help with sex please!?

Question

ok well, im not a virgin but i gave up sex and its been about 3 yrs or so since i have had sex and im thinking about starting to have sex again with my boyfriend, but im really nervous since its been a long time and hes a virgin. but im mostly afraid that its going to hurt, i think my vaginal wall is really small or something because even when i was having sex and i quit for a little bit , it would hurt and bleed a bit the next time i had sex, how do i well...loosen myself up so i wont hurt again or bleed again?

thats y i want to cause i think hes the right guy ? it doesnt matter cause its gonna hurt anyway! haha, im like rly tight

im 17, i cant really buy any toys

Answer 1

Sex shouldn't hurt at all with the exception of your first time, if your hymen was never broken, there might be some pain from breaking it. Otherwise, if sex hurts - especially after your first time - it's because he doesn't know what he's doing.

So if he doesn't know, you have to learn how, then tell and show him what to do so he doesn't hurt you.

I'll combine some comments from various answers I've posted here before in an attempt to help you understand.

First, you have to be relaxed and prepared for it. That means he has to have performed foreplay ("making out") with you in order to allow your vagina to lubricate so his penis can slide easily inside of you. If you're not sure you'll be well lubricated, you may want to carry a tube of some non-oil lubricant like K-Y or something that doesn't use a petroleum base (because things like baby oil or Vaseline can eat holes in condoms.)

Second, you need time to relax and be ready for a man to get inside of you. If you're really tense it can cause problems because your body will be resisting the pressure of his penis when it slides inside you and that could hurt. If you relax your arm and someone pushes against it, it will move a bit. If you tense your arm and hold it tight against your side, it's not going to move much. Same thing applies to the inside of your vagina.

You could be extremely tight or nervous and not able to adequately relax to allow your vagina to easily accept a penis; this is going to also cause a problem.

Third, your boyfriend needs to stimulate you properly through foreplay, in order to get your vagina to lubricate adequately. If you aren't lubricated, when he enters you his penis won't slide easily inside you and the act may hurt. No, correction, it will hurt.

Fourth, if he's very vigorous during sex he can pound you too hard, for example, if his penis strikes the cervix at the very bottom of the vagina, this can be very painful.

Fifth, presuming he used condoms, it can help if they are also lubricated. Some women don't lubricate a lot and if they don't it is possible they can become "dry" during sex and thus it will hurt. Consider how your tongue feels if it gets dried out.

Sixth, if you're not used to something inside your vagina, it can be uncomfortable and if he's not easy, again, vigorous thrusting can be painful. This is usually only applicable to a woman on her first intercourse or for a few times after first intercourse, but if you haven't had sex for a while this may also be a potential problem. If you go back to regular vaginal intercourse this will pass if it does happen.

Seventh, only about 30% of women can achieve orgasm through vaginal intercourse; they need either fingering or oral sex to obtain pleasure

If you have a tense, dry vagina and a man who rams his penis into you and pounds you like a drilling rig, hell yes it's going to hurt, it's damn near rape. On the other hand, if you have a relaxed, lubricated vagina and a man who is tender and patient, and does things in a caring manner, it shouldn't hurt at all and should feel great!

The main things are to make sure you're adequately lubricated and that you've relaxed. Be sure he's willing to do this slow and easy and there's a very good chance it shouldn't hurt at all, and it will probably be a lot of fun. For both of you.

There are ways to try to make it less painful or for him to make it more pleasurable for you; see some of my prior answers below.

Answer 2

Wow, not surprised about some of the already posted immature answers... but...

What will probably happen is that due to not having sex for a while, you are most likely to have either resealed or just the simple matter of getting smaller/ back to original size due to not having sex...

Now, what can you do about it:

There are several options that you can do to try to solve this problem if it is a simple one... First thing you need to do is relax... The number one problem that your going to have is not the actual fact that it is tight and will hurt, is the fact you think that it is tight and will hurt.... I know of some cases where it's just the fact that the girl thinks that it wont' work makes it not.... but then once they relaxed... it allowed for things to flow and enter easier....

Next thing that is important to do before sex, is to engage in foreplay... Both because that expands the area, and lubes the area.... and makes you more relaxed overall...

Use condoms with some sort of lubrication, I'd suggest one's with spermicidal, but that's another option to pursue...

Another way you might be able to help "stretch" out the area is to buy small vibrators and slowly move up to your boyfriends size... Though I do not see this as something that will need to be done or will do as much good...

Relax... oh, wait.. .said that already....

I'd suggest that if your really worried, talk to your OBGYN... or your doctor about this... Because, in reality if you are considering to engage in sex you should be having you yearly exams anyways... In the rare case, you could have an underdeveloped ..... can't think of the name, but either way... it makes sex extremely painful... Of which, surgery is the only answer...

Answer 3

There is only one way you can do it well. Be with someone that you really really like, that alone will do the trick, and second lots of fore play,.If you suffer from dryness, a good lubricant can help. Be open with your partner about this, ,,,, Sex should be a pleasing experience and not a miserable one. Just relax and try to do what pleases you the most first. Good luck

Answer 4

that is a problem you really must ask your doctor about but sex generally as the call it loosens you up the more you do it. I cannot say it will stop as I again am not a doctor but having sex is natural and just take it slow but do it more frequently this time. As you can stand it more do it more.....

Answer 5

think about it your body is able to pass a baby through the same tubes that are "small" --- its not you its your partner --- males are very quick to be ready --- females need a lot more romance tenderness and foreplay ---- i would suggest that most guys (young and old) have no real idea what foreplay is and only look to please themselves --- your partner needs to take the time to help you enjoy it as well and if he does it properly then you will not bleed and enjoy it more (but if you do bleed then there may be a medical problem so see your doctor) ----- best wishes and enjoy

Answer 6

Why don't you let it hurt, then? If you think he's the right guy, then you may as well see him as someone worth that pain. _

Anyway, if you wanna loosen it up, you'll have to "touch" yourself. I'm not sure how else, but hopefully, you'll get better answers than this.

Answer 7

idt youll bleed again and yeah it will hurt after a while of not doing anything it will and if he likes you he will take the time going slow so it wont hurt as bad

Answer 8

Instead of getting naked and having him force it in. Once you are naked, wait until you get relaxed, make out, pleasure each other, until you get horny, and then have him work it in slowly, maybe you might need to take several tries before it works all the way in.

Answer 9

ky jelly.

hurting depends on your size and the size of the guy.

just tell him your fears, and take your time.

and some advice. you better take control. if he is afraid of hurting you and knows you are not a virgin, it will be a disaster.
just plan on doing everything.

Answer 10

If he's a virgin I wouldn't worry about it a whole lot it'll be over pretty quick.