What can i do about myself and my mother?

Question

Myself and my mother are not talking as this is because of the hurting things she does.It is also to do with my boyfriend staying with us for christmas. She said that she did not feel comfortable in her own house if he stayed on the 24th and 25th. I was so mad with her as I had informed her about this and she states it will be okay. On the 24th I came with my boyfriend and she was not too happy and said to me that I should have called again to confirm it was okay. At this point myself and my mother were yelling and my boyfriend can hear . I decided to walk my boyfriend to the station and then come back home as i was mad with my mother. On christmas day arrived we both were not talking to each other and that was when she said she will not open my present.Anyway on christmas day i had to go and meet my boyfriend as his family went away and he decided to do christmas with my family. It has been two days and I dont know what to say to my mother

Answer 1

Try to say to your Mum, I love you. Then say I want to talk about things with you if you are cool with it please. Then without yelling and accusations, speak to your Mum about how it made you feel and how you had hoped when she said it would be okay that you took her at her word. Tell her it made you feel very small in the eyes of someone you care for and more than that, you hate giving a person outside the family the wrong view of her. Then listen to what she has to say until she is finished without interruption. This is hard to do, but if you are to make headway, you need to learn this skill. If you find that she said things you dispute, leave it until she has finished speaking then tell her what you think... again in a slow calm voice. And bit by bit you should be able to talk out your problems. Try it. It is the only way I know to resolve conflict.

Cheers

Lisa

Answer 2

I think it is up to your mother to grow up and come to you. You seem to have done everything you could for the situation and then she acted like a baby and refused to even open your gift...even after putting your boyfriend on a train/bus to go home. I really think your mother is being unreasonable and I don't think anything you can say will change that. She has to figure it out for herself and be the one to approach you.

nye_r- She did do what her mother wanted. This guy did not spend the night. The mother had originally said it would be alright and when her mother was mean about it, she sent him home. Yes, it is her house but she had originally said that it was alright and then at the last minute changed her mind and then threw a temper tantrum and wouldn't open her childs gift!

Answer 3

I think she really wasn't okay with it from the beginning but didn't know how to tell you; she felt railroaded (run over in a big way and forced into it). You don't mention how old you are but she might be worried about committment issues between you two since maybe she thought he was sleeping with you and wondering about his intentions with you. Maybe the best way for her to meet him was in a neutral place instead of in her own home, knowing that you two may probably sleep together under her own roof. Can you ask her if you can all meet out for lunch or dinner somewhere? She loves you and wants to know that this guy is okay for you. Meanwhile, your poor boyfriend is left alone for Christmas; hopefully he will understand and respect your mother's feelings as you should, too. Just tell her to please be more direct next time, since this poor guy has been left high and dry for Christmas in the meantime.

Answer 4

It really pisses you off doesn't it?! It does to me too, it seems that whenever i even mention my boyfriends name she turns her nose up at it. I mean my boyfriend isn't a trouble maker nothing like that! he's a lovely boyfriend really cares for me, buys me things takes me out picks me up etc. but mum is just so grrrr. It's sad she's made such a big fuss over christmas. I wanted to see him half day on christmas day because he moved away some time ago. she made such a big fuss about it! i understand realy do from where and what your going through. I personally just get on with it. Perhaps you should discuss with your mum what is her problem with your boyfriend?! x

Answer 5

Your mother sounds stubborn. this is sad. Did your boyfriend have to spend x-mas alone? Sorry to say, but you are the child and your mother is the adult and she is acting like a child. It's the season of giving and caring and a little thing like this bothers her this much? Sorry, just understand how you feel. Your best bet is to talk to her and tell her this is a stupid thing to fight about and why she can't put something like this behind her.

Answer 6

Your mother sounds quite immature. I would call in Dr. Phil to administer some sound Texan psychology on her childish butt.

Answer 7

You may not want to hear this, but it is her house. In your house you can do whatever you like. But when you're in someone elses house, you should show them respect.

Answer 8

Google it

Answer 9

Tell her that next year you will plan to be with your friends.