To those that have attempted suicide...?

Question

I recently have had a loved one commit suicide and it is so unbelievably devastating. I am trying to piece things together.

I guess what I want to know is what were you thinking of right before you did it? Did you think of loved ones and how it would effect them? Would you say that your mind was working rationally or clearly? How long before you knew you were going to do it and when you actually made the attempt? DId you write a note? Why or why not?

P.S. Please do not respond with insensitive, sarcastic answers. I am truly going through a terrible time and am just seeking clarity. Thanks

Answer 1

I am really sorry about your loss. My brother committed suicide and I also attempted suicide. If there's one bit of advice I'd give you it's to please stop torturing yourself with guilt and trying to figure out how he/she was feeling. I read the other day of a boy who committed suicide and the grief counselor told the family to treat it as they would if the boy had died in an accident because no one is at fault. From my own experience I would say that leading up to my decision, I was sick of dealing with bipolar disorder that was not treated properly and I was going in and out of the hospital. I felt as though there was no hope of a normal life and I was sick of torturing my mom and dad by going in and out. When I made the decision, it felt good. It was as if I had a purpose. I did think of loved ones and how it would affect them and that was the worst part because I didn't want to hurt them, but I was also sick of hurting them by being sick. No, I wasn't rational. I thought everyone would be better off without me even though I knew how devastating my brother's death was. There was a period of six or seven days that I had to really come to terms with what I was going to do and in that time I made peace (I thought) with God and the world. I didn't write a note because I thought that it was obvious that what I was doing was better for everyone. It wasn't something I did in anger to get back at anyone. It was aimed at myself and my own pain and I couldn't explain it on paper so that anyone could understand. I've known a lot of people who have both attempted suicide and completed it. It's a devastating act that affects so many people. I'm so very sorry about your loss. It's hard to lose someone you love, but when it's suicide there's the added pain of why? and guilt and all the additional layers.

Answer 2

When I attempted suicide I was in a personal hell. I was not thinking about my friends or family. I can honestly say I was hurting so bad that what would have been gone through by loved ones did not matter in my pain filled haze. Also, the decision to commit suicide came on so quick that there were no warning signs for family to have picked up on and, no I did not write a note. When I actually decided to do it I just did. There was no waiting period. At that point I had been suffering severe depression for quite some time and when the "solution" was reached I just acted. I was only 17 and although I am now 30 I can still see how it can be that easy to do.

I am truly sorry for your loss. I do not know if this makes any difference, but I have been once again in my life very depressed. I have been contemplating suicide. My husband is even aware of this. Reading your question and a bit of what you are going through is making me consider getting into the hospital. Thank you more than you know.

Answer 3

I'm very sorry this happened to you. A friend in high school and my brother-in-law both committed suicide and it was devastating. I have also attempted it, luckily with no success.
I can only speak for myself and tell you that I suffered from severe clinical depression for many years, and the times I attempted suicide I was certaily not thinking clearly. I was feeling utter despair, I saw no other way out of my pain, and I thought everyone would be better off without me. I've heard this from others as well. I didn't plan my attempts but suicide was on my mind much of the time leading up to them. I never wrote a note. I think I just didn't know what to say.
I hope this helps a little.

Answer 4

The thing you should think about before all the questions pop into your mind is that had to go through some pretty hard things to commit suicide. I would always tell people that when ever someone would die u would hear people say that they are not in pain anymore well when someone commits suicide they are leaving behind all their pain and are happy again. Even though the last thing that goes through your mind before u do it is ur family u think about how happy your going to be without going through all that pain all the time. So the thing you have to remember is they did it for a reason and it was probably to get away from whatever was going on in their life.
Hope that helps!

Answer 5

Hi--I am sorry for your loss. I have tried to committ suicide many times. I have depression & social anxiety. Right b4 I did it, I was thinking about how happy I would be. I was thinking about how I wouldn't have anxiety anymore. I was also thinking about if it was going to work, and how my familys reaction would be. Yes, I thought of loved ones a lot. I told myself though that I don't have to worry about them b/c they influenced me alot unfortunately. They pushed me over the edge. I was worried, leaving my best friend behind...my dog, but kept reassuring myself that everything will be ok once in heaven & that God will take care of everything. Yes, my mind was rational at the time. I wanted to end life. If I went more into challenging my thoughts (now) I guess It is long term results for short term problems. So I don't know if that is rational that came to me back then or not. I usually make the atempts when I go to bed, atleast when my parents think I do. I have written notes a few times, but If I were to do it today, I wouldn't b/c I would feel bad for my family and I couldn't put it all down on paper. I still think about it to this day, sadly. I would also think If I would be missed & what my family's reactions were going to be like. I would worry that my papa would have a heart attack or something bad would happen, so I stopped.

Answer 6

Well you have to understand why she attempted suicide. It has become popular for teenagers to "attempt suicide" but really they are seeking attention. She really could have attempted suicide and just been in a down moment. People can change. That's like asking if you should date someone who cheated? Will they cheat again? You never know what a person is capable of but you should enjoy moment while you can. You and her will only live once. Nothing can be blamed on you, she needs to find strength within herself and love and understand herself.

Answer 7

A few years ago a family member of mine killed himself. He had tried it a few times before. The last time he hurt himself so bad there was no surviving.
As for his state of mind. He had let it be known that he didn't feel like living. In his case the person he believed to love him and that he trusted to be his best friend. Betrayed him. Was very cruel to him. They were married. She worked at his same place of employment. Everyone knew.. She had been cheating on him for a long time. Finally she kicked him out and brought the other guy.. She made his life hell. She didn't want him but when she needed favors cars money she called on him. She would also have sex with him once in awhile while all this went on. So he never bothered checking out other women. They had kids.
Family had tried to talk him into his senses. He refused to give up on her. And gave up on himself. I and my family only wish that he had killed her before he did himself. He is dead and that dog of a woman is around as if nothing.
When a person is going through a state of mind that they no longer care to live. They are never thinking clearly. Had they been able to think clearly and rationalize things. They would see that tomorrow is another day. With other beginings.
What ever problem has them upset be it big or small to their thinking it can't be resolved. To them they see death as a way out of the misery they are living. If they are non believers they don't even have that to console them. They feel and think there is no hope.

Answer 8

I guess what I want to know is what were you thinking of right before you did it? I was thinking about how relieved I was going to be when I was out of my miserable life.

Did you think of loved ones and how it would affect them? No, I didn't....because my mind wasn't working rationally.

How long before you knew you were going to do it and when you actually made the attempt? Not long. Once I devised my plan it didn't take long to put it into action.

DId you write a note? Yes, I wrote a general note saying that the reason I did it was because of a family member who had been hurting me my whole life. I figured people that knew me would know why I did it, but I didn't want to leave any doubts in their minds.

I'm glad I didn't succeed because once I was thinking rationally I realized that I didn't want to die, I just didn't want to live in misery anymore, and it is possible to not live in misery. I'm also glad I lived because my mom would have been devastated, and had I been thinking rationally I would have taken that into account before I made the attempt on my life.

Answer 9

I am so sorry for your loss, Brooke.

People who commit suicide are NOT thinking clearly. Depression has profoundly effected them cognitively by that point. The only thoughts on their minds are typically that there is no other way to end their pain other than to end their lives. Many think that they are actually doing a service to their families, because they feel like worthless burdens.

The vast majority do not take their lives for the purpose of "getting back" at anyone, and do not desire to inflict harm. Sadly, the effects are long reaching, and those they leave behind suffer more than they could possibly imagine.

Again, so very sorry for your loss,
~M~

Answer 10

As someone who has been suicidal a number of times and stopped just prior to an attempt, I can tell you that when someone is thinking of taking their own life, they are rarely rational. All they can see is the problem and that there is no solution. Sometimes they can't see past their own pain to think of what their death will do to others around them.

I suggest that you stop trying to rationalize this person's actions, there probably was no rationallity to it. Instead, work on accepting what has happened and getting on with your life.

Seeing a solution to your problem for someone who is depressed and suicidal is similar to trying to read red print while wearing red colored glasses. While the print may be obvious to someone not wearing the glasses, the person who is wearing them cannot see it.

I'm sorry for your loss and I hope that I have been able to help some.

Unfortunately, wounds like this take time to heal.