I am getting married, but the sex isn't good?

Question

I have been with my fella for nearly 2 years and we are getting married in July 08. I love him deeply and cannot stand to be apart from him, but he sex does nothing for me. I have a high sex drive and love oral sex (giving and recieving) but he is boring. We only have sex in bed (I love oudoor risky fun), which is a good idea at home as his 2 girls (3&9) live with us.....but never anywhere else. We have sex 3-4 times a wk, but its over in 5 mins with nearly always no foreplay. I have tried everything to spice things up, even sending txts to him at work saying what I want him to do tto me, but no luck. He has never given me an orgasm

Any ideas?? Would you ladies spend the rest of your life with a man knowing you will only have an orgasm if you DIY??

Answer 1

You need to talk to him before the wedding. I personally don't have this problem, but you really need to talk to him. Tell him you need more "action", you may have to compromise yourself and settle on just the bedroom sex. All in all, you need to talk, if there is no compromising, love or not love, a marriage is a bond in every way. If he doesn't satisfy you now, it's hardly unlikely he will change afterwards.

Answer 2

A very large percentage of females [overwhelming majority] apparently do not orgasm just from penetration - but I can understand and sympathise with the boredom aspect and I agree with your idea about outdoors and risk taking i.e keep it alive etc.

As you will know, us men are not very spontaneous creatures but I am wondering about how he must be feeling. Just maybe maybe maybe he feels like a failure in bed because he hasnt succeeded in giving you an orgasm and that will make a man think ''whats wrong with me'' or ''whats wrong with her'', and most men will just bury their heads in the sand whilst a woman will confront it head on.

And about the 5 minute thing - that is probably higher than the national average but its not good enough. I would encourage you to get him to engage in longer periods of foreplay to turn you on because I think men are usually lacking at this and you might even get to climax.

Maybe the txts are turning him off, stressing him out, and maybe you are more likely to succeed by just surprising him....anyway, hope you get what you want but if you have a high sex drive and his is low then you need to meet somewhere in the middle and that needs both to compromise.

Answer 3

my fiance and i had problems similair to this.

He could not climax, I thought there was something medically wrong with him, so much so, we went to see a sex therapist, but it turns out it we had to try different positions, now i have to quickly change as it is over too quickly!

I send my fiance saucy messages, I have a very high sex drive and sex is on my mind every 5 minutes, whereas he controls his drive!

We have it about 3-4 times a week, then I tell him it was amazing and make jokes saying 'I wish you were crap in bed, so I would not want more'

In your heart of hearts, do you love him? Could you see yourself with anyone else?

Why dont you try abstinance and see if anything will happen.

Is it you that instigates it?

Does he have any stress going on in his life?

I would personally work at it and talk to him if you want to marry and spend the rest of your life with him.

I have been with mny fiance for 4 years, getting married in less than 6 months and I still fancy him more than ever.

Every relationship has problems, its up to the partners to deal with and address the problem.

Answer 4

At least you are getting some on the regular! Is there a reason he isn't as into sex like maybe doesn't want to get pregnant, etc? Not all relationships have to be built on sex and believe me I have a huge sex drive but that was probably why my past relationships didn't work. If you haven't sat down and talked it out and explained your side it won't ever change. You may find out what he needs from you sexually or maybe he needs Viagra?

Also invest in a vibrator or two. If he doesn't perform as well he may like the idea of toys? Its worth a try but if you are going to be upset about the sex thing not changing for the rest of your life and you can't see past it you probably shouldn't get married to him. Chances are you will think about cheating out of despiration.

Answer 5

If he has 2 girls by a previous marriage. That may be why he is divorced. Tell him you want Olympic sex and he better start training for it. Olympic sex is 5 times a week and lasts 4 hours each time. Tell him to start getting in shape. I used to receipt poetry in my head, think about flying an airplane, anything to try and get my mind off of the pleasure for a few miniutes to keep from ending to soon. Keep changing positions about every 3 miniutes for a while. Then change every 5 minuites. Then keep working the time up. It is mind control to get the staying power. And get some movies to watch.

Answer 6

You know... now is the time... Lay it on the line for him... tell him you are having reservations about the relationship and why. Let him know that he needs a lot of improvement in the lovemaking area.. There are tapes out there designed for this.. I cant remember the name.. but you can find them. You might consider seeing a counsellor before you marry.. they will know and have ideas.
Tell him he has to take it seriously if he wants this to work. Do not.. I REPEAT DO NOT go ahead with the wedding as scheduled with this problem not addressed.. It surely will not be resolved by then.. but it should be addressed and he should indicate that he is willing to work on it. Otherwise you are just headed for problems. Most likely you will end up having an affair.. at some point.. if this is not addressed.

Answer 7

You should talk to your man. Tell him exactly how you feel. If you dont tell him, you will hurting yourself. Because if you really want a great marriage, there has to be sexual satisification between both partners.

Yes his feeling may be hurt when you bring this up, but if he is serious about spending the rest of his earthly lift with you. He will do whatever it takes to make you happy. As far as 5 min intercourse, there is all types of information on the internet about last longer in bed, there is also supplements that can be taken.

Answer 8

You need to really tell him how you are feeling, don't hold back. If he isn't willing to put forth the effort to improve this aspect of your relationship, maybe he isn't worth marrying.

I have a very close knit group of girlfriends, a sister, great parents and am surrounded by wonderful people who I trust with everything. My husband is included in that group. There are very few things that sets our relationship aside from all the other wonderful bonds in my life. We are best friends because we connect on that physical level. It's what makes our relationship so special...you deserve to feel that way. If you are not bonded sexually, what makes him any different from a friend that you live with??

Answer 9

Well........I was dealing with the same problem. I'm getting married next year. My guy was depriving me as well-so I just had to talk to him about it. I told him how much I loved him but that he needed to make me happy in bed as well. He is very quick if you know what I mean-so I would never have neough time to have an orgasim. But now he takes care of me first. Its still kinda quick but at least i'm getting something out of it now. You have to tell him that your not happy in that department. Its very hard for me to have and O during actual sex...it has to happen in the foreplay.

Answer 10

Don't you think you have to balance your own physical needs with your own emotional needs?

We can love people who we don't have sex with. We can have sex with people we don't love.

But a marriage really needs to have compatibility for both partners. Sex is so important, and it clearly is to you, that you are basically resigning yourself to an unfulfilling physical existence with him. Not balanced.

Seems to me a normal man who loved you would do what he has to do to solve this problem now.

Maybe he's just not a sexy guy. It happens. But marriage is too important a step for him to be disrespectful of and unresponsive to your needs.

He should recognize this, recognize that there is a serious flaw in your relationship, and he should seek counseling to determine why he is not fulfilling the needs of the woman he loves.

Good luck!