Hey guys.. I have a bf.. and I have close guy friends.. I express myself by being friendly and telling people that I love them when they are close to me. The term obviously holds a different meaning when I say it to diff ppl.. but my bf seems to get jealous that I am saying this to my guy friends. He says that it hurts him because love is a strong word an should not be used so loosely. He is not a controlling guy, he treats me very well. This is about the only thing we butt heads on. He told me that he would never ask me to end these friendships but to have respect for him. I don't completely agree because I care about my friends and I know that there is no potential between me and these ppl. I think he is a tad threatened because some of these guys do have a bit of a thing for me but I would never let them act on it. I would end the friendship asap. Please help me. He feels SO strongly about this.
2007-12-27 15:40:46 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
i agree with your boyfriend, dont throw that term around it holds a lot of meaning...
2007-12-27 15:43:42 · answer #1 · answered by Johnny M 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I can see where he would be threatened by the "love" you have for your friends. It seems like he may have been burned in the past, and is protecting his emotions because he's scared that someone he cares about will end up burning him again. I think it's important to be completely honest in relationships and tell your bf/gf exactly how you feel about certain situations.
Having said that, I don't think you should jeporadize your friendships because friends will be there for you through many relationships, and a really good man will understand the "love" you have for those that are close to you.
2007-12-27 23:45:48 · answer #2 · answered by Michael 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had the same problem that you are having, But though you are saying " I Love You" to your other guy friends maybe he is feeling that the respect between you to & your guy friends is not were it should be, U should respect his decision that it hurts him when you tell other guys that u love them because the only difference between friends and bf is Bliss,
-In my opinion it hurts when gf tell their guy friends that they love them because ur guy friends do hold somewhat of an opinion and ppl do listen to there friends. And bf are there to fill a void.
~Mitchell
2007-12-27 23:56:29 · answer #3 · answered by Mitchell 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I thoroughly understand your dilemma. I was faced with the same type situation previously. My feelings are that you have to stand your ground. Have another sincere talk with him and try very hard to make him understand once more. Let him know how important it is to trust and have faith in the strength of what the two of you have. Your past together should verify your status.
It is very important for you to be yourself...just as it is for him to be who he is. Criticizing or asking you to change because of his insecurity is simply not fair. Even if you did, it would not change anything. Ask him to really think about what he is asking. If he can overcome this, not only would it boost his self-confidence, it will also strengthen your relationship.
Good luck to you both.
2007-12-28 00:04:06 · answer #4 · answered by Robere 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would not bother me.
"I love you." is just another cliche phrase that everyone seems to be throwing around these days. It's not very strong at all, IMO. So, there you have it.
Tell him to stop being such a wuss and to stop being so insecure...wait, don't tell him that. But you would be honest if you did.
EDIT: To somewhat change my first point: It kind of depends on whether it's flirtious or not. Because your guy friends could take it the wrong way and if that's the case (it can happen), I kind of agree with your boyfriend. It depends I guess.
2007-12-27 23:47:06 · answer #5 · answered by LaissezFaire 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
it all depends on how you define love. to some, it may mean that you want to fit with another person as though you two were matching puzzle pieces, if ya know what i mean!!!! or it could mean that you simply care for them like your goldfish grover... hopefully in a non-puzzle-ish way.
JK
it all depends on how you define love. is it you finding your missing piece? your souls counterpart? the opposite charge of the magnet coming together with a bang... genteleman... if ya know what i mean... but anyways, lets delete that last line and continue... is it like a shock of electricity running through your body, jolting you into awkadeness, (not a naked-ness), is it like a tornado, destroying everything you know, but still being the cause of you building up a new lifestyle. but its deep, so love only seems retarded. is love really hate in disguise? people say that love and hate are brothers. the exact opposite, but still the same when it comes down to it. (not that it).
so anyways. if i were you, i'd stop saying i love you to your friends and just say that you appreciate them. good luck!
2007-12-27 23:52:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, I know first hand how he feels. Trust me on this, just find other words. Trust Trust Trust me. lol. I'm not even kidding, unless you want to give him just a slight reason to doubt a little bit. If it bothers him, respect the fact you 2 are in a commitment, know how he feels about that word, and know that if you use it, he's getting the impersonation that the way he would use the word is being used here.
2007-12-27 23:45:41 · answer #7 · answered by tldarktemplarlt 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might ask yourself why you need so badly to tell these male friends who crush on you, that you "love" them.
If the word really isn't that meaningful to you, then it should be a reasonable compromise not to use that word except in a familial or romantic sense (i.e.,to family or exclusive boyfriend only). You can still tell your friends that they mean a lot to you, without using such a charged word.
If it's is that meaningful to you, then I would agree with him, he has something to worry about.
2007-12-27 23:46:48 · answer #8 · answered by Katie W 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hiya how are you...he seems to be a really good guy then and i dont think its about having to bend your will to meet his...i am sure he is looking traditionally at this and i tell you what i respect that...i also believe your position because your situation sounds genuine to me...the word love is a strong incantation of that he is rite...however you can rightly say that you love your friends...what do you do? show your friends your love and be the love of your b/f life...it will all come together when tempered with reason...
2007-12-27 23:56:23 · answer #9 · answered by mosensefton 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can look at this either way - you can respect his feelings, and figure that your flirting with these people in this way is really not appropriate. Or, you can break up with him, and you can figure that you're not even going to remember his name 10 years from now anyway, so why worry about his feelings?
What you shouldn't do is insist on hurting him. That's just silly. Why on earth do you care about this? It's obvious why he cares, but why would you care?
2007-12-27 23:46:40 · answer #10 · answered by Firebird 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he has a valid point, love is a very strong word to use when you are talking about friends, some of your friends may consider that you saying that you love them is a sign you want more than friendship.
2007-12-27 23:44:24 · answer #11 · answered by Very happily married. 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋