How can a man control his lust?

Question

You know the feeling; you see just the oddest glimpse of skin, a scanty outfit and suddenly that mindset creeps up on you. Your pulse rate increases and you casually try to resist, when in reality you know you're going to give in. You know all the logic - you're only hurting yourself, it's a waste of time, it's a sin - but that doesn't help. No amount of logic is going to stop you. Truth is, someone could walk in and say "masturbate and you're going to hell, automatically", and you could know he was absolutely correct, and it still wouldn't stop you. You're too weak to resist it.

How can you control it? How is a guy supposed to deal with it? We know it's not right, all the porn and dirty images, yet when you're in that moment it's the hardest thing in the world to get away from. How can you get away from it? How can you resist it?

(this is not a rambling monologue, I'm legitimately asking)

(please, no 'there's nothing wrong with it!' answers - you aren't helpful)

Thanks for all the serious answers... and get a life to the non-serious ones.

I do have to say one thing though - yes, marriage is the best solution (whatever that verse is that says "It is good for a man not to marry, but it's better to marry than to be consumed by lust") - however, marriage is a bit hard to come by. It's not like I can just say 'ok, I'm sick of dealing with this, I'm going to go get married'. So while yes, that's the most effective solution, it isn't exactly the easiest to come by.

Also, "If you know that it is wrong, then you wouldn't do it." is the most ignorant statement I've read all day. Congratulations.

Weak convictions? I'll take convictions that aren't strong enough to single-handedly change my behavior over what you do, which is change your convictions to fit your behavior.

Answer 1

Put your hands and mind to work with a hobby , craft or sport. The problem with young men these days, is that they have too much time to be idle. If you read Proverbs you'll see that idleness is an open door to sin. Another thing. Self control is something that must be practiced in order to strengthen it. The more you use self-control, the easier it gets. Just like body-building at the gym.

Answer 2

My husband and I just read this question and my spouse steadfast says men are wired and like to look at women, Keep your eyes on the lord pray for Gods strength and it is a daily fight lust is in the posters, books magazines TV movie media and radio on the speech it is not like you can close your eyes and not see it and make pretend it is not there in light of what he just said dont despair.

Nightime is a huge tempetation to enterain lust before going to bed for young and old men alike. Fill your self with Gods word there is something wrong this "this sin" that you mentioned you are 100% RIGHT because lust is never ever ever statified it always requires and demands more and more.

I knew someone 20 odd years ago who had the same sins you and many others are going through and he would just contatntly give in he was miserable, nasty frustated and obnoxoius and I know this because I dated him and after 7 months of Im sorrys I dont want want to commit I broke up with him.

Just remember this God wants the best for us and we live in a sex saturated world and it is plain hard to resist but I can honestly tell you as well as my husband overcoming is a process NOT and event Rome was not built in a day and niether is patience and self control. Get counseling if you need the fact that you posted this shows maturity and bravery and that you need to give this over to God daily it is a DAILY fight. Do you have a dad or a brother or someone you can trust so they can help you? The way to resist dirty movies and porn is not to buy it or look at it in the first place or go on the internet looking for these things. Men who do these things have way too much time on thier hands. Find a godly cause to pray for or believe in or serve others. God bless you we wish you Gods help and all the best in your current siituation.

Answer 3

I was addicted to pornography for many years. It is difficult but can be done. Lust is not noticing a beautiful woman, but the excessive thought of that woman. Once you realize you are tempted, turn away and pray for strength. You should also look into the many programs that are designed to support those with this type of problem. These are usually found in any and all Christian denominations. You should also avoid the proximate occasion of sin. This means stay away from the places where the temptation is greatest - beach, clubs, gym, etc - until you are in a place where you know how to control these urges. Also, use a filter on-line that doesn't allow access to porn without you consciously turning it off. Over time it will get easier.

One note: If you believe in the Communion of Saints, ask the Blessed Mother to pray to Jesus to re-enforce your will and help you remain chaste in your current state.

Just saw the one response of thinking of mother, sister, etc. One thing that helps me is my two daughters and wife. I think of how I would feel if I knew someone was thinking that of them and then remember that the woman is someone's daughter or wife. Kind of puts it in perspective.

Answer 4

Why are you beating yourself up about sin, we are all sinners but by blood of Jesus we are forgiven and our sins are remembered no more (Hebrews 10:17). Now anything that you do, does have consequences for your actions. It is perfectly normal to have feelings about the opposite sex but if your stuck on looking at Mag's and pulling the pud all of the time and not doing the will of God, it is almost as if you were to drink to much which would kept you from doing the will of God. There is nothing wrong with having a strong drink but do not become obsessed with drinking. You need to find a woman to release that energy. God knew that our hearts are evil continuously (Genesis 6:5) but don't idolize porn. You can not control the lust of man, we are design this way.

DO THE WILL OF GOD
You need to find a home church, be obedient, follow his word, be baptized with the holy spirit, show your self approved and do the will of God (Mark 16: 15 - 18)

Answer 5

You need to occupy your mind with something else, I know that today in the world of tv, movies music and advertising it is hard to get away without seing something that will affect you, but it can be done it can be controlled if you want to comtroll yourself, as I said if you keep your mind busy on doing good things for others maybe, or on the teachings from God and learn to dislike the things that God dislikes then you will try not to displease God. And then if you are really having trouble keeping away from lust why don't you get married then it will not be a sin.

Answer 6

Speaking from personal experience, use prayer and consciously changing how you think helps too (facing your thoughts & consciously choosing to change how you react during these situations), as a female lust is not always a big problem but I admit I do have desires, and if I see a man I think is attractive, thoughts can creep into my mind that I don't nec. want. I just tell myself that I find him cute but that doesn't mean I have to want to have sex w/ him, & that there's no crime in finding a guy cute, sexy or incredibly attractive.
But my greatest help getting to this point has been prayer.

Answer 7

Probably mostly hormonal young men coming from societies in which there have been reasons made to control themselves with certain women and excuses made not to control themselves with other women. And the taboo against maturbation common in many religions. Men who are taught as boys that masturbation is ok on occasion, that women are people, and that there is never any excuse for rape, womanizing, etc. control themselves just fine. I've known more self controlled men than not, so it is simply a myth that males can't control themselves and they need to reeducate themselves on the matter.

Answer 8

What you resist, persists. Everything can be done in moderation. What you are feeling is natural. Instead of controlling your urges because you feel guitly doing it, meet your "demons" in the eye and tell yourself that it is alright to feel the urges. Tell yourself that in the proper time and place, you will find relief.

I will have to tell you that there is nothing wrong with mastrubation. You just don't want to hear that because you already think it is a sin to begin with. You are the only one making this hard on you ( no pun intended ).

If you really want to control your lust, then think of things that turn you off. Bring a pciture with you that reminds you of something the least sexual. Look at sexually transmitted diseases in pictures with all the puss and open wounds in color.

I hope that helped.

Answer 9

in short... willpower.

I suggest practicing controlling other impulses that are less... uhh, subtle. like hunger.

maybe try say, fasting for a day. or something like that. not in an eating disorder way, but rather in an impulse control sort of way.

it is not evil to have a reasonable degree of sexual impulse, its only a problem if it gets to the point of obsession that you cannot act socially decent and such.

belive it or not, wits possible to find true love, and your impulses be directed about that person... and when that is what you feel... well, things like girls gone wild commercials are just revolting, not hot. (well, actually I think even as the straight guy I am, I've always found them to be somewhat revolting, just with a hint of hot to them despite it... but being in love... that hot part is just ... meh.

anyway, the bottom line, its all about willpower and self control.
yes, you can learn to control it. not just by supressing it, or anything like that, but simply having cotnrol of your impulses through willpower.

Answer 10

I am a woman, but I have had to address this issue a couple of times lately with different couples that this has plagued. I can not tell you how to prevent it, but I have several resources to point you to. www.xxxchurch.org (It is a legit website, I promise), but it offers suggestions and help in avoiding it. I would like to suggest what I use for temptation in general. "If it causes you to sin, get rid of it". If it is late night television, do not thumb through the channels, watch a movie instead. Pay attention to reviews on shows and movies. www.pluggedinonline.com This is a great website for previewing what you watch. You know what bait attracts you, so stay clear of it until you can get a handle on it. Also, www.everysmansbattle.com This is a great website and there is also a book with this same title in your bookstore. Finally, there is a $5 dvd put out by Todd Friel called "Slaying the Dragon" and I have heard that that is helpful as well. Remember what Jesus himself taught us to pray,..."lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil" I will keep you in my prayers. May God bless you!