holiday with my mother in law?

Question

Holidays with mother in law?
Holiday hell with new mother-in-law?
About a month ago I had asked my mother in law if she would mind If I do Thanksgiving my mother had no problem with it but mother in law did. She said it was her favorite holiday and she wanted to do it. I said no problem I just thought it would make things a little easier so that we wouldn't have to go to her house at 12 and my moms at 5. I have no problem doing that but my mother inlaw does. She thinks you should go to one place for the holidays I have always went to 2 familys for thanksgiving and I want to keep it that way. I like to see my family every year as well as my husbands family and I am willing to do both.
My mother-in-law is being really selfish she calls last night to talk to my husband and they are discusing Thanksgiving my husband tells her that we won't be eating dinner there we will have appitizers and stay a while but we are eating at my wifes mothers because we ate last year at your house for dinner. This is the problem my mom is flexible she will do lunch or dinn

Additional Details

3 hours ago
she will do lunch or dinner but my mother in law needs to give alittle too. She wanted to have dinner between 2:30 and 3pm. I swear she does it because she is jelous of my husbands relationship with my family we are all very close and we do alot of things together. She doesn't like that. She wants us to go to her house this year and my moms next I don't feel I should give in to something I feel so strong about but I don't want to be her enemy we just got married in September but we have been together over 6 years. Ohh and when she said I couldn't do Thanksgiving she said I can do Christmas day and then she tells us she wont even be their she is going to her sisters. But we have to go to her house christmas eve

3 hours ago
What do you think of this crappy mess. I need some advice as of now my husband is so upset with his mother we are not even going for Thanksgiving. Thaings can change

Answer 1

I think you need to explain a few things to your mother in law but you need to do it way before the Holidays and actually it needs to by your husband doing the talking. With you there, of course, united front and all.
He needs to explain to his mother that while he will always love her his priority now is his family which is you and any kids you have or will have and that means making room for holiday celebrations with both of your extended families. Explain what you as a couple have decided to do, either switch off eating every other year at who's ever house or maybe do the entire Thanksgiving with his family one year and Christmas with yours and vice versa for the next year.
He needs to explain that as much as she wants you guys with her you have a family that wants you with them but they realize that everyone's feelings need to be considered and compromise is the key and she is not to take it as an insult that you have to share your time with others.
Also explain that you are trying to do it at your house so you don't have this tug or war going on! Explain to her that you can certainly all be one big happy family and things will be so much easier if everyone all just gets along.

Answer 2

I think it is time you and your husband set boundries. Holidays are about spending time with the people you love. Perhaps-you should start incorporating a rotational holiday pattern. I know you said that you like to keep them seperate, but it is sooo much easier and less stressful in the long run. I think your motherlaw is being unreasonable, selfish and perhaps is till trying to exhibit what little control she has over your family. Quite frankly-I'd be a bit annoyed at her unwillingness to compromise. What did her and her husband do? Did she create the laws of the land. At,this point in the day-it is really hard to try and salvage this. Sounds to me like your mother in law is having a tempertantrum-because she can't have things her way. The only bandaid I can think of is to call her, explain to her how much she means to you and your family, but also remind her that you and your husband have created a new life which includes the balance of other members of the family. Her feelings are hurt. She being reactionary and unreasonable. Tough to deal with people when the emotions are running high. But honestly, family relationships are complicated-but they shouldn't be this hard. Life is too short. She has systematically taken the joy out of this holiday. Manipulative-yes, Childish-yes, Painful-Yes-Your mother in law is wounded, but if you let her get away with this immature additude-you will be laying out the path for her to do this with future holidays.
What happens if you have children? Will she expect you to uproot the children every holiday and concede to her rules to convience her? Okay now I'm getting mad.
Good luck, console the wounded soul to try and make some happiness out of the day.

Or you could look at it from a business perspective. She didn't make the cut-off. You have other meatings. Do you want to reschedule? That would definately show her that your time is valuable and so is your husbands, so if you want to make a commintment to spend time with each other-she'll have to honor her part of the bargain. You snooze-you loose. Ouch!!

Answer 3

Quitt trying to please everyone, my mother-in-law thinks she has to be with 100 people that day, she wants us to be at her sisters with people we dont even keep in touch with. When she realizes her little family of 12 is enough, then we will spend Thanksgiving with her. I'm only 34, but for 12 years now I do what makes my kids and husband happy, when you do, your will feel a freedom, a huge weight will be lifted. I am the baby of 18 children, theres no way we can all get together, with 45 grandchildren and 24 greatgrandchildren, so everyone has their own little Thanksgivings, isnt that what its about? You loose sight of the importance of it all when your running around everywhere, my kids said they would rather stay home, watch the parade with Dad. My best memories of Thanksgiving were just at home.

Answer 4

Heck, tell her you admire her so much, you are going to take a leaf out of her book. She won't compromise, so neither will you. You married your husband and he you, not the folks. You two can make enough mischief for each other without having someone else putting an oar in the water. If she gets her knickers in a twist, so be it. You made the overture to compromise. She did not want to. Her choice ultimately. Just enjoy and forget any spoiled brat behaviour. But please, do pray for her and yourselves that there can be good will and a reconcilliation soon. Please remember it is good to be on good terms with everyone, but you really don't have to be a doormat.

Hope this resolves soon for all your sakes.

Cheers to you and Happy Thanks Giving.

Answer 5

I think you should have everyone at YOUR house next year. Tell them you want to have everyone together and want to give them a break. Tell them well ahead of time (maybe now!). Tell them to bring their favorite dish to pass so everyone can be involved. Have your hubby talk to his Mom about it & explain that you both want the families to start getting all together. Maybe rotate years & holidays. What a pain! My poor brother & his wife have to juggle 4 families around the holidays....they've decided to have EVERYONE over their house occasionally. Everybody chips in to help & it's a lot of fun. Just make sue you have LOTS of wine (especially for YOU) to drink! :)

Answer 6

Since it is today.

Go to your MIL. Be gracious and cheerful. Then, no matter where things are in the festivities, at the time you need to leave for elsewhere, say you must leave, thank everyone for a wonderful time and go.

DO NOT discuss this with anyone in advance except your husband. Don't get sucked into an argument and stay calm.

GOOD LUCK!!!

How did it go? Details...

Answer 7

TELL everyone next year you are starting a NEW tradition=Thanksgiving AT your place and everyone gets to bring a dish. Your husband and your home always come first.

Answer 8

I think you should explain to your MIL that you want to keep your families tradition. I don't understand why she is being that way. Just as she wants to spend time with her childen today, you also want to spend time with your parents. If she gets offended, apologize to her. Tell her that you are sorry if it is hurting her but you are not trying to offend her, you are just trying to keep good tidings with both your sets of parents. Good luck!

Answer 9

your mother in law is a selfish cow. you should go to her house for a little while and then go to your mother's house and eat.

Answer 10

do i what i do - send him to his mothers and go enjoy yours.