I can't be happy?

Question

I am not happy. I am afraid to feell happiness or joy bc everytime I do something happens to take it away.

My brother is 30 and has a 4 yr old child.. My parents and I have been raising her since before she was 2 years old. He and his wife divorced and she left and he got custody of his child.

The mom is never around and hardly ever calls and he only comes by to b*** about something or yell at my parents or to bum money. He has a job but has NO money saved. he spends it on God knows what.

My whole life I've dealt with his temper and physical fights with my parents and they enable him. They let him get his way.

And I always feel guilty and worry about them and my niece and I am not happy at all.

Everytime I think I can be happy I hear that he pawned his bow again or he wants some more money from dad or he wont pay his bills or he wants the money off the child support card for his own personal use--which i suspect goes to drugs.

If he doesnt get his way it turns violent

Anyways, I constanlty worry about my mother raising my niece..my mom is an incredibly tough and amazing woman but she is 55. My dad is 54.

We have no tax help or govenment help bc we do not have cusstody of her legally. If I wasn;t working she wouldn;t be able to have most of the things she has.

Brother never gives us money or anything to help out. Has his own house but steals our money, food, or whatever else he wants to take.

For christmas he had mjoney but only got my parents ONE thing a piece that costed 10 bucks and they got him a lot of stuff.

I worry so much, its all I ever do. I cant do anything but sit and worry about when the next violent thing will occur. I worry that my niece will grow up to be unhappy and wonder why her parents didnt want her.

I worry ill never have my own life bc i am basically a mom to her also. I love her more than anythig though.

Anyone in similar situation or have any advice for me?

I just want to enjoy my youth and be happy.

Calling cops or CPS would end in unimaaginable violence..I dont want to think about it and anyway my parents would never do that.

I wish he would die, I know that makes me terrible, but it would be so much better for everyone. I hate him.

I have already graduated I am 23. I dont want to leave my parents here alone to go through the bad times and raising my niece alone. I feel I need to be here to take care of everyone.

I dont know what i want to do with my life, I am not that smart and i dont know what i can do, i dont mean to complain but i never talk to anyone about this stuff bc i am embarrassed for people who know me to find out all the details

Once about 2 yrs ago I got mad at him and threw stuff at him and yelled and he threw it back and busted a window behind me that shattered all over me. Fighting doesnt help.

I know other people have it worse off than me, I'm not unaware of that

He has threatened to burn our house or kill us if we call cops or anything, so we are afraid to do that'

Might sound wussy to some people but if you were in the situation perhaps maybe it would make more sense.

Answer 1

I'm so sorry--that is a very hard situation to be living in, especially your neice! Your brother is a "user" for lack of a better term....he manipulates your parents, because he can, they are "enablers", and he does and spends as he pleases because he does not know anything about consequences.....if for just one time they said NO to him, he would have to physically get his butt out and make enough money to cover his bills...and that would be a good thing......you don't state your age- I assume under 20, or around that number. The best thing you can do is get out of that house-- go to school--if you have a job--find a place you can afford on your own--you need to become independent otherwise you will be a victim of your brother's addictive monetary needs for the rest of your life...and when your parents are gone--and let's face it, it will happen some day---you will be next in line for the gravy train for your brother---. His violent behavior should be brought to the attention of child services--it may be that your parents can get full custody of your neice- benefit from the tax break of supporting her, and your brother can be on his own....

You will NEVER have your own life as long as you are living with this scenario and since he already set the pattern of abuse of you and your parents, He will never change!!! Go to a mental health clinic in your area-- they are confidential and get their mental support that you need--IT'S FREE. Turn your brother into the authorities---he needs to be- he's not a father-- he is not even a caregiver to her, your parents are, and in HER best interest, this needs to be addressed ASAP.

HIS LIFE, HIS MISTAKES - NOT YOUR PROBLEM-- you need help to have this sink into your head and get on with your life........god bless..........you will find happiness---the minute you walk out that door after you called the authorities on your brother........

Answer 2

Things are not great in your family but you can only let yourself worry about what you can do. This situation is not your fault.
You know that your parents are not helping your brother by giving him money. You suspect drug use and it is probably true.
Your parents can petition the court for custody of the child, and get a restraining order against their son, but that is up to them and not your worry. When things become violent, you must leave and if possibly take your niece with you. Do you have a relative or friend who knows the situation and would let you stay with them.
It is not good for you to be in a violent household. Contact your school counselor and explain the situation. Something needs to be done to protect you and your niece. Good luck to you.

Answer 3

No fun. You are right. Not happy. Every town and city have a violence hot line 24 hours a day. If your town is too small you can call a larger town for advice. My friend gives workshops at one such place. Get a friend to go with you. It helps to not be alone. But if no friend s will go then just go. Several of my friends made a pact when we were growing up and we all moved in together to get away from violence and to support each other. One of us is a school principal, another a Baptist Minister and I am a physical rehabilitation specialist. Get yourself or the violent person help or gone.

Answer 4

I know it can be hard to be hapoy when you are trying to base your happiness on something that is not going to happen.
Perhaps someday your brother will get his life straightened out, perhaps someday he will get off drugs and learn to be financially responsible...but you cannot make that happen.
I know this can be extremely frustrating - there are many people who can tell you about brothers who have mended their ways...as well as brothers they have lost forever.
For now, you need to find the sources of happiness in your life and leave the unhappy things to their own path. You can pray about them, if that is your faith, but you cannot control your brother or your parents. You just need to love the part of them that you can.
We all create ourselves with each passing day, so we are each like a painting in the museum. You need to look for the beauty you can find in your brother, your neice and your parents, and leave the rest to the painter.
Your happiness, though, can come from an unlimited supply of things you are not looking at right now. You need to see the beauty in your home, your neighborhood, your friends, your town. You should try to list 5 things that are good in your life each morning - it might be your mom's noodle casserole even or something sillier - but we can all find 5 things. Each day you should review those things and think of five more. Look around you - the world screams out in a thousand small ways to make you happy each day! The sun on the dew in the cob webs, the pretty color of the pots on your neighbors porch, the nice old woman at the store check-out who is always smiling, the taste of fruit, your favorite bowl at dinner.
Sometimes we expect - not too much happiness - but we expect a happiness that is bigger and grander than happiness is.
You can never be happy with what you do not have - you need to find happiness in what the world has given you. The world has brought your neice into your home, find joy in her.

Answer 5

Sometimes in life you have to practice tough love that's what has to be done by your parents. I know you love your parents and deep down you love your brother but he needs to fall and your parents need to let him pick himself back up. I fear for the safety of your family with everything i read and see on the news violence and murder against family's is on the rise. please don't be a statistic get him some help before its to late. try looking into some intervention programs in your city and see if that resource is available to you. start making a paper trail(report every violent incidents) so that the police in your town know how serious this situation is. make sure that you involve your fellow neighbors so that they can call the police when you cant. i don't know how old you are but this should not be your burden to bare alone, always know that there is help for you just don't be afraid or ashamed to ask for it. you need peace, love and a lot of understanding people who can help you. keep your eyes above the stars and know that this life has joy to give to you reach for it and it will be yours.

Answer 6

Its not unhappiness or unwillingness to be happy. You are going through a lot. I personally would document what he is doing and how he doesn't see the child. If you are of legal age and can support this child I would go for custody of her. Its a hard thing to deal with and I admire your strength and so does your niece.

We can't choose the hand we are dealt but we sure can play them to our benefit. Maybe talking to a counselor or discussing this with your parents. Instead of going to them with a problem maybe going to them with a solution. I am sorry you, your family and your sweet precious niece have to go through this.

But this journey believe it or not is making you the person God intended you to be. You see the injustice of this and maybe this will inspire you to become a social worker or figure out to make sure glitches don't happen in the system like this, or perhaps treatment for drug addicted patents who have full custody.

I believe in you and so does your niece. Keep your head held high so you may never see the shadows, this too shall pass my friend. You made me happy, that you for expressing how you feel that is the first step. I know you will make a difference for your niece.

Answer 7

Happiness is a choice. You can chose to be Happy or Miserable. Nobody else can do it for you. Everyone can contribute in ways to help you make the choice but only YOU can make the final choice.

Ever heard of P O L I C E and telephone? Use them.

Call the police next time he starts his temper tantrums. They know what to do. Don't just feel for him ..... file an official complaint, get a restraining order to keep him away from your address.

Same goes for his ex-B*itch. Get a restraining order on her too. That'll give you some peace and quietness.

By the way, how old are you? Under 21? If over 21 why are you still living at home?

Answer 8

You definitly should seek professional help for your feelings. and try to suggest this to the rest of your family. If you've tried several times to get them to seek family cousiling with you, maybe calling child protective services on him or maybe you or your parents should petition the court for full custody of the child since he's taking care of the baby at all. You could also call the cops if you feel he physically has drugs right that very moment.

Answer 9

I consistently say Merry Christmas and satisfied New 300 and sixty 5 days and if somebody says to me satisfied trip trips I in simple terms smile at them and say thank you and that i'm hoping you have a very Merry Christmas and satisfied New 300 and sixty 5 days too!

Answer 10

he sounds like a big toddler. the most important thing you need to worry about is the child. get her out of there. go to court or watever or call dcfs. things could get ugly and you dont want your niece to grow up under those condtions. then after the girl is safe, get him help. he needs it. send him to rehab or conseling. even though ur parents try, if they let him get his way, hes not gonna change. you have to take control. you have to be the parents for him. dont let this become another jerry springer segment.



never mind about all that b/c from reading everyone elses answers, you seem to young to have to deal with this. you need to talk to someone and dont let his troubles overcome your life, but you also cant leave hm or your niece like that