakin' bacon for the B. Or a Philly "cheese steak" made with seitan... just a few suggestions.

Best wishes! :)

Answer 3

The two of you will just have to see if you can make it through that kind of change. Vegetarianism is more than what you eat; it is a belief system, and it's the way that the two of you have lived together for years.

Being with someone for years, and than discovering that they are changing their beliefs and the way they live (even if only one aspect of belief) is a big change. What you believe is part of who you are and part of who your boyfriend decided to be with. As we get older, we select partners by how well we mesh mentally, morally and emotionally.

If you decide to give up vegetarianism so you can eat fish, this will have to be a process the two of you will have to discuss and go through together.

Don't sneak it because regardless of what you sneak, keeping things hidden is a form of dishonesty in a relationship and will break it quicker than anything... especially if you know your partner is against what you are hiding from him. Maybe you can eat like a vegetarian at home and eat fish when you go out for dinner.

My man loves a pasta dish that I don't love, so that dish is like is special food for days I am at work or out with friends. Maybe fish can be a food you make when he is elsewhere.

However, as a strict vegetarian for 7+ years, you do know that whole *I need fish for lots of protein* stuff is bunk. You just want to eat the fishies. So it may be best to be honest in that area because he probably knows it's bunk too.
:)
Good luck in whatever you decide.

Answer 4

Amen to Celtic Tejas. My husband also does a lot of cooking, and it's a really nice thing when they do.

As for the "problem" at hand.... your best bet is to let him know you intend to cook the fish. If you try it and then decide "Yeah... he's right, it's gross" then you've really not hurt anything. Fix him a plate of what ever he likes, and fix your fish. It's not like you're eating a cow or chicken or something. Fish is very healthy for you.

If you find you cannot stomach fish, but still feel like you're missing out on something the fish has for you, try taking fish oil capsules. You'll get some of the same benefits from that, as you would from eating the actual fish. They kind of look like vitamin E capsules, only they're a little bit bigger.

Just remind him, too, that the Omge-3 fatty acids are important for good brain function. That's why fish is called "brain food".

Good luck.

Answer 5

I have several thoughts on this question.
1) I think he needs to allow you the space you need on this subject. You 2 need to talk about this. His wants & needs are not always yours or the other way around either. Respect is a 2 way street. Explain to him just what you said here..You feel your body needs it. Down the road I am sure there will be things he feels he needs that you will not be for 100%. Remember this time.
2) Have you explored other Veggie Proteins? Here's a great article on Veggie Source Proteins by Dr. John McDougal.
http://www.drmcdougall.com/misc/2007nl/apr/dairy.htm
It sounds to me that you are still a believer in THE PROTIEN MYTH..That only flesh can provide you with "rich" proteins.
3) If you still feel it is important to you. Consider eating fish out. Or even when he's not there at home to join you for a meal. Realize it will change the smell of your house. I burn allot of incense at my home getting rid of cooked flesh smell.

I am a Raw Vegan with a more traditional eating spouse. We have been married 35 years & have work through many things with love & respect. Sometimes even a "fuss" or 2. I do make flesh dishes for him sometimes, but usually I'm in charge of the veggie side of things & he grills his meat, fish etc. He also is always looking for great recipes he can make me. Yeah I am luck, there is nothing sexier than a man who cooks well. ;-}

Slainté(to your health)

Answer 6

You do know you won't be vegetarian anymore if you decide to eat fish.

What do you mean "rich protein"? Protein is protein. You can get plenty of protein from soy products, from beans, from seitan, fron quinoa. And if you eat too much protein, you'll be stripping calcium from your bones. As someone else pointed out, there are plenty of analogues that are good sources of protein. May Wah (www.vegieworld.com) even has vegetarian forms of seafood you can try.

You can get omega-3 fatty acids from flax, hemp, and walnuts. And you don't have to worry about mercury that now contaminates many forms of fish.

Fish smells horrible when cooked. It's simply vile, no way around it. You will NOT be able to hide that from your boyfriend,as the stench lingers. It would be incredibly disrespectful to cook that at home, especially since you live with someone who seems to think eating fish is gross.

However, you have to make the best decision for you. I can only give you my opinion.

Answer 7

If you never have cooked fish in the home, then let me tell you, if you don't like fish, you are not going to want to walk through the front door, such as your boyfriend. But, I also agree there is a fine line between discussing, "honey I know you want to try it, but I just don't think I could stand it" and "Your NOT cooking or eating here!"....ya' know?..... That is your home too. But out of common courtesy or fear your not going to try fish at home. That is where only you can decide that. There has to be some form of Compromise, because whether he is your boyfriend or not, you have a right to eat what you want to for crying out loud! He's not your father!!! Your a grown woman for God's sake. Either he'll get over it, or if you just decide not to cook it at home, go out to eat with your mom or girlfriend or coworker and try it at a nice restaurant...You could also cook it outdoors on the grill so not to have the smell in the house.....Take aluminum foil, put the fish in it, if it has skin, skin side down. Little salt, pepper, garlic, slice of lemon, sprinkle it with juice of a piece of lemon, some butter, and seal it up, put it on the grill and in no time (depends on the fish and size) you should have cooked fish (it's done when it Flakes). Go to recipe sites like Foodnetwork.com, Allrecipes.com, Yahoo Food, and look up some good Salmon and other fish recipes for on the grill......Being a vegetarian is all well and good, but 20yrs ago no one ever heard of a vegetarian unless you were a hippie, and we've all stayed alive thus far eating fish and such. So do what you want to!!!

Answer 8

i dont think u should eat fish at all..
thats still meat in a way..
fish is a flesh of an animal..
plus why would you eat a lil innocent fishy?
=]

and i dont think u should hide it from him..think of how he'll be when he finds out..
and its cause you just wanted a more protien rich diet..

theres many other things which are high in protien, which doesnt involve animals.

for example tofu!
i love tofu..when u cook it right

and gluten is good too..
when u cook it right.

do research,
and i hope u and ur boyfriend will have a great relationship together!
=]

GO VEGANS!! =]

Answer 9

Is there a reason why you are a vegetarians?ie for religious purposes? If you are a vegetarian just because and there are no reason then I would suggest go ahead and eat fish, It's good for you and there are nutrition in there ie omega3 that's really good. My hubby do not eat some stuff I cook(I'm asian) he's (caucasian)..I just cook a dish or two that I know he'll eat and what I want to eat and we eat together..He respects me that there are some stuff I would like to eat and he doesn't (even if it gross him out)..

Answer 10

First of all, you are not a "strict vegetarian" if you eat fish. In fact, you are not a vegetarian at all if you eat fish. I do realize many vegetarians who eat fish, claim to be so.... my daughter is one of them. I certainly have no issue with that. If you are concerned about eating foods rich in protein, then make sure you've tested all your options. Do you eat bean dishes, like chili? Kidney beans, black beans, white beans and many more varieties are very rich in protein. Hummus is rich in protein, as well as some veggies, and surprisingly, raspberries. Then there are many "meat"/soy protein products that are protein rich. If your reason is more that you'd really like to add fish to your diet, then that's fine, and should be your choice. I can understand your boyfriend not being happy with that choice. He should be able to adjust, but if not, then you just might have to consider only having it when he isn't there. I would think there could be some sort of compromise though. It's not disrespectful to cook it at home. Talk to him about it some more. Let him know you respect his feelings. You certainly aren't expecting him to eat it. Maybe he'll reconsider your choice. But don't "hide it from him". If you have to have it when he's not around... fine, but let him know you intend to have it if that's your choice. Good Luck!