What, if anything, do you do if you believe that your child may be a lesbian?

Question

Do I ask? Do I say nothing until she verbally says something first? Is it my place to say something, if her father is trying to ignore it?

I believe that a stepchild of mine is trying to tell her father that she is a lesbian, without actually talking to him. The way she dresses (i.e. will only wear men's clothing, "sags" when she does get dressed, leaves the area when phone rings and one of her "girlfriends" is calling, very masculine posture, grooming has become more "frumpy", etc.). She's very withdrawn and seems angry all the time.

I understand that children go through some confusing things during their teenage years. I don't want her to get so withdrawn that she doesn't feel a part of the family. I want her to be able to be herself and feel comfortable in her own home.

It doesn't bother me so much that she may be gay, it's just that we're all pretending that we don't notice her changes.

Answer 1

I wouldn't ask her point blank.. She may be confused right now and not know.. or she may be experimenting.. So don't push for answers.. let her come to you about that.


but also, make sure she knows that she can come to you. She needs to know that you will accept her and love her no matter what. That may be difficult, but give her time.. and listen up for "hypothetical" questions.

I know when I was young... if I did something that I knew my parents wouldn't like.. or if I was thinking about it.. I'd ask my mom "what if" questions about it first... or tell her that someone else was doing it in order to see her reaction. Pay attention to those.

Answer 2

This is what I would do:
I would look for professional help. Probably I would start by contacting the school psychologist to talk very openly and evaluate possible strategies to follow. That probably would help me in clarifying my thinking, but most importantly it would help me in getting knowledge about the do's and don'ts always in the child's best interest. Then I would look for a second opinion through any government social agency. Only at this ponint I would feel more confident to talk about the situation with the child's father. Chances are that both of you want to have a common meeting with a counselor previous to having a conversation with the child. But that is O.K. the more questions you ask, the more professional guidance you receive, the less impact for the family will be, and overall the more chances to deal with the situation with respect, compasion and dignity.
Regards,
Jose C

Answer 3

I went through this phase too. I am not a lesbian never have been. At that time I was just a teenager and that was my style and as a teenager you sometimes are an angry one. I didn't talk to my dad for a week once for reading a poem I wrote in my notebook.
If she is though unless you suspect that she is having sex there is no reason to bother her she will outgrow this phase at least the angry part. If you suspect that she is having sex whether female or male you should teach her how to be safe from STD's.
Look at the bright side if she is a lesbian you don't have to worried about her getting pregnant.

Answer 4

I think you can help the situation. You need to speak with your husband tell him your perspective. Understand his perspective too.

Be comfortable when she calls her friends or talks on the phone. Let there be no "pin-drop-silences" when she has any of her interactions.

Finally, involve her in all that you do at home... the Christmas shopping, decorations, lunch... It's all these little things that are probably preventing her from saying anything.

You need not actually go up to her and ask. When she is ready, she will tell you. And like you mentioned, teenagers go through phases in life. This may just be a phase... be patient and supportive.

Answer 5

She might be a lesbian but then she might just be experimenting. So I would leave it to her to come out to you. It might be very confrontational for her to have you approach her directly and say "So...I've noticed some things, Are you a lesbian" Because maybe she isn't.
Perhaps at subtle moments you could drop general hints about how you wouldn't mind having a gay child and that you would support them no matter what.
For example if the topic comes up on the news, or is in a book or TV show.
That way when and if she is ready to come out she will feel more secure about it.

Answer 6

Being a parent myself, I think you need to pray and come to some conclusion on how you're going to deal with this situation if she tells you yes. Still love her and be there for her regardless of what other family members may feel. She's still human and your daughter. Everyone doesn't have the perception of man and woman any more. I pray that you have an open mind with this and may God bless u and your family as you come to some kind of closure with this matter. Be Blessed.

Answer 7

I suggest that you and her Father speak to her. Just because she is wearing mens clothing does not mean she is a lesbian. There are very femine lesbians also. Some gang members also wear baggy saggy clothes. Some kids just wear it because it is the in thing at the moment. Until you open up with her she is not going to open up with you. Talk to her you may be surprised at what she has to tell you.

Answer 8

Maybe she's just trying out a new style in clothes and feels comfortable that way........Leaving the phone area when a friend calls maybe she just wants some privacy..
Then again maybe she is a lesbian and is hoping someone picks up on it.. many lesbians are still very femnine and "girlie" , and many girls/women who dress quite masculine are "straight"..............

Answer 9

This is a devastating blow to any family and has torn many families apart. The Bible says that they should be put to death. Unfortunatly our government has seen fit to do away with bible law and become accepting of most sicknening lifestyles and has forced the general population to do the same. At the very least, She should be cast out of the family until she has come to her senses. All contact should be severed, as hard as that is to do. Anyone who accepts or chooses to deny that this is going on, is a bigger part of the problem than the one who is commiting this horrible act! Bleeding heart liberals are ruining what was once the greatest nation on Earth. (I am assuming you are in America). Political correctness is wrong on every level and must be done away with.

Answer 10

changes like( suddenly dressing different, not caring how she looks) that in a teen usually signify some major emotional changes. could she be abusing drugs or alcohol? could some one be abusing her mentally or worse physically. could she be abusing herself(cutting). withdrawn and angry are very powerful signs that something is not right with this girl. get some kind of counseling right away