Dad is 43. Girlfriend is 37. Child is 12. Dad and girlfriend have been dating more than a year. Girlfriend and child get along very well, but child's mom is very jealous and tells Dad that son is angry about Dad's girlfriend.
2007-12-27 13:46:24 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
The dad needs to talk to all of them together and let the air out. If the child dislikes the girlfriend but acts like they adore them in person than it could be the mother who has the problem. It needs to be aired out and known what the issues are. They need to have the ground rules taken care of now, just in case the father decides to marry her. Because it will get messy in the end and hurt many people when it could have been solved now. Talk talk talk.....
2007-12-27 13:51:00 · answer #1 · answered by bibbyplayer 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
At this time, you could make suggestions if you feel the child's life or future is in danger. Such as, if the child is spending more time playing ps2 than studying and his grades are dropping, then you could suggest to dad that he make some kind of rule about doing homework before games. If you are left in charge of the child without the dad around, then you have the role more of a babysitter and can do no more than what is allowed by dad. In a broken home, a child has two set of rules in each household. However, you have no right to implement such a rule on your own, as, he isn't your son. If you and dad love each other, things will work out. Mom might be jealous, but, the child is the truth. You, dad, and son should have a talk about how he really feels. Never ever say something to demean the mom.
2007-12-27 21:58:07 · answer #2 · answered by jennifer c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough one. You can't get too involved until you are officially in that child's life forever and you are still a girlfriend. Although you may feel like a solid part of the family unit, you still are not. No matter what. Once you are a married couple, you will be able to have more of a say in how the child behaves in your home, how the child is reprimanded and punished, and what financial decisions are made regarding the child. However, you will always have to be "quieter" one when it comes to this child. The child is already 12 and will probably not listen to you anyway.
Of course the mom will tell the Dad bad things in regard to you, however the truth always comes out in the end and if you play it cool and supportive of your man, the Mom will look like a liar and a manipulter. Maybe not right away, but it will come out.
2007-12-27 21:56:11 · answer #3 · answered by Rachel M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hello,
Sounds like a fun situation that I have been through before, even with grandkids.
The girlfriend has a say in what he does. In every facet of the life only if it is a serious relationship.
Mom is jealous, well mom needs to grow up. Just because someone is a parent, does not mean the parent is ready for such drama. Parents are very protective of there children.
Just be happy the father takes part of the child's life. He must of laid the law down with the girlfriend or they would not be together. Kids come first then adult relationships.....
2007-12-27 21:53:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could be that the child shows loyalty in front of mum and loyalty in front of dad, it's a shame that son is caught in the middle. My daughter got on very well with dads new wife and I was pleased to know that a lady who had never been a mother took on that role and cared for my child even though it was only a part-time role. It would have been a lot worse for all of us if the new wife had resented my daughter or vice versa. Maybe the ex will settle down once she realises the new girlfriend is a treasure to have in her sons life.
2007-12-27 21:55:29 · answer #5 · answered by OzDonna 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NEVER...she can never be his mom ...she can be part of his life and provide guidance. but it's the dads duty to be the parent , the kid will resent her and pull away from their good relationship if she starts to take on his moms role......The only time she should haves a say in the raising of the child is if the child is being hurt by the father or the real mother while they are parenting the child then she should interject...
2007-12-27 21:55:08 · answer #6 · answered by Kel Bee 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The girlfriend should have no say in how the man raises his kid. None of her business. They're only dating. She should remain out of it. However, the g/f should spend some time talking to the son and building her own relationship with the son on their own terms. Son's mother should stop interfering in that relationship. Only the son will suffer. I dunno why some women insist on being evil about this. Dad needs to put the mother on notice that her B.S. won't be tolerated and that it has a damaging affect on the kid. If she loves her kid, she won't mess with child's head.
2007-12-27 21:54:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband & I just took a marriage class at church. We're also a part of a marriage support group at church. So, from the scriptural lessons we're learning I'll tell you what we've already learned.
Your girlfriend can tell you her opinion. She can say how she feels, give you loving advice, and be supportive of you. But, she has absolutely no right telling you how to raise your child.
Regarding your ex-wife. She has absolutely no right to tell you who you can and cannot date. If your girlfriend's sleeping with you in your home, that's wrong. It's giving your child a totally wrong example, moral values and the impression that living together is perfectly fine.
But, unless YOU let your ex-wife manipulate you into raising your child only her way, you should be able to tell her (in a kind way of course) to get bent. Back off. Your life is your life and she has absolutely no say in what goes on inside your home (unless of course your child is being abused in any way).
Also, sit down with your child alone, and have a heart to heart talk with him. Find out where he's coming from. Don't give your opinions, don't cut his mother down under any cercumstances, and just listen to him. Be compassionate and understanding. Seek to find out, gently, just how he feels about your girlfriend and your relationship with her. Kids need to let their feelings out.
Don't be surprised if you find out your ex wife has been questioning him and trying to put her thoughts into his mind. Reassure your son that he's the most important person in your life. Until the day you get married, your son should come first above and beyond every human being on this planet.
Hope this helps.
2007-12-27 22:41:31 · answer #8 · answered by Barb D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorced situations are ALWAYS tough on kids. Sounds like the mom needs to chill and the girlfriend needs to not "appear" to have much imput to keep the peace. Everyone just needs to love the child and keep the child's best interest in mind.
2007-12-27 21:52:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think the ex is jealous and is trying to create problems.The gf should not have the right to discipline his child as they are not married.Even a judge will tell you that.I think I would worry about the ex more than the child as you get along with him.You may suggest things to the father of what to do but legally you have no right.
2007-12-27 21:56:51 · answer #10 · answered by mamaw2305 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋