What should a veterinarian (vegan) do when invited for dinner? Would bringing your own meal seem rude?

Question

I meant vegetarian, pardon my spelling skills.

Answer 1

No, because although most people will have heard of vegetarians most of them will not have a clue what vegan really means so don't make it an issue just say ." I have special dietary requirements so would it be ok if I made my own food? I'd just feel awful if you had to go to the trouble of finding all sorts of ingredients to just make me a meal, but I'd love to spend time with you and your company. " most people wouldn't mind at all!!!

Answer 2

My own take is that i don't believe in burdening other people with what are essentially, my own personal choices.

I think a big part of this answer depends on "who" is doing the inviting? Surely there is a big difference in my comfort level if say, family was inviting me - as opposed to a friend, or a social gathering, etc.

If it was an intimate gathering of people i knew well - i would have no qualms about bringing my own food - if needbe, because i would know that no one would mind - as they all already know me. If the crowd were, for the most part, strangers - I would never even think to bring my own food. I would simply eat whatever was offered - that was appropriate, and politely decline anything not in line what that which i'm not comfortable to eat.

Answer 3

The difference of opinion of answers to come before me lies mostly on moral issues, which is what the question is about (rudeness), however I see the roots of this question going much deeper.

I digress for a moment to say that I agree with other answerers that the host should be informed ahead of time that you are veg*n, and what it means if they don't already know, out of respect for the effort they are volunteering toward the event. Offer to assist in making the event a success by supplying some food, and synchonise your choice of dish with the set menu so there are no double ups or similar dishes (which could be depressing to the cook of left over dish). Suggest that other guests could assist in other ways: drinks, entertainment, transport (carpooling), etc, and maybe even set an itinerary.

getting back to the point ...

In the words of Neale Walsch, we have a duty to decide "what works and what does not work depending on what we want to be, do or have." Scientifically speaking, we know as a matter of certainty that being veg*n is beneficial to the environment because the consumer leave a smaller footprint.

Your choice to bring your own meal or not has implications that go far beyond social and, as one answerer mentioned, economic consequences, some that work and some that dont.

By choosing to bring your own meal to a dinner, you may be inadvertently announcing that you think what the host has provided is unsatisfactory, which they may consider to be insulting. They may also be thinking about the size of their wallet, given that the left overs will sustain the household for longer if your portion remains in their possesion. I believe both of these are relatively insignificant compared to the following.

The first thing people often ask when they see you limiting your intake of specific foods, is why. If your choice of words at this critical moment reflects respect and compassion as the reason for your choice, you will often receive respect and cmpassion from those listening. This will override any feelings of insult they may have impulsively reacted with when they first saw you with a dish in hand.

If, however, you choose to portray yourself as selfish (like vegans who are only vegan for personal health reasons, which is still a valid argument), or for reasons related to the emotion of fear (if we all don't become vegan the Earth itself will implode), then people will shy away from you, be insulted more easily by you, etc, etc.

Lastly, If you turn up with your own dish, people instictively think "this person is willing to walk the walk, not just talk the talk. They stand up for their principles, and that takes a lot of courage." people often admire that trait, and can be inspired to change in the same direction you have, if you play your cards right. I've been to dinners before, where omnivours chose not to eat meat in my presence, and I've been asked many times what I think would help them change.

Sometimes there are more important things at stake than choosing what is socially appropriate and/or acceptable.

Answer 4

Heck-fire! I don't bring my own meal...I bring enough for EVERYONE!!!!! And yes, I do inform the host that I'm a "strict vegetarian" (I won't describe myself as vegan) and I inform them that I'd love to come but that they should concentrate their efforts on their meat based entree. That I'm more than happy, as a vegetarian, to bring them sides made by someone that really understand what to do with those poor neglected vegetables. Then I show up with chocolate tofu cream pie and a fake meat entree along with the sides. My mother-in-law *hated* me because the rest of the family liked my food better than hers. My seitan & tofu turkey would disappear whilst her burnt bird (not really burned-well cooked but I picked the line up somewhere) didn't get finished and she was always had left-overs.

You don't have to 'go for the throat' like I'm wont to do. But let 'em know you're bringing some food and bring enough for all! Just make sure it's good!

Edit:

I should add (based on emails I'm getting) that I get asked to friends dinner parties frequently and yes, they're free to tell me not to bring food but it's been a very long time since that happened, most ask what I'll bring! And no, I am not a caterer (or do I desire to be one). My mother-in-law didn't hate me just for my cooking, it was 'bad enough' that I married her daughter but the fact that my veggie cooking won out over hers was just one more reason to despise me.

Answer 5

I just make it plain and clear that I’m vegan, and if they don’t know what to cook for me, I offer to make some suggestions, help out in the kitchen, or bring something just in case. Some of my friends thought it inconvenient at first but that didn’t last long.

For example, I had lots of Japanese friends in college. As we all know, Japanese food is mostly vegan anyway, but from their point of view, “how can we make a meal without animal products” They were under the false impression that their diet was filled with animal products, but I pointed out that most of the dishes they were making were already without, and the rest were modernized from the traditional form.

Seaweed soup stock has become fish stock, okonomiyaki now uses egg instead of mountain yam, tempura batter has now become egg-batter, croquettes have become ham croquettes with egg batter… I just showed them some new (old) recipes and how to make tempura and croquettes without egg, how to use traditional yamaimo instead of egg, and so forth. Simply saying something like, “well, just don’t put the ham in some of the croquettes and I’ll eat those, and you guys can eat the rest” or “if it’s not too much, could you keep the fish separate from the vegetables” etc. was responded to like, “oh, yeah, that’s easy enough.”

Ha ha, I, since I’m familiar with traditional Japanese foods, I remember my first time at an okonomiyaki restaurant in Japan. I had read about okonomiyaki and basically it’s a medley of vegetables mixed with a really starchy yam that has been whipped up and fried like a pancake or omelette. At the restaurant, they were using egg to bind it all together, but I’d never heard of that, so I asked, “can I have one without egg please.” The waiter said, “Huh, you can’t make okonomiyaki without egg, it’s the main ingredient.” People are quickly forgetting their traditions, even in Japan.

Oh, here’s another way to look at it. Before I became vegan or even started thinking of food at all, we had some Japanese exchange students at our home. Basically they wouldn’t eat anything we made. They’d eat a little out of politeness, but typical Canadian family meals must have been so sickening to them, but we were bewildered; we couldn’t figure out why they would eat. I can imagine teleporting myself back in time and sitting down the same meal. Then they decided to make us a meal (probably starving for some good food). They made fish, tofu, miso soup, etc. I literally could not swallow the tofu, and the miso soup (it was the instant kind – that’s all they could find) made me gag, and I’ve never liked seafood, so wouldn’t even taste their fish. They must have been bewildered. OK, that was long... the end.

Answer 6

Just eat whatever vegetarian options exist! You'll seem hard to please if you call and tell them, especially if you bring your own meal! I'm a vegetarian, and I have never not found something to eat at a dinner. There's always some vegetable, potatoes, green beans, etc. Even at a cookout, get a bun, put slaw on it, and you've got a slaw dog (I like ketchup on mine also...)!

Answer 7

I advise eating before you arrive there and hope that there will be some selection of vegetarian dishes.


Josh - you are mistaken. Vegetarians don't eat meat (poultry, fish, beef, pork or any of their by-products). Vegans are stricter vegetarians that don't eat meat or anything from animal sources (milk, eggs or honey).

Answer 8

First tell them that you are a vegetarian, or a vegan, then if they are OK w/ that let them feed you. If they are uncomfortable, then suggest that you bring your main course, and most side dishes are at least meat free.

Answer 9

My brother is a vegan and he brings his own stuff all the time, so I think people would probably understand. [Unfortunately, he's so fanatical that he won't sit at the dinner table with the rest of us when we're eating.]

Answer 10

i would simply let them know beforehand that you are a vegan so you don't get there and feel rude for not eating or making them cook something extra for you so you don't feel left out. believe me, i am a vegetarian and this has happened to me. it's not that fun and i felt guilty for not telling them before we ate.