My father left me as a child, but i still want to make up with him. Its causing me a lot of stress?

Question

My father quit on me when I was 6 years old to be with another woman and help raise her 3 children. Up until that point when he left we were very very close, in fact he used to sleep with me in my bed sometimes because I was afraid of a monster in my closet. I know people say guys should be stronger mentally, but every since he left me like that as a little boy it really me. I'm 20 years old now, and I still need him. I don't feel complete. I actually write him 3 times every month in my journal as a way of expressing my anger towards him. I had actually saw the female who he left us to be with a few months ago, and she gave me a very dirty look. I don't know whats going on. I don't trust men, because i feel if I get to close to them, the'll just end up leaving me like he did. I am now on antidepressants, and i take medication for a weak heart, because I am constantly under high stress trying to find him, or trying to find a address to write him to reunite. I need advice.

Answer 1

You may never know why he left like he did and all you can do is find him and ask. Do not expect him to welcome you with open arms. If he was going to do that he wouldn't have walked out on you. We will never know what motivates people to do what they do. The only things you are able to control is yourself and your attitude about the issues. Not every man is going to walk on you. You may find a good man that will except you and teach you to be a man of substance. My youngest daughters boyfriends father did the same to him, he now looks to her dad as a dad and he feels the same way. My husband has taught him to do simple repairs on his car and took him hunting for deer. They have bonded and we tease our daughter that if she were to break up with him we would keep him and i am sure we would he is wonderful, just as I am sure you are. Don't give up on people, you are a man make a difference be who you wish your father was. Not all men are bad some moms walk out to. just be the best person you can be and be proud of it. Show the world that even though your father is a jerk that you are better than that! Good luck out there but don't give up hope.

Answer 2

Where your dad is concerned you are still emotionally a 6 year old boy. This is why you feel so out of sorts. You are a grown man but in some ways you're still that frightened and disappointed little boy who just wants his daddy.

You're on antidepressants, but are you in talk therapy also? You should be. The antidepressants are only supposed to be a temporary aid while you work out your issues.

Think about what it is that you want from your dad. What is it that you expect to happen if/when you meet him again? Is what you want realistic? You won't get back your childhood for a redo. Your memories of the past won't suddenly change to reflect a happy childhood with the daddy you fantasized about. He is who he is. What happened, happened. What will you do if you meet with him and he rejects you yet again? Can you accept the past for what it was and him for who he *really* is (rather than who you want him to be) and take what he *does* have to offer?

I was once told that we get 2 chances to have a wonderful parent/child relationship. The first time is when we are child and have no control over the relationship. The second time is when we become a parent and have all of the control.

When you get to be a dad, remember your childhood and be the kind of dad you always wanted to have.

Good Luck to you

Answer 3

I can relate. I grew up in similar circumstances. When children are deserted by a parent male/female it does leave an empty void in a child's life. Even as adults they still feel it and never get over it. You can ask anyone who has been through such a dramatic experience.It is hard to trust afterwards, but you have to find friends,therapist that you can talk to that can help ease your anxiety over the situation.If you know his address perhaps, you can give him the option to keep the doors open and resume a relationship. If this is not possible you feel, continue to keep a journal that is a great way to express your feelings and to vent. Pray about the situation it's amazing how God works through people and situations..take care..

Answer 4

After he left, did he see you with visitation? Did he pay support?

Some men just abandon their families and children, and that is one of the most damaging things that can happen to a child. You're living proof.

I guess it's fair to say that if he wanted contact with you, he would find a way. Surely he knows how to get in touch with you. But if you dodn't even know where he is.

What does your mother say about this? I'm sure she can help you gain some insight into his actions, and you are old enough to be told the entire truth, if you don't already know the full story.

People aren't that hard to find today. I could find him with a data base quickly with just a little information about him.

But are you prepared for another rejection? It's very sad, but he may not welcome you. Obviously, he made his choices in life, and he continues to make them today. Those choices, very unfortunately, have not included you.

This is something you can suffer from all of your life if you don't find a way to deal with it now. Have you had counseling? Do you have any older men in your life you can talk to? Do you know of a support group in your area for people with the same issue? Maybe you can make some phone calls to social service agencies and see if there is some free or affordable help you can get.

If you need someone to talk to, email me. I've been exactly where you are, I know what you are going through, and have dealt with it. Not easily, I'd add.

Good luck. Reach out for help now.

Answer 5

Instead of protecting you from the monster, he proved that he was that monster.