my relationship with my dad? please help muslims?

Question

i haven't talked to my dad in about 2 months becasue of this fight. its a really long story and id appreciate it if u'd help me. my dad used to be all jokey and stuff....didn't care about thing where they were..one night...i was sitting in the couch blowing bubbles for my baby bro when dad asked me who put this plate on the floor, i was just wondering and then i said you becasue he is the one who usually puts things anywhere because he is the "DAD". and then i had NO IDEA if he was joking or not when he told me to put it in the kitchen becasue sometimes when he yells, he jokes.. so i was waiting until he began hitting me or beating me.. so i just put the plate away while crying(it was actually my big bro.) my dad said to my mom that he hit cuz i was rolling my eyes when he was talking to me but i wasn't , iwas just staring at him hysterically becasue i wanted to know if he was serious about the plate.. so after that i was sooooo scared i went in my bedroom , i was scared cuz i thougt something is gonna happen to me,…. When my granma came over from Pakistan she said it was haram not to speak to xomeoneESPECIALLY your dad…. I still couldn’t talked to him because verything was going fine.. but the prob was tht my mom kept yelling at me and forcing me to say SALam, ofcourse its haram if you don’t then she tells me and forces me to talk to him but I JUST CAN”T IS NOT EASY.. sometimes my mom puts so much pressure on me….. is it haram if you don’t talk to someone… I just really don’t know what to do I can’t speak to my dad and say sorry because I don’t have the confidence…

please help

thanks you and salam

Answer 1

Salam Alaykom wb,

Your grandmother is right. A muslim can only stop talking to another muslim for 3 days. After that no matter who is wrong, they should talk to each other. Your mother gets lot of ajr for making you say Salam to your father. A previous answerer posted translations from the Quran and ahadeeth. Islamically, no matter what the parents ask their children to do, they must do it unless it goes against what Allah SWT requires of us as Muslims. Be patient, say salam to your father and give him a kiss. Then tell him you are sorry because you thought he was joking. Be thankful your father jokes, I have heard of some fathers never joking with their kids and always being serious. He shows a soft side to his children and that is a good thing. Two months has been long enough and being mad or angry takes way too much energy than being happy and smiling!

I wish you and your family the best, sister... take care!
Salam Alaykom wb

Answer 2

i can totally relate.
i do not get along with my dad either. no one in the world have i compromised and put my dignity down for more than him, just to avoid getting into yet another argument. He doesnt know how to raise kids, doesnt know how to give advice. He almost feels like a bossy roommate rather than a parent. I know how hard it can be. There have been times where I stopped talking to him altogether. Even then he refuses to apologize or admit he mistreated me. However, I try hard to keep my relationship with him. It may be distant, and i avoid being around him and usually only say salam throughout the day, but it keeps the peace between us, and I wont go to jahanam because i was holding a grudge against him.
and always look at it this way...there are people out there dealing with way worse fathers than the ones you and I have. alhamdulillah for all we are given.

Answer 3

listen sis , you have to know that the daugther is very precious for her father , and your father was mad of you perhaps because he did not know that you are thinking that he's joking , so he didn't except that look maby, and he sees it like a bad behavior.
so this is just a miss understanding from you both maby.
and you know that parents have a great important place in Islam and it's the second place after believing in God.
so not talking to your father and for two month is a big mistake and 2months is a long time, and not talking won't fix anything.
so sister , just forgot it and don't let it effect on your relationship you and your father. and talk to your father and tell him what were you thinking. and what is your ffeelings.
because communication is very important in Islam and it will saul the problem.
and we are Muslims so we don't let this selly things make an end for our amzing relationship.
and even if your father is wrong just apologiZ to him then talk.
salam (peace).

Answer 4

Man, if you guys stop talking over something like that God knows what would happen if you REALLY had an serious argument. my family would have all been shot by each other by now if we fell over silly things like that! lol. It's sooo petty! We have al the arguments in the world yet still never stop talking to one another. It's a sin to stop talking to family for more then 3 days. You need to put your pride aside and talk, it will be hard at first but after a while you'l forget anything ever happened.

Answer 5

Your father's dissaproval is worth spending your life with the man you love. Tell him that you love your partner no matter what, and if he is willing to accept it, that would mean a lot to you, but you're going to do it anyway. If that's not possible, continue to be in a relationship as if you were married, which I realize may not be tooooo sufficient of satifsfying , but in this situation it may have to work. :

Answer 6

you should keep ties with your family because they are litterally all you have to fall back on, but the plate thing i have no clue, when i was reading it i heard an upset teen, so it was hard to really visualize what was going on, but i think you should have put the plate way. even though i dont when mu mom tells my too =(...i kinda think that plates are like 2nd priorty, lol, but my mom gets pissed when i dont put them away to i am going to try from now on to do what she tells me the first time! maybe you should make some resolution to really obey your parents or not make then wait to tell you 2ice. how in the world can you not talk to someone you live with for 2 months? but isa your realtionship with your parents gets better. ameen

salaam

Answer 7

i hope he does not hit you all the time because that is illegal. talk it out with ur dad, one day he will not be there for you anymore and youre going to regret not talking to him over something you can resolve. he sounds like a nice man. maybe you should give him a card saying sorry and that you love him, maybe he will talk to you and you guys can be happy again. the past is the past, im sure he regrets hitting you.. when i fight with my sisters the next day we apologize to eachother. one day we will all die and time has value.. so are you going to continue not talking to him over something small or let it ruin your life? good luck, and peace be upon you.

Answer 8

You must try to listen to your father when he tells you something. Best thing to do is give it some time. He will come around. They always do. He's the parent and he will provide guidance. Just wait it out and all will return to normal.

Answer 9

Hes your dad forgive and forget, you cant choose your parents, ask him why he hit you and tell him it was wrong for him to do this. If he cant understand that hitting a woman even daughter is wrong, then you should do something, get help. Good luck.

Answer 10

Praise be to Allaah.

The importance of honouring one’s parents is:

Firstly: it is obedience to Allaah and His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents” [al-‘Ankaboot 29:8]

“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: ‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young’” [al-Israa’ 17:23]

In al-Saheehayn it is reported that Ibn ‘Abbaas said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was asked which deed is the best? He said, ‘Faith in Allaah and His Messenger, then honouring one’s parents…’” And there are many other Aayat and Mutawaatir Ahaadeeth which say similar things.

Secondly: obeying and honouring one’s parents is a means of entering Paradise, as it was reported in Saheeh Muslim from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “He is doomed, he is doomed, he is doomed.” It was said, “Who, O Messenger of Allaah?” He said, “The person whose parents, one or both of them, reach old age during his lifetime but he does not enter Paradise.” (Saheeh Muslim, 4627).

Thirdly: Respecting and honouring them brings friendship and love.

Fourthly: respecting and obeying them is a way of showing gratitude to them because they are the ones who brought you into this world. You should also show gratitude towards them for bringing you up and taking care of you when you were young. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents” [Luqmaan 31:14]

Fifthly: if a person honours his parents this may be the cause of his own children honouring him. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Is there any reward for good other than good?’ [al-Rahmaan 55:60]

And Allaah knows best.

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid