Why can't I find or want to give my 27 yr old daughter any love?

Question

I'm a single mother of 2 daughter's, gave both my children all my time, love and support (I have one that's 27 yr old daughter one 15 in Feburary,and 5 yr old Granson, whom I love and care so deeply for),I've bailed her outa so so many jams,all her life,
His father (grandson's) wasn't around for any of her pregnancy nor my grandson's birth ,birthday's nothing, (NOTTA)
My other daughter is turning 15 in februray,she's a typical teen, not doing any bad things ,such as drugs, alcohol or ciggerttes,she does well in school, and also loves school.phheeww(thank god).

The 27 yr old is the type that is very, very overbearingERYTHING IN THE WORLD.I mean literly everythiing, If we get into a calm conversation as a family including my mom(love her so much, sweetest lady ever)it alway's ends up in a hudge screaming match, then very her mouth,with it ending that she wants to leave, that "WE" are the stupid one's ,saying "yeah, It's alway "ME" It dosen't matter ,even awaking him saying, come baby lets get outa here, very loudly saying , they don't want us here..
Is there any other Mother's Father's,Gaurdian's,parent's, that have or do feel this way ,if so what is this feeling all about?can anyone tell me if this has happened to them?,I feel like a very mean person/mother ,my mom is ill and is in no condition to have to endure such verbal abuse,as well as myself, I'm on disability,...It also breaks Mom's heart knowing what I feel and feels for grandson and greatgrandson..I really hate having to feel this way especially about my own child,
I don't or could care aless if I ever see her or talk to her again, However I love my grandson and my other daughter and Mom do to..
Every xmas this has happened for the past 6 or 7 yrs..
We did live in the same town after the baby was born, as she had no where to go, we orginally lived in Toronto, then I brought broght my Mother up to the North as well 2 yrs after I came up,This Daughter moved to Toronto, after moving 3 other places in our town,she's very lazy, she come's, first thing, grabs the phone ,goes into my other daughters room ,I don't see her til she say's im leaving now...This so horrible, I loved her so so much in her younger yrs,,raised her the best I could, being a single mom.
She has her father to talk to now, that never gave her anything,she thinks of him as a god.
my 15 yr old hasn't a father now,he passed, even still, he lost custody of any kind before passing,she was and still is terrified even though she knows he's dead.I feel like I'm a terrible Mother,but I could care aless if I see her ever again, my grandson yes, boy would I love him so ss much and loved to keep him full time, he's so sweet.everytime he knows he's leaving he cry's so hard wanting to stay,she won't allow him to.
Every Xmas,Easter,Birthday's,ect ect this has happened for the past 6 or 7 yrs..
We did live in the same town after the baby was born, as she had no where to go, we orginally lived in Toronto, then my Mother and I bought seperate places about 2 hours north of Toronto,she moved about 1 year ago back to Toronto, after moving 3 other places in our town,she's very lazy, she come's, first thing, grabs the phone ,goes into my other daughters room ,I don't see her til she say's im leaving now...This so horrible, I loved her so so much in her younger yrs,would move mountain's for her if I could, I fought long and hard for her in court and recieved full custody of her, as well as my 15 yr old,I raised her the best I could, being a single mom.
She has her father to talk to now, that never gave her anything, He chooze his 2nd wife over her and her kids and forbidded her to enter his home , when is wife was around, other then to drop off our grandson.she thinks of him as a god.(my dad this, my dad that)
My 15 yr old hasn't a father now,he passed, even still, he lost custody of any kind before passing,she was and still is terrified even though she knows he's dead.I feel like I'm a terrible Mother,but I could care aless if I ever see my eldest Daughter..
Can sombody have any answer's why??
I was and am ill, do you think she ever asks how I am, or asks If there's anything she can do to make life easier for me and Mom..
NOT!!Is feeling this way not excetable ,?Am I being a bad Mother?
Every xmas this has happened for the past 6 or 7 yrs..
We did live in the same town after the baby was born, as she had no where to go, we orginally lived in Toronto, then Iand my Mother bought seperate places about 2 hours north of toronto,she moved about 1 year ago back to Toronto, after moving 3 other places in our town,she's very lazy, she come's, first thing, grabs the phone ,goes into my other daughters room ,I don't see her til she say's im leaving now...This so horrible, I loved her so so much in her younger yrs,,raised her the best I could, Im being a single Mom , she was at that time a real pleasure being her Mom,I have been a single Mom forever
She has her father to talk to now, that never gave her anything, chooze his 2nd wife over her and her kids and forbidded her to see him when is wife was around, she wasn't welcome in their home, other then to drop of our grandson.she thinks of him as a god.
my 15 yr old hasn't a father now,he passed, even still, he lost custody of any kind before passing,she was and still is terrified even though she knows he's dead.I feel like I'm a terrible Mother,but I could care aless if I
Every xmas this has happened for the past 6 or 7 yrs..
We did live in the same town after the baby was born, as she had no where to go, we orginally lived in Toronto, then Iand my Mother bought seperate places about 2 hours north of toronto,she moved about 1 year ago back to Toronto, after moving 3 other places in our town,she's very lazy, she come's, first thing, grabs the phone ,goes into my other daughters room ,I don't see her til she say's im leaving now...This so horrible, I loved her so so much in her younger yrs,,raised her the best I could, being a single mom.
She has her father to talk to now, that never gave her anything, chooze his 2nd wife over her and her kids and forbidded her to see him when is wife was around, she wasn't welcome in their home, other then to drop of our grandson.she thinks of him as a god.
my 15 yr old hasn't a father now,he passed, even still, he lost custody of any kind before passing,she was and still is terrified even though she knows he's dead.I feel like I'm a terrible Mother,but I could care aless if I see ever again
sorry if i retyed some things..

Thank's 4 opioin's,
However,I am a great Mother always have been all my friends and family can atest to this.This has nothin to do with being a bad MOM she has even said I'm the greatest Mom in the world.She and her friends have asked me if they could call me MOM,These kids r from broken family's ,or have lost their mothers to o'ds and have kicked them out ,or they ru I recall ,how many times I've brought them in to speak to them wondering what causes their realationships to break.I would call parents
let them know their daughter(sp)were safe in my home.
Her friends no wht sh's like,She isn't angel, neither am I nor anyone elese . friends tell her , how lucky it is to have a mother like myself.(inderstanding, and listening,*WITHOUT JUDGEING*)
Most of her friends parent's are drugs,
Her frown line is a giveaway, should luv,no matter wat,I am terminaly ill from cancer/chemo,she lived down street ,never offerin help,She came
by granson want me to babysit,
There so much more.

Answer 1

WAY TOO LONG TO READ, YOU AREN'T GETTING VERY MANY REPSONSES

but she sounds as if though she suffers from borderline personality disorder. my mom felt the same way about me too.... fortunately i wasn't 27, and the reason that matters is because as you get older when you are aware of this problem you tend to learn to cope with your outbursts, and selfishness a lot better,

tough love and a counselor may help, but she's a lot older than I was when I was diagnosed, and i'm not on meds for it now, because i am pretty good at dealing with life, not to mention my life is not stressful.. if i lived in my home town I would be on meds.....

there's so much to talk about, you need to research this and ask her to see someone.

Answer 2

I am a 59 year old mother myself and I had this same type of trouble with my own mother.
I can tell you this as a mother and having troubles with my own mother. YOU are feeling the wrong things to feel.
Don't you think she knows how you feel? Don't you think she can feel it too. Don't you think it hurts her and makes her upset.
You have discribed this wonderful fifteen year old that you love because she does all the things you like in her but that is not what a mother is all about is it.
We can't get along with our children all the time and each child is different.
My sister was that perfect child and I on other hand was the one in the back ground. There but really feeling I wasn't there at all because I could see that my mother was closer to my sister then she was to me and I too leaned toward my father because he made me feel that I was worth something.
Your daughter feels unloved by you and the way you talk I think she is right to feel that way.
it is not just the feeling of being unloved that she feels but like she is not quite good enough.
Her personality is different then yours and she is after all twenty seven years old and you might try to show her some respect like she may know something too and that her conversation is worth listening too.
Yes you have helped her in the past and so did mine but my mother still made me feel less a person.
It is time that you started making your daughter feel like she is worth while in your eyes and maybe your relationship will improve.
You have a grandson that you dearly love too but what about her? Try to give her some of those same feelings that you have been giving your daughter and your grandson. Make her feel more welcome instead of dreading her coming around because I am sure you do. She is your first born daughter and she loves you but has been hurt and this is why she is acting this way. Help her if you can because that is what mothers are truly made for.
My heart goes out to both of you. Neither of you understand what the other one may truly feel and if you do not try then that grandson will someday be out of your life as well as your daughter. That to me would be more then sad. And by the way.. I love my mother very much, but there has always been this distance between us and I have felt it all these years and it still hurts at times.

Answer 3

Yes, a man may have went to prison for having sexual relations with a 14 year old boy, however, the parents of the girl you're speaking of have to be the ones to file criminal charges against this man. That's just disgusting for a 27 year old man to be doing anything like that with a 14 year old girl. If her parents aren't doing anything about this, then they are just as low as he is in my opinion. I can guarantee that if someone ever were to do anything like that with my daughter, with or without her consent, and at that age, he would lose his manhood.

Answer 4

A person who doesn't love their daughter doesn't go around asking whether or not they love their daughter. Every family has their issues. Your case is no different than about half of America's mothers'. You and your daughter lost the ability to talk without yelling a long time ago. I'm guessing some time during childhood. If you want things to get better, then talk to your daughter without accusing her of anything and ask her to do the same. If you truly meant it when you said that you never wanted to see her again, then that doesn't make you a bad person, just a bad mother. But I don't think you meant it. You kept repeating it in your story which tells me that you think about her all the time. Let the past be past, or it will become your future.

Answer 5

Many, many parents go through this. Just because she's your child, it doesn't make her easy to get along with and its due to her own actions that you dread being around her. Its a very tough thing, but you have to deal with her for the sake of getting to see your grandson. She needs some counseling, and probably holds some sort of grudge against her younger sister for being the baby. She sounds as if she wants to be the baby but there's not only younger sister, but now little grandson. She feels left out and unwanted. Not that that's your fault though. It takes a third party in a situation like this one to help everyone get their true feelings out on the table, and alot of patience and hard work on everyones part. Good luck to you!

Answer 6

Wow....how were you able to type so much? There is usually a 1000 character limit...lol....anyhow, this is what I think. I think you are doing TOO much for your 27 year old daughter. She is running the show, because she is putting and has been putting this guilt trip on you all of your life and you have been giving in. Her new thing is your grandson. You love that little baby more than anything and don't want her to take him away from you for good. This is keeping you at her mercy. I say if she wants to leave, let her, it will be hard, but you can no longer live her life. She's a big girl and its time for her to figure out life on her own. When she falls flat on her face, what lesson is she going to learn if you continually bail her out? You have to let go and let her learn on her own. You can still be there by providing positive words of encouragement, but financially or any other way, you cannot keep doing it. Good luck, it is hard and deep down you just want to help out your daughter because you don't want to see her fail, but it is really causing more harm than good.......it is holding her back and preventing her from learning to stand on her own two feet.

Answer 7

Your answer is DRUGS. I know i have a 31 year old son i have been through hell and high water with he raises hell at me and his dad all time, We are raising his 5 and 6 year old childern He came in one night and was gona kill us. Had a knife I called the law they took him to jail .The next day we went in front of the judge my husband and my self begged them to send him to drug rehab,They did we ask for long term.And got it. He went and stayed 3 months and has now came out a different person..You can win if they want to help selfs if not my grandmother always told me you give them enough rope thell hang them selfs,, The baby is the one hurting the most how does she treat him?iS HE TOOK CARE OF. Maybe you need to check into that mine wasn;t by mom or dad, They have divorced and i took them to court and legally adopted my grandchildern.It was hard on a fixed income i used all the credit i could and it is hell paying back but we will make it the babbies are safe,

Answer 8

I think your 27 yr old daughter needs to find some responsibility for example to get a job her own place, pay her own bills. My daughters at first would cry when they would leave Grandma's but now they know that my mom comes over or go to her house or we all go to the store together. Or ask her to go get some counseling or something.
God bless you.

Answer 9

It took me till I was nearly 30 to wake up to myself.
I was a crappy daughter, too many things to list.
But was on drugs, in prison the whole deal.
Now Mum and I are best friends, I even live with her.
Am very protective of her. Would never dream of disrespecting her. She cries when she tells her friends that "she got her little girl back".
Don't give up hope on your daughter, just give her space, and let her deal with her own problems, even though it may be hard, mums want to help.
She'll wake up to herself one day, like I did, and you'll be a family again....

Answer 10

Mrs., you are rambling all over the place; and it's very difficult to put everything you're saying, into any meaningful semblance of order; and which of the numerous relationships that you mention as to who is relating to who in what way.

The sheer volume of data you present, would take an Einstein to figure out what is what, or who is who.

What I have been able to glean from it all, is that you're an extremely unhappy, and very confused lady. And you need to connect with a very, very good therapist, to sort it all out. I certainly can't.

And all I can say in closing, is good luck,

Alberich