What am I missing?

Question

I realize that Yahoo! Answers is probably a strange place to solicit relationship advice but I want a wide range of opinions so...

I'm 28, I have a master's degree, I've been successful professionally and I can have fun doing almost anything. I was married for about 3 years but it ended badly back in 2004.

I find that I go out quite a bit but I am rarely stimulated or interested in seeing someone a second time. I'm a closet romantic but for what ever reason I can't seem to find any kind of romantic compatibility.

I haven't had a lot of experience with intimate long-term relationships (and the experience that I have had has been painful). Am I just too picky or is there some kind of emotional block that prevents me from connecting with women? Obviously there's no way to tell on the forum but I would love to hear other peoples' experiences.

Answer 1

Basing on the things you've said, i think you're just trying to find the right one and you dont want to experience the same things as what you had before. You are trying to be cautios about having a relationship.
My advice, dont be on a rush. I know this kind of saying is already popular but you bet its true. Love comes to you the least you expected it to come. Just do your thing and enjoy life as it is. One step at a time. =)

Answer 2

I didn´t find my husband until I was 32. Don´t give up hope. Maybe counseling can help. Maybe you´re looking in the wrong places. Try a different venue. If you´re doing the bar scene, that´s probably your problem. That´s no way to meet people. Parties are not much better, but at least you can usually bet you know some of the same people. Work can be a good place to meet people, but only if you can keep the relationship out of a professional place.

Try things like religious groups, interest classes, volunteer organizations. I met my husband at a dancing class. (ballroom is HUGE these days, and if you advance, you get to nourish that romantic side by dressing up in tuxes for some things...maybe).

Don´t know, just a few suggestions.

Oh, and don´t rush things. Maybe you won´t make that romantic click right away (that´s why classes can be such a good way to meet people, you can take things really gradually). Just keep trying.

Answer 3

I think you've done a pretty good job of pin-pointing your potential problems by realizing that you probably have an emotional block (a wall as I like to call it)...which can appear as being picky, but it's more of self-preservation (trying not to get hurt). I've been this guy...we're similar in age even, and what I've come to realize is that it's a social pressure to have a significant other moreso than a "need". I know that the Bible even refers to how not everyone is supposed to be married, but our society rarely considers the Bible when talking about "what's cool or socially acceptable", do they?

I've been divorced since 2005 and it ended pretty nasty. I've dated a lot since then and have found very little satisfaction in most of the women I've dated. SO, I decided to go back to the girls I liked BEFORE I got married and crushed, and now am working towards a good relationship with an ex-gf from high school that never got married nor had children. We're very happy...that's what I had to do to move on from my fears of getting hurt again. Good luck!

Answer 4

I don't think a master's degree has anything to do with having a meaningful relationship; it doesn't influence me. Hopefully you don't define yourself this way.

You say you're rarely interested in seeing someone a second time. Maybe you should make yourself give people at least a date or two before you decide against them. I'm not necessarily talking about forcing yourself to spend time with people you clearly dislike, but what about the neutral ones? Things take time to grow.

Other than what I've said, I feel like I'm in the same boat as you. Most people seem to be on other wavelengths than me. I don't know if I'm looking at things too seriously, or if I'm just incapable of connection. Maybe you and I are a little more mature than the people we run into.

Best of luck.

Answer 5

I would say that you're in a transitional period in your life right now, and being single would be your best bet..as far as your feelings and those of others are concerned. In my opinion, you're just being a typical young guy...keeping your distance whether intentional or not, and just wanting to have fun and not getting involved in anything too serious. Do just that and make sure you make your intentions known!

Answer 6

You're not picky but just wanting some more security in your relationship...But, remember, don't push yourself too hard. just be yourself.