We are taking my sister out to dinner for her birthday. We invited her boyfriend to come along. She just left me a message, telling me she has invited 5 other people to join us. I thought it was rude of her to invite others. I called her back to let her know that we are treating her and her boyfriend to dinner and that we can meet her friends later for cocktails. Now she is mad at me and didn't respond to my message. Should we go ahead and make reservations and hope that she can get over it and meet us for dinner?
2007-12-27 12:15:52 · 9 answers · asked by radbagm3 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
JM-You should learn how to read a question. There was never a mention that I told my sister not invite her friends. Besides, I haven't seen my sister for about a year and wanted to catch up since I will be in town for that day only. I do not know her friends and I was polite enough to say, we can meet them afterwards for cocktails. Anyway, you are the minority to the answers.
2007-12-27 12:59:31 · update #1
JM-I respect peoples opinions but don't be rude about it. Just because I haven't seen my sister in a year, doesn't mean we don't communicate in other ways. I don't feel that she is insecure about our relationship, nothing has happen to make her feel that way. Anyway, I love her no matter what happens!
2007-12-27 13:39:14 · update #2
Girly Martini-My sister and I are 16mths apart. We are total opposites. She is the type that if you disagree with her, she get mad at you and doesn't speak to you until she is ready. I've learned to deal with it, but you would think at the age of 36, she would stop the nonsense. What can you do? That's family for you!
2007-12-27 13:47:37 · update #3
Just want to notify everyone, that I just spoke with my sister and she will be meeting us for dinner tomorrow night with her boyfriend only. We will meet her friends for cocktails after dinner. Thank you for your comments.
2007-12-27 15:01:38 · update #4
I think you are making way too big a deal out of this. You are taking your sister out for dinner and are p.o.'d that the birthday girl would want to invite some friends along?
If I were in that situation I would just call her back and make sure that she understands her friends will be expected to pay for their own meals - if she is so young that it might not be understood. In my group of friends everyone would assume they are paying for themselves and would want to toss in for their part of the birthday girl's meal.
It's rude of you to call her back and tell her that she can't invite her friends but can meet them for drinks later. If I were your sister I'd go for dinner with my friends - and maybe invite you for drinks afterwards. It's a bit pompous of you to dictate how she spends her birthday evening and very un-generous of you to try to exclude her friends without even discussing it with her like an adult.
You should call her back and apologize. Let her know that it's ok with you to have her friends come to dinner as long as they understand that they are not being treated to dinner. Try to make peace with her - it is her birthday, right?
Good luck.
Edit - Gee, rad, I did read your question and there is no mention before your edit about you not having seen your sister in a year, that you were only going to be in town for a day, and "...to let her know we are treating her and her boyfriend to dinner and that we can meet her friends later..." sounds like you are telling her she can't invite her friends to dinner, only for drinks later. Did you think that after not seeing you for a year that maybe she might be nervous about seeing you and is inviting some friends along as a buffer to help her feel more secure? So, don't get your panties all in a wad, rad.
If you only wanted answers that agreed with you - why bother posting? Why not just sit around feeling smug about being right all the time?
I still think, especially since you haven't seen her for a year and are in town only for a day, that you should call your sister again and try to make peace with her. Explain the situation about wanting to spend time with just her and her boyfriend.
Again - good luck.
2007-12-27 12:50:12 · answer #1 · answered by Mirage 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would be pissed off too....... because I'd be inviting HER to share some time with HER, especially after not seeing each other for so long. I guess that it's also understandable that she wanted to see her friends if she was only gonna be in town for such a short time, but getting all together for drinks was a nice deal. I don't know why she got so angry -- in fact, I would have asked you FIRST if it was OK to bring friends, it was rude she just did it like that.
In any case, I wouldn't cancel the plan but I would only make reservations for 4. Hopefully she'll show up and WITHOUT her friends. And when you get the chance just try to talk to her again and tell her that you were looking forward to spending some time together, only you and her (w/partners), and you would have liked to do both things: be with her and then get together with her friends too, and didn't mean to make her feel bad on her b-day... Hopefully she won't make a too big deal out of this. Not worth it.
2007-12-27 14:31:28 · answer #2 · answered by Lprod 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it was extremely rude of your sister to invite those five other friends, AND, as "reasonable" as your other answers may sound, remember that if they don't have the money to pay their bill, and YOU'RE the one who made the reservation, then YOU'RE going to be the one left "holding the bag", so, if I were you, I'd cancel all plans. Tell your sister you cannot afford her friends and you'll go out to dinner with her another time, when you all have time. Otherwise, regardless of what you all agree to on the phone, if her friends show up anyway, and they come up lacking the funds to pay for their dinners, you're still going to be the one washing dishes to pay for what they ate. God Bless you.
2007-12-27 12:34:06 · answer #3 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Are you sure there's nothing else going on here? Sounds like a big fuss over a small thing - do you and your sister usually get along?
2007-12-27 13:38:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your sister was presumptuous and quite rude. If she can't see her way through to understand your invitation for dinner was only for the four of you, I would skip the dinner and buy her a gift. Leave it at that.
2007-12-27 12:48:18 · answer #5 · answered by dawnb 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If she insists on it, then let her invite her friends, it is her birthday. Just make sure you tell her that you are only paying for the two of them and not all her friends.
Then make sure you tell all them too so they have money to pay for their own dinner.
2007-12-27 12:21:07 · answer #6 · answered by Tigger 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If she expected you to pay for all of them, then yes, it is rude. You offered her a compromise, it is up to her to respond. I would make the reservation but if you do not hear from her by the appointed day, then call and cancel unless you want to take a chance on her just showing up.
2007-12-27 12:24:27 · answer #7 · answered by Jennifer T 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Well I think that it was rude for her to invite others, however you should make it clear to her that they are welcomed to come but they must pay their own bill.
Your sister should have taken that into consideration, or maybe she told them that they are invited to come but that they need to pay for their own meal. Maybe you can opt to pay for everyone's dessert.
2007-12-27 12:19:51 · answer #8 · answered by MS.veronica 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
yup
2007-12-27 12:22:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋