What do you think of "adoption day" celebrations?

Question

I didn't know until recently that it's become a trend to celebrate "adoption day", or "gotcha day". What do you think about celebrating the day someone was adopted?

Answer 1

Hi Query Weary,

Whoever started "Gotcha" you can be certain they were not an adoptee. It refers to the nickname some adoptive parents call the day they "got" their adopted children. They celebrate it anually by doing things with the children. Other adoptive parents call that day "adoption day." Still others, do not celebrate that day at all.

The term “Gotcha Day” seems to have been coined recently, with the first International Gotcha Day having been celebrated September 15, 2005, declared so by Margaret Schwartz. Yet the term has already “become thoroughly entrenched in adoption-speak,” writes Karen Moline, author of "Get Rid of Gotcha." She goes on to say "I find the use of "gotcha" to describe the act of adoption both astonishing and offensive. Aside from being parent-centered ("C'mere, little orphan, I gotcha now!") it smacks of acquiring a possession, not welcoming a new person into your life."

Anybody seriously interested in knowing more about Gotcha Day and the connotations of it should read her full article http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=1266

Some adoptive parents say the phrase is cute and endearing – a “warmer, friendlier” version of “adoption day.” Those who dislike “Gotcha Day” call it “crude, ill-mannered, inappropriate and cheap” – “insufficient for expressing the importance of a child’s homecoming.”

Most adoptees, myself included, find the term offensive. Thank goodness it wasn't around when we were growing up. I believe the wishes of the adoptee should be considered before adoptive parents decide to call it "gotcha day," if indeed they feel the need to celebrate that day at all, since that day also represents a loss to the adoptee.

Thanks for asking. Hope this link is informative.

julie j

Answer 2

Well, you're question has taken an interesting twist. Seems as though most people have a problem with the term Gotcha Day -- not the concept itself.

So, let me first answer your question directly and then address the ensuing controversy.

I think Gotcha Day celebrations are great. It was a big event in a family for an adoption to occur. If it was a foreign adoption then it might have been a long time in coming. When we celebrate our daughter's Gotcha Day, it was a big extended event the first year to celebrate the anniversary of the event. Since then, we have only celebrated as a family unit. I think that's the appropriate way it should be celebrated.

Now -- as for the name... does it really matter what it is called? I mean come on, folks? Was there a huge discussion as to why Kawanza is called that? Was there a huge controversy over Labor Day or Memorial Day or Valentines Day or Washingtons Birthday? It's just a freaking name. Celebrate the event. Call it whatever you want to call it. Just let the adoptive child know they were wanted very much to be a part of the new family unit.

Answer 3

I don't know why, but I just don't like the idea. There is kind of a feeling that one is overcompensating or something. Yes, adoption is a wonderful thing and thankfully we have moved beyond having to be embarrassed about it as in the past. But a special day? It just seems a bit much to me. So, much of parenting today is just plain overkill and indulgent. There is already a day to celebrate the arrival of one's child and it is called a BIRTHDAY. I am an adoptee and I think growing up this would have been a bit embarassing. Because while I never thought I was less special for having been adopted neither did I want to give the message to my peers that I was more special either. Just some thoughts.

Answer 4

As an adoptee - I can't stand 'gotcha day' - ICK.
I also don't really like the thought of celebrating - when the day can have so much sadness surrounding it for the child.
If the child was perhaps an older foster child - they may wish to celebrate it.
It should be up to the child.
All in all - I think it's a little insensitive to the adoptee - to celebrate the severing of ties with the bio fam.
Just my honest opinion.

Answer 5

I think Adoption Day or Forever Family Day is personal, and depending on how educated adoptive familes are on adoption language can make a huge difference. Our daughter's finalization occured Christmas Eve morning in the courthouse. We felt blessed that we had family in town for the celebration. Christmas Eve will always be even more special now for us, however, we will celebrate our daughter each and every day, not just on her birthday, or Christmas Eve.

I too agree the "gotcha day" has to be tossed out the window!!!

Answer 6

We celebrated on the day we adopted, but have no plans to make it an annual celebration. We know our sons' birthdays and only intend to celebrate those days.

However, every family has their own traditions. If they want to add this to their list of celebrated days, that is their business. Perhaps they feel this will make the child feel more special and loved. I.e. "We celebrate this day because it is the day we chose to become your parents".

I would agree with others, "Gotcha" sounds a little odd. I would never personally refer to this as a "Gotcha" day... it implied the children were caught, like a fish.

Answer 7

I too find the phrase "gotcha day" repulsive. It sounds like the adoptee is either a possession or the butt of a joke.

I think the deciding factor for me would be how the day is celebrated and how the child reacts. My family observed our adoption days a time or two when we were little. It was just their way of saying "We're glad to have you in our family." But some of the "celebrations" I've seen and heard of make me cringe because the children whose day was supposedly being celebrated looked so uncomfortable and unhappy.

If a'parents do this, they should be very sensitive to what the child's feelings are about it--and they need to be able to see beneath the surface, below the feelings the kid displays. It would be very easy for the child to get the idea that A) His/her adoption loss is the thing being celebrated and/or B) S/he is being subtly told to be grateful, by which I mean more grateful than natural children are, for his or her home and family.

I guess I mean I don't think the a'parents' urge to celebrate this day is wrong, just that they need to realize what they may be stirring up in doing so. They should keep in mind that the child's feelings about adoption are always are more important than theirs and always get first consideration.

Answer 8

Personally, I hate the term "gotcha day". I associate the word "gotcha" with an object not a person. Parents that say the got a child are reducing them to a posiession instead of a human being. I can understand that adoptive families want to celebrate the day the became a family, but why not celebrate a "family day". My parents celebrated this, it could be any old day and we would just be happy knowing we are part of a family. I mean I got gifts and stuff, but they never celebrated a "gotcha day".

Answer 9

Not an adoptive parent nor an adoptee so my answer does not come with credentials. I am a parent and answer as such. If I were an adoptive parent, I would awake on adoption day with a thanksgiving prayer in my heart for my family and fall asleep that night thanking God that I had the strength not to make MY special day a special day for my child.

For kids their birthday is THE day of the year. Why spoil that?

"Gotcha Day"? There are just no words. I could not imagine a greater insult to my child's parents.

Answer 10

It doesn't float MY boat, so to speak. As an adopted person, I would not have wanted a day that singled me out as adopted, particularly since my aparents also had a natural son. Although it does not symbolize the day I lost my natural family since I was relinquished at 13 months and then spent 7 months in foster homes before being placed in a PAP's home, I still feel it would have signified the difference in my family member status rather than accentuate the idea that I was a normal member of the family.

As far as "gotcha day" -- that term is just degrading and revolting.