Trying to change, but realize its too late?

Question

I'm a 23 year old male, who has never had a girlfriend. I focused on school during high school and college. I was also poor, but I was in the harder classes with the rich kids. During this time I wasn't too confident or outgoing. As I've gotten older, I've worked on both of these, but I don't seem to have much success with women even now.

Anyway, my total lack of experience (everyone else got this in college or high school) has made it impossible for me to ever get a date. I should have been trying to get date like everyone else as a student. Now, I'm left behind.

There is nothing cute or redeeming about being a social retard. My lack of experience precludes any chance for me to actually gain some.

Needless to say, I feel as though I am a hopeless case. What am I supposed to do? Anyone else feel like this?

Sorry this has gotten long. Thanks for your responses.

Answer 1

get out there.....go to some clubs, a bar, church, a store, etc. Say something to get a conversation going.....if you don't know what to say, try "Hi, my name is ___." and go from there. girls like honesty way more than saying the 'right' thing. Just be yourself and get out there already!

Answer 2

I know that nothing people say can really actually help you improve your self confidence or self image. I would just like to let you know that I have a very close friend that did not date a guy until she was almost 25 years old. She is an outgoing, hilarious person, she was just concentrating on her life. I would recommend going to places to meet people- if you're into church then go to church groups or things like that. Also, you can try talking to people online, as corny as it may seem, I have friends and cousins that have found husbands and wives on the internet. Everyone dates at a different pace, and kudos to you for concentrating on school. Try not to get too anxious about it and relax...try meeting new people and don't make it your ultimate goal to "get a girl"

Answer 3

Wait a minute.... You do have social skills. Each and every time you enter a class, you are dealing with multiple personalities. It takes intelligence to read a room and people. The same thing when you are at work.
Now take all that knowledge you have and apply it to a social setting. If you see someone and you catch her eye, just smile and nod. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to bring a girl around to a conversation. And against popular belief, we (females) don't all talk about OK Magazine. Ask her questions about herself. And keep the conversation on her. Give her a glimpse of who you are. Exchange phone numbers. Then unless you set up a date, wait a couple of days and just call to say hello.
It's a person's personality that wins out. Social skills are learned, and if you are still breathing then get busy living.
Have fun and good luck!

Answer 4

In a world were clothes and popularity seems to matter a lot among teenagers, I admire the fact that you set your priorities straight at a young age. To answer your question, it is never too late. I think you should step out of your comfort zone and go out and meet new people. Don't focus so much on lacking social skills, a simple "how are you doing?" and "what are your interests?" can get a conversation started, the rest is active listening and exchanging information. Good luck buddy.

Answer 5

Maybe you have social anxiety disorder? Why don't you go for some help, there are medications that can help you. I had to quit A job I loved very much because of a back injury and I basically sit around but I am going back to school and my kids are adults but they still keep me pretty busy. There a lot of times I feel hopeless I usually go out and take a walk. Good Luck, it's a real hard fight.

Answer 6

the best thing 2 do is 2 not try so hard.when the time is right u will find someone.
im sure there are lots of ppl in ur situation.
2 build up ur confidence what u should do is may try out a dating service on line and ge 2 know ppl that way and then try dating ppl off the website.
u never know whats out there there could b a girl int he same boat as u just waiting 2 meet someone just like them

Answer 7

That's great that you focused on school, because I bet you that most of the guys in college with girlfriends, did not focus at all, & got really bad grades because they were making out with their girlfriends most of the time.

It's not too late to start looking, and it won't be for a while. So keep on trying. I'm positive that the girl of your dreams will show up when the time is right. :]

Answer 8

You just need to swallow your low self esteem and get out there and get to know some people ... don't try 'dating' at first, but just make friends ... after a couple of months, you'll feel better about yourself, and have friends you can either ask to help you get a date or whom you may want to date. Get out there and DO IT ... stop 'feeling sorry for yourself' because there is NOTHING wrong with you. I married a man who was 39 years old and had had only two dates (at 18) until we started 'going together' (knowing we were getting married) ... and we had our 'first date' AFTER we were living together. If he can do it, you can! He's not a dork ... he's the BEST MAN IN THE WORLD to me.

Answer 9

Why not try on-line dating so that you feel like you kind of know the person before you meet up with them. Then you can also explain that you are shy as well. Just be completely honest with them and you'll find someone eventually. Plus, as you get older and older you'll feel better about yourself and that will help you meet girls. Just think of these first few girls you meet as practice... not anything serious, and that could also help you not feel too nervous to interact with them.

Answer 10

All you have to do is be confident, and exude confidence, dress nicely, and don't be a jerk. Be comfortable talking to women and learn how to approach them. Have interesting topics to discuss, and know what you want. You're not hopeless. Get out and meet new people.