He says I'm taking away his parental right, I say it's time for a divorce? What do I do?

Question

I have a son with my husband of 2 years, we are expecting our second child in Feb and are excited, our first son is only 11 months old. So heres the problem. I have never considered myself to be a religious person, infact I consider myself to be quite against it. I don't try to force my ways on others but my husband was the same way until he went to jail and started to go to bible study for something to do. Now he talks about introducing this new found religion to our boys and i'm very much against it. He said as the father he should be able to decide. He brings up the fact that I was raised Catholic and even went to catholic school. I don't where I got this hate for god I just do and now we are constantly fighting and I'm ready to get a divorce. I don't think thats the right option though, my vows said for better or worse and he is the father I just don't know what to do about the church thing. Can anyone help me out with this? I'm not going to accept god so please don't suggest that.

Since he was in jail for the 8 months of our first son's life we came to an agreement that Sean (our son) is 'my' boy, not to pick favorites but he wasn't around to raise him so i feel I have more rights to him but our new baby he will be there for so he came up with an idea of just taking the new baby and me raising Sean how I want. I don't like this either because then it's like having 2 different families and I don't want to tear my family apart that is never my intention. I'm just very angry with God and not willing to get past it any time soon. He says god is the one who gave me my little boy and that really pisses me off because I didn't see god in the delivery room having my child I did and it makes me think he thanks god more then me for my work? I just can't handle this anymore. I feel petty and wrong and stupid but I'm too damn stubborn to change.

Answer 1

Divorce is never the answer.

If you want a Christian's point of view, your husband should lead (not dictate) but lead your spirit.

Answer 2

Seems to me whether or not religion is introduced to your children is the least of your marriage issues..

Seek marriage counseling so both you and your husband can learn how better to work together, compromise and communicate ... Even if the marriage doesn't continue you and your husband can use the skills learned in counseling to successfully co-parent your children...

My ex-husband and I attended marriage counseling as a last ditch effort to save our marriage.. We went into it bitter enemies ready for blood sport we left friends able to co-parent our children and accept that our lives had taken different courses and we were both better people separate than together...

Your husband introducing religion to your children isn't the worst thing in the world.. Balance his religious view with your own views, introduce other views and give your children a well rounded perspective of what people around the world believe then let them decide for themselves when they are old enough (teenage years)...

You will need to take a good look at your views and why you have them as your children will ask very pointed questions and need honest answers.. Yet again that's not a bad thing either, you should know why you have such strong feelings in religion.. Understand ones feelings and the causes of those feelings is the first step to reconciling the feelings and moving forward..

Answer 3

I have issues with my husband too on religious stand points, but we have learned to meet in the middle. So you don't believe in God, what is the big deal about him wanting to introduce your children to christianity/religion? Really what harm can it do? You are right, this petty fight is not worth divorcing on, but this is a battle that you cannot win. You have to compromise. Relationships are not one sided, my friend. Relationships are like team work. It takes both players to make it work. Yes, you feel resentful because he was gone, but you need to forgive and forget and it seems he is here now and wants to make things right, you can't hold that against him. People make mistakes and people change, if you hold this grudge against him, then it will tear your family apart. Let it go and leave the past where it belongs......in the past.

Answer 4

That's a tough situation. And I don't think you hate "god" I think you have a problem with some religious zealots who have creped you out in the past. That's normal. And I don't like the part where you mentioned that he said as the father he should decide. He is no more their parent than you. Just b/c he is "the man" doesn't give him any more right to decide how your children are raised than you do. I cannot stand this idea that females should be submissive. Screw that. It should be a mutual decision and both parties should be willing to compromise.

I think his reasons for converting to Christianity are a little iffy. It feels to me like he isn't really Christian but just one of those people who "found god" out of fear. That's always a tenuous situation... and I fear that he will become more and more forceful if you give him any leeway with this. But you know him better than any of us obviously. You know his temperament. If you are comfortable with it why not allow him to introduce Christianity to your boys.. but remember you'll be there also to give them a view of the other side of things. He can show them what he believes but you can also show them and explain to them what you believe and why. Maybe this way they can later decide what feels right for them.

I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 5

It seems that neither of you want to compromise. He is not forcing his beliefs on you but wants to share them with his children. You seem to have no beliefs which in itself is sad but that is your choice. There are many advantages for taking children to a church. 1. they learn moral values which this world is presently sadly lacking in. 2, they learn about early history through the bible but it is still history. You may not believe in God but how do you think all the worlds,solar systems, people, animals, plants got here. Where did all this come from? People need to believe in something. It gives them hope and strength to go on during hard times. Would you deny your children hope and strength to help prepare them for a dificult future in a world full of turmoil? When it comes down to it wether your children go to church now or not, once they reach an age to make their own decisions , they will choose to continue going to church or decide it is not for them. But give them the oportunity to see both sides so that they can choose one or the other. This is not a desision only 1 parent should make. Both need to come to an understanding on this. You went to church as a child and somewhere along the line something turned you off to church well how about giving your children the same option you had. Nobody said you had to go also. If your husband was in jail for something and he learned some things about religion this may just be what he needed to keep him from going back a second time. So I would say this did him some good. If he doesn't preach his beliefs to you what harm is there in letting him take the kids with him?

Answer 6

First I'm praying for you. Next your divorcing him because he wants to bring religion to your childs life? That doesnt' seem like a good reason. You guys should talk about it again. I hate to say it but just like your rejected God your child (if he feels like he wants to) can do the same. I think your issues with religion are blinding you from the real issue. Did something happen at your school? Too many hypocritics in your life? Something is tugging at your heart and your taking it out on your husband. It's time to rethink this whole thing.

Answer 7

As a mother of 2 boys from my first marriage my suggestion would be, do allow your kids to be brought up with morals and values. However as to letting the kids decide ... while in theory is a good idea... do as I say and not as I do...can lead to more problems and will come up as it has in my second marriage. You'll have to at some point decide weather your hatred for God is detrimental to your children's beliefs....it's nice thought allowing them the choose for themselves the problem is as they get older they will wonder why mommy hates God and you as a good parent will either tell them the truth and possibly cause irreparable damage to their well-being or take a good long look inward.
In the end the choice is yours but as you say you take your vows seriously
I will pray for you and your family
Bjornstad Clan

Answer 8

I don't think its time for a divorce over this if you still love your husband. There has to be a meeting in the middle somewhere. However, I don't think you have to put up with "as the father he should be able to decide". That's pure B.S. How about you birthed the child so you have the final word?
You both don't have to have the same views to have a happy marriage. Many couples disagree on things but somehow work it out.

Answer 9

Two ways to do this 1) do not have any communication with him for a period of 6 months to 1 years then you can apply under the abandonment law and do a step parent adoption Or 2) get married, new husband wants to adopt and your ex agrees to sign his rights over

Answer 10

Marriage is all about compromise, and this is no exception.

While I sympathize with your feelings, you BOTH have a parental right to instruct your children.

This means that you need to sit down with each other and agree to disagree. You should both be able to offer your viewpoints to your children, without either of you pressuring them to accept one or the other.

In other words, use phrases like, "I think there is a god," rather than, "There is a god."

This not only tells the children that you respect each other, it also tells them that you respect them and think enough of them that you are willing to let them make up their own minds.

Teach them how to think, not what to think.

Whether you get divorced or not, this will remain a problem until you and your husband sit down and come to a compromise.

I hope that he is willing, and that you are also willing to rise above your differences and put the kids first - not only ahead of yourselves, but ahead of each spouse's opinions on religion.

Counseling might be a good idea, not only to help you come to a compromise, but also because of these ideas you both seem to have about one son belonging to each of you more than the other. Even if this attitude is never spoken of in front of your children, they will pick up on it. You can be sure of that. Both of you have got to get past that with a quickness.

Answer 11

i would first ask: why do you hate God?
if you have a valid reason, then go to your husband and try to talk it out.
tell him you think that your children should have options... that they shouldnt be forced into anything.
try to remember though, that religion brings out the best and worst in people. it is a very delicate subject and must be dealt with as such/