A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
2007-12-27 16:22:28 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
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On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear, " replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "And if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"
2007-12-27 16:23:37 · update #1
MY FAVORITE JOKE EVER!♥~
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."
The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
2007-12-27 16:24:49 · update #2
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the ***** in the kitchen."
2007-12-27 16:25:51 · update #3
MERCEDES::::
The little boy wasn't supposed to use 'naughty' words and he called his mom a *****.
If you still don't get it... just tell me....
2007-12-27 16:32:19 · update #4
Justin H:::
SECOND posting? I already posted this...... I copied it from myself!
2007-12-27 16:47:31 · update #5
LOL. All Good Ones....and Jokes ARE for Sharing; or else, What's the Purpose?! LOL.
Joke On, My Girl! LOL.
2007-12-27 23:29:30 · answer #1 · answered by jfmm 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NICE
these are rly good haaha i think the ex-convict is best...
sweet revenge...karmas a b*tch
2007-12-28 00:42:00 · answer #2 · answered by vlyplyr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've heard the first before, and the 3rd was funny.
2007-12-28 00:34:30 · answer #3 · answered by discombobulated girl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Funny, I liked the 2nd one best. Didn't get it at first, then I laughed my head off ! :]
2007-12-28 13:43:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hee hee Nice
2007-12-28 04:34:10 · answer #5 · answered by Gemma M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nice try copying. copy and paste is the most powerful key in a computer isn't it. Can't give you star for something that's not rightfully yours.
2007-12-28 00:51:14 · answer #6 · answered by YooH8M3? 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
I have read the first joke somewhere else.... but it was funny...
2007-12-28 01:03:46 · answer #7 · answered by karlo de guzman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You copied the WHOLE thing off someone else! The last one wasn't even your favorite one! It was someone else's!
2007-12-28 00:43:37 · answer #8 · answered by Justin H 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Hahaha! How funny! lol
OK, star for you!
2007-12-28 00:38:56 · answer #9 · answered by Curious Taka 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ha ha ha star
2007-12-28 00:33:53 · answer #10 · answered by kalai 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋