My husband insisted that his family come to visit us in Michigan for Christmas this year. Since they live in California, he doesn't get to see them very often, so he relished the idea of spending quality time with them over the holiday. The problem is that his family is very rude and inconsiderate. First, they failed to confirm how many people were coming to visit or exactly when they would be arriving -- until the day before their 7-day visit. Then, when they arrived, we discovered that (surprise!) they had also decided to bring along their pet ferret and 3 dogs -- even though we already have 3 big dogs in our home who do not take kindly to other animals in the house! To make matters worse, my sister-in-law showed up with five bratty kids, ages 2 through 13, who are constantly hungry, constantly making messes, and seemingly incapable of lifting a finger to handle even the slightest chore. Their mother is even worse. She refuses to lift a finger to cook or clean! Any advice?
2007-12-27 17:24:15 · 16 answers · asked by Miffed 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Wow, what a nice Xmas gift you got...!!! Dang, I don't think there's much you can do as of now anymore.... they will be gone soon, right? I hope your husband is noticing ALL what's going on but, in case he isn't (he's a man after all) make a list with ALL what you just told us and, when his lovely family is gone, have a serious talk with him. Tell him that, while you understand & encourage that he spend time with his family, you cannot accept that they're so inconsiderate, bring whatever people/animals they want, whenever they want, for as long as they want, and that they don't even care to help you keep YOUR house clean during their stay. Perhaps they think that being a guest gives them a privileged status or something.... but you're not their maid. Your husband should understand that it's not fair to expect that you do ALL the work and accept all these inconveniences just to host his family. So KEEP THE LIST (he will have forgotten all this by next Xmas/holiday) and tell him that you'll be glad to help make hotel reservations for his family next time they're coming to visit you.
As for what to do right now..... I guess you can't but ask DIRECTLY for your sister in law's help at certain times.... when you're done having dinner, you can politely ask "Hey X, would you mind helping me taking all these dishes to the kitchen?" Or if you're going to do the dishes, you can tell her "hey, mind if we continue chatting at the kitchen? I need to do the dishes, and it'd be great to have you there cuz then we can be done faster".......... other than this, I guess you'll just have to suck it up till they're gone... and hope they won't come back, ever!!!! Good luck........
ETA: ohhh and if he insists that his family comes over again next year........ you pull out the list and remind him of what happened this year..!!!!! Stand your ground!
2007-12-27 18:03:44 · answer #1 · answered by Lprod 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Dear God! Yes, they are EXTREMELY rude. And that's putting it as nicely as possible. You are NOT too uptight.
Put your foot down. Insist that they clean up after themselves, insist that they help you. They're staying in your home for free and treating you like a maid. It's YOUR home, so don't let these clods walk all over you.
And if they ever request to spend Christmas in Michigan again, be sure to send them information on local hotels/motels and kennels.
And this is completely irrelevant... but I believe it's still illegal to own ferrets in California. Which could be why they dragged the poor thing halfway across the country instead of leaving it in someone else's care.
You have my sympathy... I just wish I had better advice to offer you.
2007-12-27 19:18:33 · answer #2 · answered by Liz 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, they sound pretty darn rude to me. How much longer do you have to put up with them? It seems like you're over the hump now, so If they're not staying for too much longer, I'd stick it out until they leave, but strongly suggest they stay at a hotel next year. You could offer to make the reservations, just to be extra-nice (plus you'd know how many people to expect at dinner, too).
Since they're your husband's family, if you make too big a stink now, you'll come off looking like the bad guy. Any major criticism probably needs to come from him, or at the very least, he needs to have your back should you confront them.
Best of luck!
2007-12-27 17:35:47 · answer #3 · answered by Kelly G 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Is beyond rude and you are not being uptight.They are inresponible and should be put in there place.I experienced the same issue 3yrs ago when My mother in law -spend the holidays and my cousins..I put up a CHORE chart and stated I was the Women of the house.
State your ground and they will respect you even more and if this goes on they will walk all over you in the future.
My in laws don't bother to come in my HOME and walk all over me or my life.
My husband thought,I was being to hard..But later my mother in law and everyone else RESPECTED me more for being human and the need to get my point across with NO DRAMA
Is your HOME you MAKE the rules.
Make a chart FOR EVERYONE to do there half.
and state you are IN CHARGE of the HOME and want to maintain order not chaos.
2007-12-27 18:52:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could do like my hubby and I did during the holidays...
Made reservations in mid-summer to board our dog at her kennel for Christmas, also, made reservations at a nice Spa-Inn Resort by the ocean, mountains (or anywhere) for Xmas eve and Xmas Day, just for the two of us.
Get away from all of the B S and just enjoy life!
But you've gotta make all of your reservations several months early or they will all be booked-up.
2007-12-27 18:18:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW!!! This is a Christmas you won't forget - huh? How is your husband handling all this behavior? Is he having a good time with them and not observing the negative side? If so, I would hesitate to unleash on him all that has been pented up inside you during this adventure - for fear of ruining his time with them. BUT...if there is a next visit, I would set some ground rules down for these people - using your husband as the spokesperson or else it won't work. If that won't work out for you, then the next time they all come to visit, you take a week long vacation yourself! ;-)
2007-12-27 17:45:16 · answer #6 · answered by Monica 1 · 3⤊ 1⤋
How rude! This doesnt make for a fun and happy Christmas but I know what will! Leave THEM in the house and go and spend the week in a hotel! Happy holidays! :)
2007-12-28 00:06:43 · answer #7 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
how is your relationship with your brother? Does he see the comparable element you do? working this by skill of him first could help evade a brilliant mess or possibly a falling out (fairly in case you have a temper, issues ought to get grotesque quickly) using fact maximum possibly he has became a blind eye to her habit and enable him be responsive to how she treats anybody. anybody would be effective to her on your brothers sake yet have confidence me this could only worsen over the years and picture if little ones are interior the plans. think of of it as a snowball consequence the longer it is going the bigger and greater effectual it receives. yet whilst the conversing would not help or your brother would not seem to take your innovations into attention in basic terms enable him be responsive to that relationships would be strained and only undesirable issues can consequence from her demanding habit
2016-10-02 11:18:43 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I certainly sympathise with you. I suggest you try your best to tolerate them for the seven days as a kind of penance. However, make it know to your husband that you are putting up with they nonsense as a token of love for him and in keeping with the Christmas spirit! Make sure he understands that this will be a first and last time effort from your side! Best of luck Sweetie!!!
2007-12-27 20:47:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your inlaws are very rude and disrespectful.
While they are on your house let your husband deal with them. After all, it's his family!
You can go out for hours and return later in the day, so you have less time to stand them.
2007-12-28 04:31:10 · answer #10 · answered by carlosdavid 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋